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Tue 5 Apr, 2011 01:12 pm
Hi everyone, I decided to ask for advice, help and being able to vent to people who may know how i feel.
I was dating this guy overseas for about 1 year. He was my brothers best friend and that's how we met. We starting speaking through Skype and starting dating shortly after when came out to visit After the 3rd day he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I thought wow that's fast, and eventually told him i loved him (after a month). So as life went on he continually spoke about marriage and how happy we were and We were very very happy. The distance was difficult but again we were happy.
So this is the kicker, On a Wednesday he is speaking about Visa information how i can move out there when we get married and everything. On that Friday he ended the relationship. No idea why. He says its what is best for me because he thinks i would be happier with someone else.
His mother in the mean time is emailing me saying how she misses me and she does not understand. How the whole family is upset with what has happened and so on.
Finally he calles me back (3wks late) and im so excited. He says he is sorry he loves me and so on. Than three days later he says he doesn't know if he ever loved me and that he doesn't think this would work.
Ok so there is the fast version of this breakup story. And it sucks because i am sad all the time. I am 28 years old and know that this was the man of my dreams. What's worse is i miss him so much but cant tell anyone. Now i feel like i will never find anyone and im trying to stay positive and been on a few dates. It also sucks because my mother is as crazy as his and they keep in touch and his mom says that he says he misses me. But he isn't doing anything about it.
So anyway he isnt making any attempt to fix any of this, and i miss him but am so hurt by what he said and how he did everything. I guess i need advice how to move past this and am i alone in feeling like i will never find anyone?
Thanks for listening or reading. Even if i get no responses at least i can tell someone that i really do love him and miss him still and so confused on what happened.
This guy doesn't know what he wants.
And I think it's not helping that the mothers are in contact and are keeping it up (sorry, Moms). You don't have a chance to potentially get over him and he doesn't get a chance to miss you.
I think that the collateral contact's got to stop and if the mothers object well, this is not their relationship that's front and center here, eh? He needs to miss you and realize that this is what he wants (or not). And you need to be able to live without him (or not) and either do something about getting overseas to him quicker or move on.
But right now it's a stalemate, it's confusing and the collateral stuff is making it impossible for anyone to either move ahead, together, or separate and heal.
@goldy913,
He may be the man of your dreams, but it better to be with a real man rather than a dream man.
That doesn't mean you don't hurt now and it isn't hard of course. But like jespah said, the best thing is to go on - do things with friends - go out; have fun and keep busy.
Quote:After the 3rd day he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
DOH! Warning! Warning!
You'll get over this.
“It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is.”
What is this VISA talk all about??
Make sure he is not using you to get a visa.
PS Tell your mom to back off talking about you and him to his mother. They need to let you two work this out.
@PUNKEY,
It's my Visa to go live over in Scotland not for him to come over here.
Since we broke up.. After the call back. I don't speak to his mother. I don't know about him and his relationship with his mom. My mother told me that his mother contacted her about this situation and other things (they were friends before we were dating).
Trust me i told her not to tell his mom anything about me or my life.
@goldy913,
Disclaimer: I'm not exactly the Buddha of relationships, so just nod politely and disregard what you think doesn't sound right.
In my opinionato, he is indecisive. The man can't choose between you and something else that's conflicting. Whether that confliction be the distance, his work, or a relationship with another person, it's obviously blocking your relationship signals. You should move on. It's never a good idea to try to commit to a guy that can't handle it. This "man of your dreams" can't wake up to deal with reality.
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