Reply
Fri 8 Jul, 2011 11:01 am
My daughter told me that there was only one thing she didn't like about her coach - she doesn't like it when she swears. She then told me, her coach was not swearing at the kids, but the coach on the other team. Her coach was upset at the lack of sportsmanship shown from the other team and was venting.
I can understand the coach’s frustration. This was the second game in a row my daughter’s team was playing where they were against a team in a higher division. To make matters worse, the first game, my daughter’s team did not have any extra players to substitute in – all 5 had to play the entire game. The second game they had only two subs. Both opposing teams, played fast breaks so my daughter’s team would tire (with no subs of course they would) and kept playing up the score.
So after the coach swearing – she said, don’t tell your parents! My daughter revealed this all to me. I told her how I could understand her coach swearing; adults make mistakes and she was frustrated – not that she should have done that. I also told her I do not like that she said, don’t tell your parents. Adults should never say that and you should always tell your parents things…blah, blah. I told her she did the right thing telling and she should always do so especially when some one says – don’t tell your parents.
I also told my daughter, I wouldn’t “out her” – in other words, I wouldn’t say anything to the coach. Now I can’t go back on my word, but I sorta want to – not to yell at or tell off her coach or anything, but to “educate” her on why she should not tell kids “don’t tell your parents”.
@Arella Mae,
Yes - I am proud of her and I told her so. She is only 12, but in some ways is very mature (other ways not so much). One reason I am hesitate is that I do want her to come to me and if she feels I will "tell" she may not come to me in the future.
Also, this particular item I don't feel is a safety or really bad thing. I do respect her coach and one thing I do like about her is her encouragement of being a good sport. And I also don't want the coach to feel bad - she is normally great with the kids and only human after all.
I'll have to think on this - basketball isn't again until the fall - although there is supposed to be some sort of outing this summer as the girls (besides this one tournament) did really well.
@Linkat,
There need be no question of outting.
Just have her approach the offender n say:
" look: knock off the filthy language. I don 't wanna have to put up with that any more."
That 's all.
Let 's remember
WHO works for whom.
Either that, or dismiss trivialities.
I totally do not get the coaches swearing for any reason in front of his charges.
He was wrong for doing so. I feel his was trying to cover up his bad behavior.
He was plain out wrong for swearing in front of the kids he's coaching, and even more wrong for telling them to cover up for him.
Davids right. The coach is working for ya'll, not the other way around.
I actually think it WOULD have a bigger impact if a kids told him to stop that language, than if an adult said it.
But I couldn't expect a child to do that, as they probably wouldn't feel it's "their place"
@chai2,
I used to tell my dad to stop swearing.
But that was me. My daughter has a bit more kindness and respect in her. Although she has told her peers to quick behaviour she finds wrong or inappropriate. I think because she has so much respect for her coach who normally does not act that way and normally is very even headed - believe me I've been to enough games to know her behaviour is much better than many of the other coaches I've seen.
However, I do like the approach that my child say something, I think I will suggest that to her. She may or may not - she is more quiet in regard to herself, although tends to speak up to help younger or picked on kids.
By the way my daughter described it - I do believe the coach felt bad about her swearing. It isn't her normal behaviour - just this once incident. However, I agree it bothers me more about the cover up - and stating don't tell your parents.
@Linkat,
I don't think it's unkind or disrespectful to tell someone to stop swearing in front of them.
@chai2,
Well if you knew the way I told my dad to stop - you might think otherwise.
@Linkat,
I think it's asking a lot of a twelve year old to call the coach onto the carpet. We may know it's right and good, but still. . . .
@Linkat,
I think in this particular situation it might already be handled as much as it needs to be. You seem to think it was an aberration from the coach in both ways -- that she swore, and that she told the kids not to tell their parents. Your daughter handled it well by telling you anyway, you handled it well by praising her for that and for emphasizing that grown-ups shouldn't do that. (So she knows that in terms of future situations.)
Absolutely do not jam up the coach on this, as there is no reason to do so, it is the gratuitous jamming up of people these days which accounts for the "dont tell your parents" about this trivial act. If it were me I would make sure that my kid understands that these words are routinely used by abusers, and that if she (your kid) gets the feeling that someone is an abuser or otherwise has done something very wrong which requires attention then she should tell you asap, but otherwise not. Being a snitch is not in your daughters best interest, you dont want to be encouraging this behavior.
@sozobe,
I think that might be what else is in the back of my mind - I don't want to make a big deal outta something - especially as she is normally very level headed. Maybe because I do respect her, could be why I am thinking about warning her about not quite wording it that way about the not telling your parents.
But on the other hand, I do know so many parents that flip out about every little thing so I can see the coach's point as well.
I feel confident that my daughter will tell me, especially now, if some one says - don't tell your parents which to me is more important
@sozobe,
My first take was that the coach was kidding.
and my last take is that the coach was kidding, a throwaway aside.
As is clear from another thread, I am not swear repelled, though I favor not any overuse.
So, wait, all of you want as a signup for employment that your chosen coach would never ever swear?
@ossobuco,
I don't care about the swearing at all. I get how "don't tell your parents" would rankle, though.
I know that
enough people would care about the swearing that I'm not sure it's a throwaway aside, especially in that context. (Intense championship situation -- just went through a couple ourselves, participating and watching some other teams, emotions tend to run high.)
At any rate, I don't think the coach needs to be confronted about this, so her mood/ intentions are moot at this point IMO.
@sozobe,
I'll agree that far, not being there, not hearing her tone of voice at all, and not living with children in this kind of situation.
My niece is intensely athletic, but more re individual capability than routine sports, and she was my connection to all that. Me, I was occasionally brilliant intermixed with routine and incessant flubups.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace