booty call girl?

Reply Sun 17 Jul, 2011 10:42 am
I’ve been seeing this man for nearly four months. He works in a bar that I used to frequent and one night I stayed there until late, all the people left and we were alone. Before all this happened, he was always flirting with me, smiling at me and I knew he liked me. That night, when I stayed there with him, we started kissing and we didn’t stop for another three hours. Nothing more happened, and then he drove me home. He asked me for my phone number and promised to call me.
I didn’t care too much because I was sure it was a standard night for him, a cute waiter, so I wasn’t really waiting for his call. He texted me the very next day that he keeps thinking of me but is afraid to hurt me and doesn’t know what to do. We met and spoke and we ended up making out again. And he said he wanted to be with me.
I gave him a week to decide what he really wanted and I left abroad. He kept texting me all the time when I was gone and when I got back, we met, he took me for a walk, to dinner and then I ended up at his place, of course. That had never happened to me before, I always dated men for at least a couple of weeks before I slept with them.
Right now we seem to be having a normal relationship although we don’t really go out and see each other very often. We often spend our time in bed and I’m okay with that because we both are rather busy people and we are tired to go out. Or maybe that’s what I want to believe. I don’t mind it too much but during the time we’ve been together I have really fallen for him and it bothers me that he prefers to keep our relationship a secret because, as he claims, he doesn’t want to explain anything to people that come to the bar and talk to him. He says they are not his friends, just customers and he is bothered to tell them anything about his private life.
He also was (and perhaps still is) kind of a womanizer but when we are together, everything is great, I really like him and I really think he likes me. I don’t think he is cheating on me but you never know. Lately I’ve been thinking about the secret thing he insists on and I feel kind of humiliated that he doesn’t want to tell anyone, not even his real friends.
Do you think I’m only a booty call girl to him? He said he loved me a couple of times but these are just words, right? I tend to freak out because due to this I don’t think I’m able to trust him properly. I really need to see this from a different point of view, can you please post me some advice? Thank you.
BTW. As for the age, we both are in our late 20s.
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Reply Sun 17 Jul, 2011 10:49 am
butterflymary wrote:

Do you think I’m only a booty call girl to him?

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Reply Sun 17 Jul, 2011 11:03 am
The key to any relationship is communication. Tell him what you want or need and then ask him directly if that is the type of relationship he wants.

For him to ask you to keep your relationship keeping you a secret seems really unreasonable to me. If I were you I would tell him directly that this is unacceptable, i.e. you will pass on the relationship if this is the way it is going to be. Be direct, no games, just say "I feel really uncomfortable that you want to keep us a secret to your friends. I don't want this kind of a relationship."

You also should talk with him about what type of relationship you have. There are some people who have relationships that aren't exclusive. Some people insist on a relationship being exclusive. If you don't talk about this directly and agree you might have problems.

Talk to him. Be direct and honest and if this isn't the type of relationship you want then you can move on.

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Reply Fri 22 Jul, 2011 01:44 pm
I don't find it unusual for a bartender to not reveal he is "going" with someone. That's just the nature of the job.

Now . . . not telling his friends, that's another thing.

You need to get out of bed and out in public to really see if he wants to be seen by people (other than his customers) and let them know he is "dating" someone.

Otherwise, yes, you are just a booty call.

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Reply Sat 17 Sep, 2011 03:11 am
I worked in the Hospitality Industry from 17 until 31.. It's all hours, long hours and off course, forget Mother's Day, Father's Day, New Years Eve, your birthday, and Christmas Day...

It's hard because you are "married" to the job... In all those years, rarely did I see an "outside" relationship, we then, tended to fall for someone in-house, party hard.. and wonder why we chose that field..I am mentioning this because he is 27..this is going to be his life, unless he studies and changes fields.

I would say that given the hours he works, he does like to just chill on days off, but you know? My fiance is a Chef, whilst he likes to chill, and helps around the house, he wants to spend quality time with me...It does seem that he is not doing that, neglect? Or because he is seeing someone or persuing someone internally, who knows...Secrets to me, doesn't constitute a proper relationship.

If I was you, next time you spend time with him, make it outside the house, go somewhere every time, see if he accepts that or turns it back into the house, the bedroom...

Best wishes
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