Please Revise It (2)

Forums: English
Email this Topic • Print this Page

...
...

This is the present-day North Korea. Comparing it to the South Korea, just like comparing the Hell to the Heaven. Such a nation, like a poor man, helplessly watches his rich neighbor, who enjoys big meals everyday, through gritted teeth, and grinds his knife wildly, posing himself with death-threatening manner against the rich neighbor. Unfortunately, the threat seemed useless. Therefore, the poor man turned to develping nuclear weapon, regardless of how prohibitive the cost is, while the citizens of the poor nation are suffering deadly famine, looking gaunt and thin.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 906 • Replies: 10

No top replies

Re: Please Revise It (2)

oristarA wrote:

...
...

This is the present-day North Korea. Comparing it to the South Korea, just like comparing the Hell to the Heaven. Such a nation, like a poor man, helplessly watches his rich neighbor, who enjoys big meals everyday, through gritted teeth, and grinds his knife wildly, posing himself with death-threatening manner against the rich neighbor. Unfortunately, the threat seemed useless. Therefore, the poor man turned to develping nuclear weapon, regardless of how prohibitive the cost is, while the citizens of the poor nation are suffering deadly famine, looking gaunt and thin.

You've put a few unecessary 'the's' in!

For some reason, maybe it just trips of the tongue better? Heaven and Hell is the usual order for the phrase so you may want to reverse that piece.

This is present-day North Korea, comparing it to South Korea is just like comparing Hell to Heaven. Such a nation, like a poor man, helplessly watches his rich neighbor, who enjoys big meals everyday, through gritted teeth. He grinds his knife wildly, posing himself with death-threatening manner against the rich neighbor. Unfortunately, the threat seems useless. Therefore, the poor man turns to develping nuclear weapons, regardless of how prohibitive the cost is, while the citizens of the poor nation are suffering deadly famine, looking gaunt and thin.

you changed tenses a few times past and present so I've evened it out to present, which you had used the most.

the bit in red is not right could it be ...

making threatening gestures to his rich neighbour???

taking a threatening posture against his rich neighbour???

the 'grinds his knife wildly' - is this as in sharpening it? or waving it?

hope this helps?

0 Replies

Hi Vivien, thanks for revising.

(1)
pose
v.tr.
To place (a model, for example) in a specific position.
For example:
The artist posed the model carefully.

So I'm afraid "posing himself..." is right.

But the two clauses by you are all correct:

making threatening gestures to his rich neighbour

taking a threatening posture against his rich neighbour

(2) Grind: To shape, sharpen, or refine with friction:

Since there is "knife" in the clause "'grinds his knife wildly", so the "grind" is obviously meaning "to sharpen".

0 Replies

oristarA,
"Posing himself" doesn't fit, that is, even though the dictionary definition seems to okay this usage, it's not used this way in idiomatic English. "Positioning himself" might work, "Positioning himself in a threatening manner...". Vivien's suggestions here are better.

"Grinding his knife" is ambiguous because there are other meanings for "grind"... my first mental picture was of a man twisting his knife-point against the table, with an empty bowl indicating his poverty. And "wildly" connotates "crazily, without control" -- you can't sharpen a knife wildly. So it would be better to use a phrase like "He sharpens his knife determinately..."

Also, everyday should be two words here: "...who enjoys big meals every day..." Everyday is an adjective used to modify a noun: his everyday clothing. Every day is a noun (day) modified by every, meaning each individual day: "eats well every day"... If you can substitute "each" for "every", use two words. Lots of native English-speakers miss this one, but just because it's becoming more common doesn't make it correct! Smile

0 Replies

Oristar, I agree with Vivien and Wy. Posing is the wrong choice of words. It can mean phoney (he posed as a doctor even though he'd never been to medical school) or inanimate (when a model poses for an artist, the model must remain still).

Grinding his knife isn't clear.

I'd also lowercase the Hs in heaven and hell. And I believe that Wy meant "determinedly," not "determinately."

0 Replies

That's right, I did...

0 Replies

Okay.

(1) Just using either Vivien's clause;

(2) Determinedly is a commendatory term, while what I wanted to express is a derogatory one. So how about using "madly" instead?
That is:
He sharpens his knife madly.

(3)

Quote:

Lots of native English-speakers miss this one, but just because it's becoming more common doesn't make it correct!

You are right; but at least I might get no punished for the misuse of the word "everyday". Very Happy

Finally, thank you all. Smile

0 Replies

Oristar, Determinedly is neither commendatory nor noncommendatory. It depends on what you're doing. If you study determinedly, that's good. If you determinedly step on and kick people on the bus, that's not so good.

That said, "he sharpens his knife madly" is fine.

0 Replies

Thanks Roberta, I got that word now. Smile

0 Replies

Wy wrote:

oristarA,
"

Also, everyday should be two words here: "...who enjoys big meals every day..." Everyday is an adjective used to modify a noun: his everyday clothing. Every day is a noun (day) modified by every, meaning each individual day: "eats well every day"... If you can substitute "each" for "every", use two words. Lots of native English-speakers miss this one, but just because it's becoming more common doesn't make it correct!

mmmm I did! well spotted - your grammar is really very good

0 Replies

I still don't like the madly. You'll cut your fingers off. How about, He sharpens his knife angrily?

and thanks, V -- nice to hear that from someone as good as you are!

0 Replies

Please Revise It (2)

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know