Reply Thu 1 Jan, 2004 04:30 pm
"Oh Sh*t," Says Humanity

HONOLULU-In an announcement with grave implications for the primacy of the species of man, marine biologists at the Hawaii Oceanographic Institute reported Monday that dolphins, or family Delphinidae, have evolved opposable thumbs on their pectoral fins.

"I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy f*ck,'" said Oceanographic Institute director Dr. James Aoki, noting that the dolphin has a cranial capacity 40 percent greater than that of humans. "That's it for us monkeys."

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Reply Thu 1 Jan, 2004 04:55 pm
I knew it. That explains how they throw a football so well.
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Reply Thu 1 Jan, 2004 05:53 pm
It'll be at least another generation before they can win a Super Bowl.
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Inherent Vice
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2004 08:46 am
When they develope fingers it will give new meaning to the term Flipper.
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Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2004 08:54 am
Good morning and welcome, In.

I was particularly amused with the ominous portent for those of us at the top of the food chain. Witness:

Aoki strongly urged humans, especially those living near the sea, to learn to communicate using a system of clicks and whistles in a frequency range of 4 to 150 kHz. He also encouraged humans to "start practicing their echolocation as soon as possible."


"They really seem to be making up for lost time with this thumb thing," said Dr. Jim Kuczaj, a University of California-San Diego biologist who has studied the seasonal behavior of dolphins for more than 30 years. "Last Friday, a crude seaweed-and-shell abacus washed up on the beach near Hilo, Hawaii. The next day, a far more sophisticated abacus, fashioned from some unknown material and capable of calculating equations involving numbers of up to 16 digits, washed up on the same beach. The day after that, the beach was littered with thousands of what turned out to be coral-silicate and kelp-based biomicrocircuitry."

"My God," Kuczaj added. "What are they doing down there?"

They might be developing WMD, in which case I suppose we had better start threatening to invade and disarm. :wink:
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