my husband's porn movie addiction

Why does it bother you so much that your husband is watching porn during
the week while you are not together?
Does he neglect you on the weekend because of it? If not, just let him watch,
what harm does it do?

Don't take it personally. Men are programed to look at sexy stuff, it keeps the human race going. Porn is only a problem if it starts to interfere with other things like his job, family life, socializing or if he stops being interested in you. I suggest you watch together and see if you get why he's so interested. While most porn is aimed at men, you can probably find some soft versions that will not offend your sensibilities.

Thanks for the reply CalamityJane. I guess I might just feel unsecure and want more attention. we don't talk a lot during the day as we both are busy. So I'd like to have a conversition at night and say good night before going to bed. But he often says he is tired and wants to sleep. Then i found he actually just started watching right after our call, even after our massive fights on the phone re the issue! I felt quite hurt to know that he was actually having fun time with virtural girls when I was turning and tossing in my bed.
My concern is he will keep watching when we move together and my'theory' is that having too much visual stimulation ALONE does no good to our sex life. I feel like I notice the difference if he doesn't watch for a while (before he got his internet connected). Am I normal or just crazy about my husband?

If you can not love him because he is coping with his sexual needs by watching porn when you are not around that is a sad comment on you not on him.

You would perhaps prefer that he is climbing the walls instead with no released of any kind? That does not seems to be a very loving wife that is concern with her husband wellbeing.

Having been in his shoes I know that having such a relationship can produce sexual tensions and the very fact that he love you enough to suffer such problems said a lot about his love for you not that is coping in part by watching porn.

My now wife and myself had been in a long distance relationship that spam over two decades beginning online in 1985 and ended up with my marrying the lady in 2006.

The very idea that she would have had a problem with my porn collection never enter my mind or her.

In fact she used to teased me about the subject at the very worst.

Suggest you should lighten up and even talk to the man in a sexual manner over the phone from time to time, if you can bring yourself to do so.

You're normal

While an interest in pornography hardly makes your husband abnormal, anything taken to the extreme is problematic. It could be addictive behavior but don't jump to that conclusion simply because you don't like it. If it turns out it's an obsession with him, then you have a big problem.

From my experience, it's fairly typical for women to insist (and if you're constantly fighting about this, "insist" is not too strong a word) that men give up a habit or behavior which the woman neither shares nor understands; simply as proof of his love for her.

Examine why his behavior upsets you.

If your sexual relationship with your husband is wanting, then there may very well be a problem.

If he is satisfying his sexual urges through porn rather than with you, his wife, it's a problem.

If, on the other hand, you feel happy and satisfied with your sexual relationship with your husband, what difference does it really make that he gets something extra from watching porn?

If it's about control, that an entirely different problem and even if he give up the porn, it will surface again about something else.

If he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it, and he stops because you insist, he will resent you. If he doesn't think there is anything wrong with it, he may not stop, but he will still resent you for trying to control him.

Of course if you are truly convinced there is something wrong about it, and he has a different opinion, then you have a major compatibility problem.

So often The Love Lorne on A2K post topics wherein they describe a truly horrific spouse but they insist that they love him or her despite the truly shitty behaviors. I'm not sure why this is, but it's very common.

You say you love this guy, and probably you do, but examine your love for him.

If he's really a great guy in almost all ways, and this is the one thing that bugs you about him, do you want to lose what you have over it? No relationship is perfect, and no two people are perfectly attuned.

On the other hand if what you think is love is simply neurotic need, then your marriage was doomed from the start.

Bottom line is that no one here can give you really good advice, because we can't possibly understand, with the little info you have provided, the nature of your relationship with your husband and his attraction for pornography.

If this feels like a problem that could destroy your relationship, then the best advice we could give you is to seek professional counseling.

This could be tough because your husband probably won't feel comfortable talking to a third party about his porn habits.

In any case take some time to think about the entire situation and be honest with yourself. Question your feelings and wishes as much as you question his.

Good luck.

That probably is true. The two of you are spending a lot of time apart and it sounds like you miss him and are feeling a little lonely and neglected.

If this is something that's really important to you, then discuss it at more length with him, when the two of you are actually together. But don't bring up the issue of porn in this conversation--even if he isn't too tired to watch porn, but he's said he's too tired to talk to you.
Your need is to talk with him, share with him, and connect to him at the end of the day, and that's understandable, and those are the needs you want to tell him about and that you want him to take seriously. Maybe he just doesn't like long phone conversations, maybe there is some other reason beside feeling tired that puts him off about talking to you around bedtime, so encourage him to tell you how he really feels and see if the two of you can reach some compromise, so that you can both go to bed feeling closer to each other during the times you are apart.
Maybe chatting with Web cams using SKYPE would be easier or better for him than a phone conversation--you can both see each other, which makes for more natural conversation, and face-to-face interactions can be much sexier and more fun for both of you.

Don't be jealous of "virtual girls"--be happy he isn't fooling around with real life girls. Both of you are free to engage in self-pleasuring sex (you can masturbate, use a vibrator, etc.), in addition to your sexual interactions and sex life together--and that's true whether it's done when you are apart or even when you aren't. These things are part of a normal, healthy sex life for many couples, and it doesn't mean that anything is lacking or missing in your relationship. People vary in their sexual needs.

I wouldn't worry too much about that right now. In 6 months, the two of you will be together and then you can better judge what's affecting what. Don't let your jealousy about the porn ruin your relationship right now.
And, if you are able to use Web cams to communicate, you can provide him with some visual sexual stimulation coming directly from you.

Long distance relationships can be tough, particularly for a newlywed. You want your hubby next to you in bed, and he's not there during the week. So, see if you can find some solution, like using Web cams, that will help you to feel closer to him when you're apart, or let him know that the before bedtime conversations really are very important to you. And put off dealing with the porn issue, or bringing it up, until you are both living together--it might, or might not, be creating any problems between the two of you, but, arguing about it right now, could create unnecessary problems.

You use that word "anything." I do not think it means what you think it means.


Get off his back. And make him a sammich.