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Girlfriend watching porn..???

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vostrolime
 
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 04:44 pm
Back from a ten days business trip (June 10 to June 20), and in search of a website link that I visited before my trip, I browsed the history of her laptop. I would like to add that we are dating, but that we do not live together. I visit her very often. She shares her place with one of her parent. I stumbled upon one free porn movie website that my girlfriend visited in June (6/5, 6/14 and 6/20) while I was away. Intrigued and surprised, I searched further, and found out that it seemed to only have occurred on those 3 occasions. She browsed the free porn movie website between 5 to 30 minutes. She is a conservative educated woman in her mid-30s. After having dating her for over one year, the only sexual activity we had was to lay down (from time to time) on top of each other with clothes partially removed, rubbing against each other. Based on her wishes, we never had sex. She touched my genitals a few times, but never masturbated me...and she went to wash her hands after that. I never touched her genitals, and saw her naked very briefly only two times. She says that she want to wait until the honeymoon, although we just talked about marriage but without any concrete plans. She is not virgin anymore, and had intercourse with only one boyfriend (about 5 years ago). The websites she visited are about some fetishes and include from what I remember feet licking, Asian with big breasts, lesbians, bondage, double penetration...
I understand that she is curious and that she is doing this in private and I should respect that, but what I found a little odd is that she does not want to be intimate with me, although we love each other very much and have a really great relationship. When I try to talk about this situation to her, she gives me evasive answers like "if you really love me, then sex should not matter..", "I will have sex with you, but only after we have tied the knot..", etc..
Basically, why would she be curious or interested in porn, and be so distant with me when it comes to being intimate ?
Anyone experienced this ? any insights ? any clues about the way she acts? signification? ..I am perplexed and disappointed by this whole situation.
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 3,995 • Replies: 15
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shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 04:47 pm
not all visits to fetish sites are about sex.

sometimes people just look because they find it strange.

I think YOU are over thinking it.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 04:49 pm
Something is VERY wrong here.

A thirty-something woman who won't have sex with her live-in, even though she was sexually active before, and now visiting porn sites.

I encourage you to get this settled way BEFORE you even consider marrying her.

vostrolime
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 04:58 pm
@PUNKEY,
I do not know if it changes something but I would like to add that we are dating, but that we do not live together. I visit her very often. She shares her place with one of her parent.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 05:03 pm
This doesn't change anything.

Does she come to your place?

Do you take her on trips?

WHY - all of a sudden - does she want to "wait" until marriage? - yet she seems interested in sexual activity. (I could see all this if she were a virgin or very young, but with her past history and your ages, something else is going on)
vostrolime
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 05:19 pm
@PUNKEY,
she came one time to my place. If we go on a trip, it is usually with her parent for whom she takes great care. She is saying that because of her strong religious believes, and the fact that she does not want to hurt her parent, she won't have sex with me before marriage. She also says that she was compelled to have sex with her first boyfriend, but that she did not really enjoy it. Basically that it was a mistake.... this kind of made sense ..but now that I discovered that she watched porn, I do not know what to think about all of this... ? Am I over analyzing ? ... is she honest ?... I am confused...
BDV
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 05:38 pm
@vostrolime,
go with the flow! if she likes porn then so what! just means life is gonna get better 4 u, but if u be a paranoid idiot then u r gonna be single. Enjoy life NOT paranoia.
0 Replies
 
ragnel
 
  0  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 08:14 pm
@vostrolime,
Here are a few thoughts -

Live and let live.

She is not married to you.

You don't own her.

What makes you think you have any right to question her private thoughts and actions? And publicise them.

What makes you think you have any right to ferret through her laptop to see what sites she has been visiting while you were away?

Do you read her mail as well?

Looking at porn is NOT having pre-marital sex.

You say she is in her mid 30's, so she is not an underage teen in danger of being trapped by an on-line sexual predator.

Does she know you have posted this?

Do you have the guts to show her?

Perhaps you should back off and make sure your own life is squeaky clean before you take it on yourself to criticise her actions.

For heaven's sake, please discuss this situation in depth with her - she needs to be fully aware of the ramifications of marrying some kind of sexually inhibited control freak before it is too late.
laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 09:38 pm
@ragnel,
Blow me down if this isn't a ripping yarn.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 09:57 pm
@vostrolime,
Quote:
"if you really love me, then sex should not matter..",


Well, sex is part of the equation. If she doesn't want to have sex with you
now, I can guarantee you she won't have any with you when you're married. For religious reasons? Heck, she had sex before and tossed religion aside then, why all of a sudden so puritan.
Never mind finding out that she looks at porn, it might have been her parent for all you know. Why does she live with the parent and why does the parent go on vacation with you?

Something doesn't add up here and me thinks she's looking for a push over.
I would never marry such a person, especially one who tells you "if you love me then you do xxxxxxxx" that's emotional blackmail. Nothing good will
become of this.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2011 11:41 pm
@CalamityJane,
I dont know.

If she has only had sex with one person... then she could be truthful in that she does not want to do it again.

What if the guy she was with before PROMISED to marry her, but didnt.. and she wanted to only have sex with someone she married? She may feel very jaded, even embarassed at what she did before insisting she never make that mistake again. That is very plausible. But we do not know everything that happened, she is not here, just him. And she may not have told him everything.. again, back to the possible shame.

So if that is the case, and she WONT have sex again until marriage because she believes in it .. ok. So that is where she is. No harm in that really. So long as she is being honest.

But the porn site.. how do we know it was HER first off?

She has a parent in her house? right? she does NOT live alone.. so who is to say SHE did it.

And if she did.. sorry, I can still stand behind the idea that when ( and if it was her ) the site was opened, it may NOT have been for sexual pleasure. I have searched and seen some really freaky stuff and it definitely was NOT for pleasure. A lot of shock value and just the plain old " Oh my god they really DO that" .. kind of searching.
If you saw my history a few months ago , you would think I wanted to have sex with a monkey. Dont ask Laughing

So how do we know it was not something like that? Even the most puritan of people can 'search' for something out of curiosity and not have it mean anything sexual.
vostrolime
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Jul, 2011 11:23 am
@shewolfnm,
to all, I am absolutely sure it was her that was watching those porn movies. Her parent is an 65 old year woman who has never touched a computer. How can I be 100% sure: her parent is out shopping every time my GF watches porn, and I am of course not home either (just looking at the time stamps on the website browser history). Two weeks ago when I posted this thread, I though that she was just curious, but she still continues to watch only lesbian movies (fisting and big breasts only, never any heterosexual porn). I am very open minded, and this whole her watching lesbian porn would be perfectly fine...if it would not be a secret, and if she had intercourses with me (we never had). I am now thinking that she might be a 'lesbian in a closet", and that she is seeking marriage because of society and family pressure (she is 34), and yes, in certain cultures (Latino catholic conservative), being not married at 34 is a big concern. I love her, that's why I thought that she was honest when she told me she would not have sex before marriage, and that the first time she had with her ex-BF, it was a mistake according to her. I now think that she is just seeking a "trophy husband", a man to marry because she is under pressure. I think she sticks with me because I have never pushed her to have sex with me, a male. This is a horrible situation. I have the feeling that I fell in love with a lesbian in a closet. I am very doubtful about proposing to her. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this ? what did you do ? can anyone give me advices ?
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Jul, 2011 01:27 pm
@vostrolime,
How 'bout asking her? As in (and be nice about this of course, and lead up to it - not just Hi, honey, are you a closeted lesbian?).

As in, talk to her. Tell her you love her (that's always nice to hear). Tell her you are thinking of a future with her but having a sex life with her is a part of that. Is she uncomfortable with that? If she is, then I'd say, of course, tell her that you care and that her happiness and well-being are important to you, but that your relationship will not, unfortunately, lead to marriage.

And mean it.
0 Replies
 
nazia08
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Apr, 2014 04:12 am
I like guys in general but I am sure if I watched two girls having sex I would get turned on by it big time.
Do you have a problem with two girls having sex?
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Apr, 2014 11:42 pm
@vostrolime,
I agree with Punkey - this is really wierd behaviour.

Considering how wierd it is, I'll ask an out there wierd question - what sex was she born?
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Apr, 2014 12:00 am
@vostrolime,
vostrolime wrote:

Back from a ten days business trip (June 10 to June 20), and in search of a website link that I visited before my trip, I browsed the history of her laptop. I would like to add that we are dating, but that we do not live together. I visit her very often. She shares her place with one of her parent. I stumbled upon one free porn movie website that my girlfriend visited in June (6/5, 6/14 and 6/20) while I was away. Intrigued and surprised, I searched further, and found out that it seemed to only have occurred on those 3 occasions. She browsed the free porn movie website between 5 to 30 minutes. She is a conservative educated woman in her mid-30s. After having dating her for over one year, the only sexual activity we had was to lay down (from time to time) on top of each other with clothes partially removed, rubbing against each other. Based on her wishes, we never had sex. She touched my genitals a few times, but never masturbated me...and she went to wash her hands after that. I never touched her genitals, and saw her naked very briefly only two times. She says that she want to wait until the honeymoon, although we just talked about marriage but without any concrete plans. She is not virgin anymore, and had intercourse with only one boyfriend (about 5 years ago). The websites she visited are about some fetishes and include from what I remember feet licking, Asian with big breasts, lesbians, bondage, double penetration...
I understand that she is curious and that she is doing this in private and I should respect that, but what I found a little odd is that she does not want to be intimate with me, although we love each other very much and have a really great relationship. When I try to talk about this situation to her, she gives me evasive answers like "if you really love me, then sex should not matter..", "I will have sex with you, but only after we have tied the knot..", etc..
Basically, why would she be curious or interested in porn, and be so distant with me when it comes to being intimate ?
Anyone experienced this ? any insights ? any clues about the way she acts? signification? ..I am perplexed and disappointed by this whole situation.


Actually I think this is completely understandable. I had the feeling after reading it that she was victimized by christian thinking and later you confirm it. She is in conflict. We have chemical processes that compel us for sexual activity yet christian mindset wants to ignore these biological truths and assume they are just things you can will away and suppress.

She is caught between two aspects. She is convinced sex with you before marriage is wrong. But looking at porn is fine and it settles her biological needs.

This is just another example of how religion makes society unhealthy and it causes more conflicts than it ever solves.

But even if you don't like any of that assessment I have even worse news for you. If she isn't wanting to have sex with you before marriage, what makes you think she will want to have sex with you after marriage? I know sex is not everything, and some people are perfectly fine just having close companionship with another person without sex being involved.

If you are fine with that then who am I to object to anything? However; if sex is important then I would caution you, to me this is a red flag. Nothing worse than having an expectation that never comes about because you were under the notion of something else.

Before you completely give up on what I have to say I want to add one last bit. If she is looking at fetish porn, this is a sign that she may have a fetish that has a level of requirement for her. If you don't fill this requirement she will continue to seek this fetish porn to get her fulfillment. Even after you are married.
0 Replies
 
 

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