So conflicted..please help

This is a really long story but I will try to sum it up. Pretty much my ex was my first bf we dated when we were both 15, and regardless of his reputation (he slept around a lot) I still gave him a shot. We did not date for that long however, I fell in love with him (maybe it was because I was so young). When he broke up with me because of our fights I was completely destroyed. The years went by and I was dating this guy for 3 years but I broke up with him because I realized I was still in love with my ex lets call him "j". I was single for a while but I could never get my mind off J...and it hurt so bad because I couldnt tell anyone because no one would understand why I was still in love with a guy that I dated only for a couple of months. J and I live in the same neighbourhood and his reputation is really bad (he slept with over 150-200 girls, literally every girl) which is ironic because I am a feminist and you'd never think I would be in love with someone like that. About 5 years later after our breakup we built a friendship and got really close...I became one of his guy friends and he would invite me to every outing, and I got really close to his family (me his sister and mom always hang out) . We remained friends for about a year ( I never told him directly that I still loved him because I knew he would never wanna settle down). A year and a half ago I met my boyfriend now and for once after a long time I was happy, but I would still hang out with "j" because of our friendship. My boyfriend and I have had problems for the past 6 months because he is so much older than me and he is still really immature for his age and does not know what he wants to do in life...although he is a fantastic bf in terms of taking me out, cooking for me, complimenting me...I just can't get over my ex...and I realized that I love my bf but I am not in love with him the way I am with "J"...J is my everything...I have been in love with him for 7 years...I know all his secrets and his traits...and I still love everything about him....J tells me he loves me and that im his best gf, and we have sleepovers in which he wont ever make a move...and that confuses me because he will sleep with anyone...So about 2 months ago I decided I would break up with my bf, and tell J how I feel...when I told him he looked upset....and told me that he does not want a gf and he wants to have fun...I was not expecting him to tell me he is in love with me but at that time I was glad to let it out....after that I crossed him out for a few weeks and tried avoiding him, and in the meantime my bf won me over.
Today..I am back to where I started...hanging out with J everyday hearing about his promiscuous sex life.....and still dating my boyfriend. I feel super guilty because J and I always flirt and he always tries to joke around and hold my hand and hug me....and none of my friends or family know because no one understands. I have never cheated on my bf but this alone i feel is emotionally cheating....I feel bad for my current bf but I feel like for once in my life I want to play on the safe side....J knows about my bf and I and our issues....and I know everything in his life...I am still so in love with him and my heart skips a beat every time he is around...it has been 7 years and somehow the thought of J has continued to ruin my relationships.....I want this to go away so bad...but for some reason I feel like one day he will come around....it hurts to hear him talk about other girls or at times even bring them around me...I would flip out if my bf ever looked at another girl but when J does it its okay because at the end of the day I am his favourite girl (how f*cked up --I know). I don't know what to do...I don't want to be 40 years old and still be stuck in this situation. I feel like I will never completely move on...I mean I can settle and God knows I have tried dating ( 2 long terms after him)...but the only guy I have been in love with him and im talking about true love where you think about them 24/7 and love their every inch and every flaw is J...and I just don't know what to do...our friendship does not make sense to anyone not even his friends...his guy friends (who are now my good friends) come up to me and ask me if we will get married and that just messes with my head more....I don't know if all this waiting will get me what I want or not...what if he sincerely never wants to be with me....? he says im beautiful but he never makes a move...HELPP!!!