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still have feelings for ex boyfriend

 
 
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 05:39 pm
Hi all Smile

I am 15 and my ex is 16. We have been dating on and off for about 3 months. We were first together for a week, then broke up because he got upset about another ex girlfriend hooking up with someone else. I forgave him for that and we got back together a few days later. We were together for a while after that, about a month or a little more, and then he got very distant and we decided to move on. It was about two weeks later that we got back together for the second time. Things went well, and we were both happy. We have recently broken up (this one was done by me) , and I will go into details about why later. There are, however, some things that concern me, from petty to significant. I will start with the petty: he isn't a very good kisser... haha you may laugh at me... but it is a factor! Anyway, for the significant: he used to always talk about his past girlfriends (little strange, eh?) and seems to live very much in the past, and he is also incredibly careful about everything, from physical stuff to emotional stuff. I recently had a concert that he neglected to offer to go to, even though it was only a few minutes from his house and he could have driven himself, he chose to fix his phone instead. I told him that this upset me and he clearly felt bad, so I forgave him for that. Every time I have broken up with him I have still felt something for him and almost right away wish I hadn't, despite all the things I hate that he does and is. I don't know why that is, yet I feel like if I get back together with him I am just going to end up feeling these ways again, which is why I ended things last night. He was clearly confused and sad last night, and he really is such a good person. I just don't know. Hopefully this isn't total mush! What would you do if you were in this situation?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,235 • Replies: 15
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Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 05:53 pm
Please please comment on this if you have any thoughts. I really need some help, and anything is appreciated!

Thank you all,

~Jaqueline
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 06:10 pm
@Jaqueline,
What you have described is all fairly normal teenage sorting out process about relationships. This is all a learning process that takes time. My only suggestion is to stop trying to be exclusive to one another. Both of you are still sorting things out about what you both need to feel secure, and what you want from a romantic partner. You like each other so don't confuse matters more by trying to be exclusive. Try to agree about the issue about seeing others, while you get your feet wet about romantic relationships.

You sound a little bit more ready than he does, though. But you both need to time apart to appreciate what feelinga are deep and what aren't.
Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 06:16 pm
@Ragman,
Well that is very good advice, thank you sooo much. So should I wait and not try and get back together with him? I can't help feeling scared that I may lose him forever... and that scares the hell out of me.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 06:51 pm
@Jaqueline,
There's no hurry. Take your time. If there's a real basis for a deeper relationship, it'll survive a trial-separation. Be patient and try NOT to be in a rush. Hormones are very powerful and seems to makethings a little (or a lot)irrational. Being laid back and somewhat more cautious is a pretty worthwhile direction to go in at this point.
Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 07:12 pm
@Ragman,
Ok thank you so much. You have really made a big difference here, and I am so grateful. I will try to be just take my time with things.

Thank you again!!!!
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 07:33 pm
@Jaqueline,
You're quite welcome. Always remember that you're a worthwhile person. That means that your feelings should be respected and your boyfriends should be considerate and vice-versa.

It wasn't that long ago when I also was a 15-yr-old. I remember it so well because I was so crazy about this girl who was also my age. When she told me how much she liked me, I thought the earth had stopped. For me it had. I was sooo excited. We went out for a whole summer...almost. I used to walk to her house which was 6 miles away. And oh yes, she was a great kisser. It really DOES matter.

When we broke up, I was devastated. But after awhile, I realized that I had to learn how to keep things in perspective...to keep my emotions more on a even keel. Sure, she was exciting, but my self-respect was important, too.

When she tossed me overboard because she met an older guy (18-yr-old who had his license) I couldn't deal with the disappointment. However, what I learned about the need for self-respect lasted me for a very long time.
Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 07:43 pm
@Ragman,
Well I can see that even though that was very painful, it taught you a whole lot about yourself! That is so helpful to hear, thanks so much again.

I will most definitely take your advice!
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 07:45 pm
@Jaqueline,
Glad to see that it's helpful. Good luck with everything. Keep us all informed.
Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 07:49 pm
@Ragman,
I will Smile
0 Replies
 
thebest69
 
  0  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 08:04 pm
@Jaqueline,
Jaqueline,
i think you should move on, like u said about ur boyfriend being in the past u should move on and live in the present and look forward towards the future because if u live in the past then u always act the same way u did before u need to mature and get on with ur life and someday become a wife Smile i know it is hard right now but everything gets better when the days move on you know? so dont go slow just get together with different people because if u go out with the same guy over and over again he is going to think that he can do w/e he wants and you will come back to him... because i have a friend who did that and now her boyfriend beats her so i dont want that happening to anyone
Love, this guy
Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 May, 2011 08:16 pm
@thebest69,
Ok thanks Smile That's very good advice!

~ Jaqueline
Jaqueline
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2011 05:36 pm
@Jaqueline,
I think I've realized more what it is thats going on here: we used to talk for hours every night on the phone, he would hug me all the time and we were sooo close. Just with one phone call I ended all that, and now I have nobody to call at night... that's what it is more than the actual person. I still don't know, but I am trying to take everyone's advice! Thanks guys!
thebest69
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 May, 2011 11:21 am
@Jaqueline,
i was giving my opinion, u shuldnt follow anyones advice follow ur heart
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 May, 2011 02:24 pm
I think you are in love with being in love. When you don't have someone "special" you get lonely and sad.

Look --- you break up with him a lot, he's not a very good kisser, and he misses your concert (he does NOT have your back, dear).

Do you feel sorry for him? What's his hold on you? Or is putting up with this better than being "alone"?
Jaqueline
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2011 06:24 am
@PUNKEY,
I think you're right. So I told him I wanted us to commit to being friends... and he clearly felt bad, and wanted to make up for missing the concert, like maybe he thought if he did that he'd win me back. I guess he's just feeling sorry for himself now but I did what I did what I had to do, I suppose. He just wasn't the right guy.

Thanks guys.
0 Replies
 
 

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