Please Revise It (3)

OristarA

What do you want? This is not written in good English, to be sure (= of course), but the meaning is fairly clear. It is not ambiguous.

So, even if it were rewritten, what purpose would that serve? What good would it do?

If you want to learn or improve in English, more conventional means would yield faster results, I think.

Hi McTag,

What I want is good English, and since you've determined what I wrote is not good English, so it is obvious that the report needs to be improved. In fact, I just rewrote this Chinese news into English, and hoped you veterans of English language can help catch out the defects buried in the message.
PS. I didn't mean to spread this message, just for the purpose of learning English (esp. how to quickly write out news).

Yes, that is the way I wanted to express. But actually I've done my best to write with conventional means as more as possible. Now it is your turn to point out those imperfect expressions in my writing.

Ok, I'm basing this on what you have written. Not on what I would have written. Mostly I've just reduced the redundancies, but tried to keep your tone. English is subjective.
I'm actually looking forward to the different perspectives this paragraph will raise.

A Pretty Girl needs to Hire an Honest Boyfriend
(Or something like that)
Yesterday, I met a pretty girl in Chengdu, the capital of China's south-central, Sichuan Province. She wore a blue expression in her eyes, as she told me her story. Miss. Ou-yang (Alias?) hopes 'this reporter' can help her find a suitable gentleman to accompany her home, during the Chinese Spring Festival.
She must return to ................... to console her dying father.
(I would skip the part about the 'deadly disease', it might not be a good selling feature.)
The man hired must be honest, handsome and graceful. possibilities for further contact will be made upon conclusion of arrangement.

Hi Ceili, Thanks for revising.

(1) Adding "needs" to the title is acceptable, actually making it clearer.

(2) Not I met the girl, it was the girl came to the newspaper office in which the reporter works.

(3) Regarding the expression of "the capital of China's south-central, Sichuan Province"
I've seen an example in AHD:

Sichuan: A province of south-central China.

(From The Associated Press):

Guangzhou, the capital of China's southern province of Guangdong

And many English writers used to the style like AHD's.

So the original one and the rewriting are all nice.

（4）Regarding (I would skip the part about the 'deadly disease', it might not be a good selling feature.)

LOL Ceili, that is definitely a good point!

(5)"The man hired must be honest, handsome and graceful. possibilities for further contact will be made upon conclusion of arrangement."
Nice! But "somewhat" should be added to modify "handsome", or the girl is too nitpicking to get enough responses from gentlemen (and her original idea is just "somewhat handsome").

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Oristar, It has been my experience if you say you want somewhat handsome all you'll get someone who thinks he's goodlooking, but isn't. Don't worry about sounding nit picky, she won't get what she wants otherwise. After all, she is hiring and paying the bills.

Okay Ceili, now comes the second part:


"The last day of my father might come at any moment. What is worrying him most is me, since I am his youngest daughter. I hope that it might comfort him in this way..." Miss Ou-yang said to reporter, and tears rolled down her cheeks.

According to Miss Ou-yang, she graduated from a junior college; her parents are all highly qualified intellectuals. Her brother and sister have been married, while she is still single. Miss Ou-yang's father, 72 years old, is an associate professor, having been suffering disease since 1995, and his health seems getting worse now. It is possible that he might pass away before this Spring Festival. Every time she touched the blue expression from her father's eyes. she could no longer calm down, for she loves her father so much. So she decided to find an honest gentleman via newspapers, to keep her father company during the last days in his life.

(To be continued)