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What should I do about my friend?

 
 
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2011 12:12 pm
I've known this kid since February, I talked to him every single stinking up until about a week ago. I must say I'm a bit oversensitive I will admit. But he said that's all chill. It hadn't bothered him before. But now he isn't talking to me because he says he doesn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. There is obviously more to the story, but he doesn't want to tell me. He says it's too long for him to care to type it. And he won't speak to me via calls anymore. I don't want to drift away. I've asked him if he still wants to be friends and he said yeah. He told me he doesn't want his friends to drift away, but I don't know what I should do anymore. He is depressed, he told me that much. I feel like a terrible friend because I've been so upset about this ordeal that I haven't been very sensitive to his depression. And he won't tell me anything about it anyway. He doesn't talk to me for more than a couple minutes a day. He hardly speaks. He doesn't answer my questions. It feels like he's blowing me off. But he says he still wants to be friends. I don't understand. He won't tell me anything so I can't really understand. I don't know if I should let him be, seeing as he doesn't seem to want to talk to me. Or if I should just check up on him once and a while to make sure he's ok, or continue with my daily text messages (that are cut off soon after a few are sent). The thing is if I tell him I'm going, he won't ever speak to me again, he's quite stubborn. He doesn't talk to me, I incite the conversation. There isn't anything wrong with that, it was like that even when we were on good terms. I'm just scared I'll never talk to him again. He's my best friend. I don't want to say good bye. I don't know if I should leave him alone. I don't know if this is because of depression. I'm worried about him. I don't want to not talk to him anymore. But I just don't know what to do. And I feel hopeless. I'm generally a happy person, I have a lot of energy. But right now I don't have the will to do anything. I don't know what to do anymore. I want it to be fixed.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,724 • Replies: 3
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Questioner
 
  2  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2011 12:49 pm
@melissa108,
Hi Melissa,

There are a few things in your post that point to a very similar friendship that I had with someone else, and that I think might be the case here.

It sounds very much like you are smothering the boy. Whether he's suffering from depression, moving on to a new stage in his life, or what . . . it seems like whatever your 'usual' relationship was prior it is now changing. The fact that you're more caught up with the quantity of his responses vs/ whatever he actually says speaks volumes to my hypothesis.

After a certain amount of time (you didn't specify exactly how long you've been 'friends' so this is conjecture) some people just can't handle any more negative vibes. In my case, the girl that was a friend of mine would email me 3 , 4, 6 times in one hour asking if something was wrong because I hadn't immediately replied to her. Then she just assumed that everything was horribly wrong and she had done something when, in fact, I was just busy and hadn't had the opportunity to reply back.

I still wanted to be her friend, but I wanted her to relax. It got to where whenever she would send 4 - 5 messages at once I started ignoring them because I didn't want to deal with the drama of having to explain how nothing was wrong, yet again.

That smothering is what stopped us from being friends. The friendship was utterly one sided with her drawing from me emotionally but never filling me back up (to use a metaphor).

Does that make sense? It's possible that I'm way off base but this is what I take away from the bit you've posted. If you have more details that might help.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2011 02:42 pm
Normally, I would agree with Questioner. You may want more than he does and you may come off as too needy for him.

BUT - the depression thing has me concerned.

HOW depressed is he? Is he taking medication for it? Has he ever attempted suicide?

His cutting off friends may signal an increase in depression. If you think that is the case, you need to tell an adult near him about it.

Hard to get a real good vision of the situation from just your post.
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claudine
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Apr, 2012 01:40 am
Thanks. I was going to something similar in my life and was looking for some good advice. At least i got a little hint.
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