Trying to fix my relationship

Ai yi yi this is a bad dynamic.

Let me see if I understand.

Your wife is in the military. You are married for 5 years and she cheated on you 6 months ago (during deployment?). You took your son and moved away when this happened, and found work where you had moved to.

Now she says she wants you back, you moved back in with her and, in the process lost/quit your job/couldn't keep it because of the distance. And currently you are not working. Is your child young enough that it makes sense for you to be a stay at home Dad, at least for a while? I take it that the economy stinks there (it does in most of the country), so finding work is a process and it is not coming easily. But until you find work, she is the sole provider, and if the affair happened with someone she worked/works with, then that's going to create its own stress above everything else.

And now she says she wants to sleep in separate beds, not kiss, etc.

Brother, I don't think she wants a husband. I think she wants a roommate who will provide free/cheap child care and kill the big bugs. If you get work, then you are a roommate who also contributes to rent.

Sorry if that's harsh.

In any event, I recognize that it can be a while before people reconnect, but from the information provided it appears that you are the one being asked to do all of the compromising, I assume more for the sake of your son than for the sake of your marriage. And your son isn't getting any bargains -- if he grows up seeing mother as cold and distant to you, he may learn some lessons you don't want him to learn, e. g. that woman can't be trusted, or are distant, love is overrated and doesn't last, and relationships are meant to be essentially a master and servant and cannot possibly be equal.

I'm glad that you're in counseling, and talk to your counselor, perhaps in a session where you are alone with the professional, and maybe ask what you're asking here. Point up the inherent unfairness of the situation. And see if you can get any suggestions or, at least, the counselor can talk to your wife. The timetable for reconciliation is never going to be set and obvious, e. g. it's three months and everyone is okay after three months. But I think at least a little bending is in order, in particular because she was the offender.