I Love A Young Widow...It's Tough...Please Help(?)

Hello Everyone,


I've been dating a widow off-and-on over the last 4 years. Her husband died (tragically) about 4.5 years ago (i.e. 4 & 1/2 years ago). She's the mother of two girls (6 & 9). She's 39 and I'm 28.

After we initially began dating, we broke up after 5 months, then got back together 3 months after that.

Once we were back together, we took a month off, but began seeing each other again and had a very close relationship. We even discussed our possible future together as well as possible baby names in which she had a particular name picked-out for a boy.

After spending over a year and a half together, we break-up. Except for one time in which I decided to get back with her the next morning, she's initiated the break-up. Each time we break-up, in my mind it's the very end of our relationship together, however we keep getting back together.

We met on PerfectMatch.com, so we are (very much) scientifically compatible. Our personality-types match-up (i.e. ENTJ + INTP) almost ideally. These are two of the most unique personality-types in which out of all 16 Meyers Briggs personality types, 1.8% of the population is ENTJ and 3.8% for the INTP. Regarding beliefs & values (i.e. religion, lifestyle, ethics, politics etc.), we match-up extremely well also. We have over-lapping tastes in music, which is quite vital for the both of us, we play the same instrument, and we even shoot hoops together!

After spending over 1.5 years apart, we began talking again very gradually. She suggested I read books on relationships, marriage, and parenting in which I read quite a few on these topics. A couple months later (i.e. September 2010) we go out on a date and had a wonderful time. I fell head-over-heels-in love with her (again), but things didn't take off. We planned to do all sorts of things together in the future, however she was resistent; I, on the other hand, was very eager to see her regularly. A month later we had a falling-out in which she tells me that I can't handle a relationship with her, she needs her space, and to stop communicating with her.

6 weeks later she sends me a very brief email, simply saying "What's up?". We wrote brief emails to each other every couple of weeks until we saw each other again in January. She tells me "...don't expect anything..." from her, that we are "...just friends...", but as soon as she gets to my porch she goes right for the kiss! I was incredibly excited. We play drums together, watch a movie, have great sex in which she spends the night We hug each other and get as close to each other as physically possible, naked, while having sex and I experience an orgasmic-like sensation through-out my entire body; and this is the very first time I've ever had this sensation before. The next morning we wake up and she asks to hang-out again the same night, so she comes over, we watch a movie, and have awesome sex again. I become very attached to her after this.

We don't see each other again for another month in which we see each other a few days before Valentines Day. She makes plans for the following week with me but cancels. So another month goes by until we see each other again.

This time, March 2011, we have a sit-down conversation before she leaves in which she explains that she wants to see me routinely. I tell her that I want the same, but I also let her know that I was worried that she would back-out again. We plan to see each other the next week.

So, the next week I go to the store and buy her a nice, modest, gift and sent her a text message but never got a reply. The only communication we have is "poking" each other on Facebook every couple of days. After three weeks go by, I send her another text which said "I got you a gift". She immediately responds by calling me up and inviting me over. I go over there right away and we hang-out, talk, listen to music, make-out, and hug closely for a couple hours on the couch. Before I leave that night (about 3 weeks ago), she invites me to a couple different events within the next few days. I see her (and her daughters) in which we publicly present ourselves to a couple hands-full of families which we are acquainted with, one being her Sister-In-Law and Her kids.

We had an EXCELLENT evening together, her, the two daughters, and I. We bonded, had lots of fun. We see each other again about 3 more times over the next 2 weeks.

A week ago she spontaneously invites me to meet her (along with the 2 girls and 2 of their friends) at a local restaraunt for dinner. While at dinner, we have a brief discussion in which we establish rules, boundaries, expectations, etc. regarding us dating. The rules we came up with were ones I liked; I had no problem with them at all.

However, and very unfortunately, she tells me about another guy she has been out with 3 times recently who she thinks is pretty cool. As soon as she begins I try and stop her and tell her "...I don't want to hear it..." I can't stand it when she tells me about other guys. I know she occassionally sees other guys very casually and states that she's not having sex with any of them. I tell her that I don't want to date anyone else because I feel apathetic while on dates with other women because I don't connect with anyone on planet Earth the way she and I connect; so I tell her that I see no point in me going out with other women.

She lets me know that I'm the only guy that has had a relationship with her daughters (in which one of them wanted to call me Daddy while we were together a few years ago, which happened several times) and I'm also the ONLY man who her girls have seen kiss their mother (other than their deceased Father nearly 5 years ago). Other than a few occassions with one other guy, I'm the only man who has had an on-going sexual relationship with each other.

She explains that none of these things make me her boyfriend and calls her oldest daughter (of 9 years) over to our table asks her "..just because you see us kiss & hold hands, does this make us boyfriend & girlfriend?" Her daughter looks at both of us kind of puzzled and mumbled a response. After my 'significant other' says this, I just let it out and tell her & her 9 year old daughter that "...I love you and your Mom, and I want to marry her and be your Dad..." and that "...I'm the only one who you've ever seen kiss your Mom.." (other than her deceased Dad). I become teary-eyed during this time and cry quite subtlely.

I don't remember exactly what happened after this, but I end up spending several more minutes with her and the girls before walking them to their car. She and I kiss & hug, then I hug her oldest and kiss her on the top of her head, then hug & kiss her Mom once more before they leave. I walk to my car, then go home.

The next morning I send her a text about something of mine she had and tell her to hold on to it. She replies a couple hours later and says "...Don't contact me anymore b/c you cried in front of my Daughter and told her you love her and I and want to marry me and be her dad..."

I reply immediately saying that "...we shouldn't have had that conversation with the girls present..." and that it would have been more appropriate to have had the conversation alone. Then I asked "Please don't shut me out of your life, please?" I STILL haven't gotten a response and it's been an entire WEEK.

I've been "playing it cool", haven't contacted her, nor has she "Poked" me back on Facebook (since the day we last saw each other). Does anyone have any advice (?) or perhaps a similar story to mine? Please share any information that can possibly be beneficial.


Thanks


PS: I'm in a lot of emotional pain. It real hurts. I've been seeing a therapist once a week for the last 2 months in which it's exclusively about my relationship with her (i.e. my significant other). I really, really, really want her to get back in touch with me.