Pleace Read It, and then Nitpick It

This IS Mainland China, is it not??

Where the hell are you going to find a:



amongst those billion or so people??

Right off the bat I only noticed one awkward construct.

The word order of "are reportedly medical workers" seems wrong to me but really isn't.

Adverb word order works like this:

The adverb goes after a to be verb and before other verbs.

For example:

Not "to be": He quickly ran.

"To be" verb: Is is always tired.

In the above example it's used after the to be verb but it looks awkward to me.

Nevermind. The only thing I'd change is 'new' to 'recently'.

Re: Pleace Read It, and then Nitpick It
None of (the) 42 people who had close contact with a new suspected case of severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) in Guangdong have developed a fever or related symptoms, officials said Sunday.

All the people who were in contact with the victim are under quarantine now and expected to finish medical observation within a week.

Among them, thirty-two are reportedly medical workers.

The 32-year-old freelance television producer, surnamed Luo, with the suspected SARS infection is now in stable condition. He is in isolation at Guangzhou No 8 People's Hospital, a SARS designation hospital in the Guangdong provincial capital.


The three changes that are bolded make this a little stronger. Adding "the" makes the first sentence more readable.

Writing out thirty-two in the third paragraph was done because it is confusing to have that number twice in two sentences, once for the number of workers, once for the age of the victim.

Finally, breaking up the long sentence in the final paragraph is a good way to get rid of a long, drawn-out, run-on sentence. I'm not fond of the phrase "surnamed Luo" and would just use that appositive to state his full name, but maybe that's not the way you do it in China. You could also break up the long sentence in the second paragraph... a period after "now" then drop the "and" and start the second sentence, "They are expected to...."

You did really well, Oristar, imho. These changes are very nit-picky. <pats Oristar on the back> Don't grumble -- maybe I just missed something. :wink:

Piffka's first change (the "the") is a really good one. I'd almost say it's a must.

But the change between 32 and "thirty-two" should be uniform IMO.

In a newspaper where I used to work the style guide was to only spell out numbers in single digits. In any case it's a matter of style.

Piffka,

Is that the avatar I made for you last year? And BTW, this can't be OristarA's writing (unless I am way off in my estimation of his level). OristarA frequently asks about third party text.

There's disagreement between subject and verb in the first sentence. "None" takes the singular verb, so it should read "has developed."

Re the 32s. Generally, when two number referring to different things are in the same sentence, it's better to write one in words and the other in numerals for clarity. In this case, the 32s are in separate sentences, so I wouldn't change either.

The long sentence in the final paragraph is not a run-on sentence. In fact, it's grammatically correct. But dividing that long sentence into two makes for easier reading.

"SARS designation hospital" Should this be "SARS-designated hospital"?

'Boita's sharp. The "designation" thing is something I was going to comment on but while Roberta's replacement is infinitely better I'm not sure that "designated" is incorrect.

Roberta,

Interesting verb disagreement. The author probably remembered "people" over "none".

Piffka, I was always confused by the usage of "the". For example: I found the area where I live had had the power cut -- I don't know why I could not change "the power cut" to "power cut"...

Craven de Kere is right, the writing was not written by me. I'm learning how to analyze an article.

Hi Reberta, I also doubt "none... have developed..." is wrong, thanks for your correction.
Personally, I think "SARS-designated hospital" is better than "SARS designation hospital".

Finally, thank you all.

Yep, that's the avatar, Craven. Isn't she pretty? I'll be changing back soon.

Sorry Oristar about my bad help. I can only offer you a quotation:

"No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft."
~ H. G. Wells