@Setanta,
Thoughts on the Rapture.
Oh well, as the good Lord must have surely once said, "When I give you folks lemons, make lemonade." For instance, when the God-loving, good-loving religious folk come a' knocking on the door or accost you at the mall, talking religion, find the goodness and the lesson to be learned. There must surely be a silver lining in it. Say, for instance when I saw that sign on the highway the other day "The Rapture...Are you Ready?”
Well, frankly I had not been thinking along those lines lately, but it got me thinking about the wonderful effect that this kind of thing could bring to the economy. It seems nobody quite knows who is going to the Rapture. I hear that God has sealed the invitations. No Price Waterhouse accountants involved, at all.
So, since nobody knows who is getting the invitation, best we all consider our selves to be invited to the party, the Rapture. Therefore, we should not only be on our best behavior, but clean and freshly bathed and in our best underwear too. I figure that since the Rapture is about bodily plucking a bunch of us up into heaven, no death being required in this case, and no funeral clothes either, we should all have recently showered and wear clean underwear. I'm thinking about 3 showers a day should do the trick for Saint Pete to smile upon me at the Gates of Heaven. I really do not think any one of us would want to smell bad and be wearing dirty drawers at the Pearly Gates (although there are quite a few folks who if they suddenly found themselves there, would mess their drawers in surprise).
Also, from the very best info I could find on the Fox Network, and at the web site Rapture Brigade.com, there is a high probability that the suicidal “Heaven's Gate” crowd a few years back was onto something about the general attire. So sneakers are a must, as are black nylon windbreakers, but I intend to take my own chances about that neutering thing they mentioned as a membership feature. My only fear is that during the Rapture God mistakes a couple of FBI agents dressed the same way I will be on that day, and they might nab my seat to the party, the Rapture.
So, you can see that if people buy more bath soap, deodorant, perfume, and sneakers, then companies sell more, employ more and everybody gets a job. The same thing can be said also for underwear sales and those black nylon jackets. It can only boost the country. All this increase in GNP can happen simply because of the party, the Rapture.
It seems to me, if all these religion things get people to be cleaner (because of showers and the clean underwear), are healthier and more comfortable (because they are bathing regularly and wearing sneakers), acquire a sense of style (black is classic couture), and helps our economy, well then bring on the Ole' Time Religion. If it's good enough for Christmas, it’s good enough for the Rapture.
Time now to shower again, change my shorts, slip on a nylon windbreaker, sip some fresh lemonade, and look to the skies.
kuvasz written, @ 2001
