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Does he want to get back together or is this him being "friends?"

 
 
Reply Fri 6 May, 2011 12:41 am
My boyfriend and I broke up five days ago because we both have a lot of personal things going on (he is struggling with his religious views and I am struggling with where I see myself in the future). We were both very stressed out and had several mini fights about how our communication was lacking at times. When we broke up, and even before that, he kept bringing up the fact that he wanted us to be able to be friends in the future. During our actual breakup he told me that we needed a long time away from each other and told me that we should not see each other until after the summer is over (we are leaving school for break this coming week).
After two days of us being awkward whenever we saw each other, I couldn't stand it anymore and I approached him and we had a really nice conversation. Before this I had been pretty happy with our break up but after our conversation I felt horrible, unsure of if he was feeling weird about me approaching him since he flat out told me he didn't want us to talk for the rest of the school year.
The next day, yesterday, we were talking online and I mentioned to him that I was bored. He showed up at my door a minute later and we went on a walk. This made me even more confused because two days before we started dating the EXACT same situation occurred. We hung out for a while before returning to our places and I was still rather confused as to what it all meant.
Today, he approached me once again while I was eating lunch with my close friend and the three of us spent a few hours together before my friend left for work. The two of us went our separate ways but he showed up at my door at four and we proceeded to hang out until midnight. We went for a walk and had a bonfire and we had a really wonderful evening. At one point, he put his arm around my waist for a second and then stepped away from me as if he had just realized what he had done. When I returned home, several people asked me what was going on between us and I did not even know what to say.
I am so confused because of how explicit he was about not talking until next school year and how he is now seeking me out. Is he seeking me out and wanting to spend time with me is because he wants to get back together or because this is him being "just friends?"
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jespah
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2011 06:06 am
@OneConfusedBlonde,
You're right to be confused. He doesn't know what he wants. And, apparently, neither do you. I don't see anything whatsoever in your post about what you want.

I suspect you both just had a fight and said some things about breaking up but now regret them. One thing many of us get as we get older is that most fights don't end relationships. They can damage them, to be sure, but they need not sound the death knell.

My advice -- talk to him and ask - what does this mean? What do you want? Do you want to give it another go? And try to be emotionally prepared in case the answer is something that you don't wanna hear. But also be a bit firm - let him know that this waffling is unfair to you. As Dinah Washington sang, Is you is or is you ain't my baby?

OneConfusedBlonde
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2011 02:13 pm
@jespah,
You are right. I have no idea what I want. I have always loved spending time with him and I have always been really attracted to him, even before we met each other, so I'm not sure if the reason I find myself wanting to hang out with him now is because I want to be in a relationship with him again or if this is just me wanting to be friends with him.
We never really had a time in our whole relationship where we were just friends before we started dating, it was more like we were acquaintances for a few weeks then he asked me out, so I don't even know what us being friends is supposed to feel like.
This morning he came over before I was even awake and asked me if I wanted to get coffee and go sit outside because it was beautiful outside this morning and I got ready and we got coffee and drove to a nearby park but, after about an hour, he got all weird and suddenly wanted to get back home. I really have no idea what to think about this situation anymore.
I know we broke up because we both needed it but I still care about him, probably more than I have ever cared about anyone.
jespah
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2011 05:03 pm
@OneConfusedBlonde,
Then maybe back away. If he won't, you probably should. And see what happens. He is calling, coming over, etc. expecting you to be there. And you are! How 'bout that!

And so you are safe for him.

Be less safe (I don't mean sexually). Be less predictable. Oh no, you're not home! What could it mean? I am not talking about playing games here, either, just, have a life, a life that doesn't always include him. If he wants to be around, he'll figure out how to be there. If not, if you're just a safe, easy option, he'll eventually start to seek out other options, hate to say.
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