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Sun 3 Apr, 2011 09:00 pm
I've known my boyfriend for 7 years and been dating him for 3. Around July I had to leave for a few months to work for my Aunt who's business was having some problems. Right before I left, my boyfriend cheated on me with this other girl, Abby, who had moved onto his street a few months before. Me and her never really got along, because she was constantly trying to get with my boyfriend right in front of me. He told me what was going on, and I told him that if he'd rather date her while I was away that he could. During 3 of the 5 months that I was gone he went out with her and we stayed as friends, until she told him that if he wanted to keep dating her that he would have to cut all communication with me. He then broke up with her and a month later I came back and we got back together. A few weeks later, she told him she was pregnant. She tried to get him to leave me again, but he wouldn't. Now their baby is due in about a month, and he keeps telling me that he wants me to go with him, because he feels horrible that he's not having his first child with me. Honestly I don't feel comfortable with it, and I feel bad for this girl because she really likes him...but my boyfriend keeps insisting it and saying he wants us both to be part of the baby's life. Should I just wait out in the waiting room? I want to support him and I don't want to upset him by flat out refusing, but I don't want to piss off Abby while she's in labor by my even being in the hospital.
DO NOT GO. I suspect this girl got pregnant to keep hold of your BF. Thats HER responsibilty together with your boyfriend. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and you dont need to prop him up.
Its nothing to do with you I think you should stay right out of it.
You have made some pretty interesting decisions within your relationship. I cant say I agree with them but there ya go.
How do they even know it's HIS? Could be someone else's.
No...no, no. Don't even think about it. You could be potentially walking in to a war zone. Her family will be there, her friends will be there and she will having the most difficult/painful/beautiful day of her life. She doesn't need an interloper there at all. Let her have her day. You won't be allowed into her room and I can't think of any reason she would ever want you there. This isn't about you, just stay away.
@lilella,
Quote:"... he keeps telling me that he wants me to go with him, because he feels horrible that he's not having his first child with me. "
Let me grab this whole concept.. you took 3 months out to help your aunt and he couldn't keep it in his pants and not make a women pregnant? oh wait, he cheated on you before you even left? Why did you go back with him at all?
He wants you to go to the hospital so he won't be manipulated by her is about all. He seems to have no backbone.
But he feels bad, though? Sorry...never mind going to the hospital with him - I'd stop the relationship. This is so loaded with red flags it's not funny. How is your future going to be with him now that he has a child with her?
Lastly, why didn't he have a child with you before all this happened if he was so gung-ho about having his first child with you ?
.....so I gather you are going to sit out in the waiting room all by yourself or possibly with 'her' family while your 'I dont wear condoms' boyfriend is in the maternity room watching his child be born????
@lilella,
No other way to describe it - but it is way too icky. Too weird and I think he is out of line to ask this of you.
And right away you are uncomfortable about it - of course you are and you should be. I'd tell him straight out - It is not appropriate for me to be there - it will make me uncomfortable, the girl uncomfortable and her whole family uncomfortable. He made the mistake, not you.
You need to step BACK and watch your male friend at this time.
Let him work this out and come back to you when he has figured out what he wants in his life. Having a child with someone can alter things. This girl may think that they will be pulled together with the birth of "their" baby.
This man betrayed you on so many levels, now he wants you to hold his hand when he has to man up. Beware !!!
And DON'T get pregnant!!!
@lilella,
NO, you should not, do not need to, must not go... you probably should seriously reconsider your relationship with your BF, as PUNKEY put it step back and "review" him.
A baby is sure going to complicate the relationship.
@lilella,
That’s a tough position to be in and I’m sorry to hear it, though I’m glad your boyfriend accepts responsibility and will be there for the birth of his child. Let’s face it, would you really want him if he didn’t? But his request that you accompany him is self indulgent and selfish. I fear it doesn’t bode well for anybody. If you decide to stick it out with this guy, the baby’s mother, and the child, will be part of your life forever more. It will require a level of maturity not evidenced so far.
It won’t be an easy day for you and I wish you well. Keep your head up.
@lilella,
Tell him you'll go only if he asks for a paternity test.
You wanna stay with that dope you got to make sure he doesn't sign the birth certificate until the test results are in.
@lilella,
I'm sorry, but listening to this relationship in a nutshell is making me question whether you should even STAY with your boyfriend. Forgive and forget is always an exception in the rules of a relationship. Once a man or woman cheats (although the statistics are higher with men), they will most likely do it again. They have broken that taboo boundary and now nothing's going to stop them hopping borders.
As to the hospital, you'll be juggling grenades. Your boyfriend feels horrible he's not having his first baby with you? It was his responsibility, and now he alone has to deal with the consequences. Do not let yourself get hurt because of one of his slip-ups. Her family will be there. Do you want them to look at you because they don't know you and have you explain, "Oh, I'm the girlfriend of the dude who impregnated your daughter." Absolutely not.
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