Take the Guardians Education Christmas Quiz

Education Christmas quiz
Before overdosing on turkey and mince pies, exercise your brain in our Christmas education quiz.

Why did the fossilised, 425m-year-old crustacean Colymbosathon ecplecticos hit the headlines this year?:
It is the oldest known hermaphrodite
It is the only animal to be fossilised en flagrante
It is the oldest creature to be found with a penis
It is the oldest creature to be found to have a scrotum
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Which of these seminal (and genuine) research papers was rewarded with an Ignobel prize?:
An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various
Surfaces;
The First Case of Homosexual Necrophilia in the Mallard;
Chickens prefer beautiful humans;
Politicians' uniquely simple personalities.
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What does the formula hb= CpaPa(T-35) divided by 60CpbPb all multiplied by ha explain?:
How to brew the perfect cup of tea
How to boil the perfect egg
How to perfectly butter toast
The ratio of milk to sugar to cornflakes to bowl
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And what does the formula pn (j, k)=P{xn+1,s=k /Xn+1,s=j), jE kn, kE Kn+1 explain?:
How to win the national lottery
How to win Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
How to win the Champions League
How to win the rugby union world cup
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And the last formula. What does KP = CSP - (EnC(s+w+r+yn) + PsS(cr+sc+mt+xn) + PhS(c x t x w) explain?:
It is the perfect Jonny Wilkinson conversion/penalty kick
It is the perfect David Beckham free-kick
It is the set-up formula for Michael Schumacher's Ferrari
It is the perfect opening gambit in a chess match
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Why was Dr Peter Smith forced to resign from his post as a fellow at Jesus College, Cambridge?:
He stole and sold one of the Henry Moore statues littering the college
grounds
He confiscated cocaine from a student - then snorted it
He had sex with prostitutes and reviewed their talents for a website
He had an affair with the Master's wife
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Who said 'I don't have a beer belly. It's a burgundy belly and it cost me a lot of money'?:
Education secretary Charles Clarke
Shadow education secretary Tim Yeo
Oxford chancellor (until his death) Lord Jenkins
New (living) Oxford chancellor Chris Patten
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Who said 'I have no hair to share with anyone. Perhaps shared hair is something for the future'?:
Education secretary Charles Clarke
Former shadow education minister Damian Green
Edinburgh chancellor Prince Philip
Brunel VC Steven Schwartz
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What is 'Boomeranging'?:
The tendency for students to head for Australia at the drop of a rugby
ball
The tendency for students to leave university and return to the family
home, skint
The trend for academics to head abroad for big salaries, but return,
homesick
The annual influx of Aussie students to work in British pubs
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What does 'kebabathon' denote?:
The ongoing talks between the British Museum and the Greek authorities over the Parthenon Marbles
A long-term study at Strathclyde about the problem of Scottish food habits
A Home Office game to teach students about burglaries
The battle at Edinburgh to retain its classics department
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Why did Porterhouse Blue author Tom Sharpe veto a further series of the Oxbridge comedy?:
Because Peterhouse College, Cambridge demanded reparations, saying it cut across their branding
Because he felt Oxbridge was 'an outmoded institution no longer to be tolerated or mocked'
Because he felt David Jason was 'too Peckham'
Because the screenwriters had David Jason's character Skullion becoming a sex maniac
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Why did no-one report a body hanging in the grounds of Romania's Institute of Arts for a whole day?:
Everyone thought it was a work of installation art
They thought it was the deeply unpopular principal
They thought it was a old-fashioned warning from police to other robbers
They thought it was a mafia slaying and were obeying the law of omerta
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Which of these isn't a piece of postgraduate research in an Australian university?:
Neo-spiritualism of Wonder Woman and Xena, Warrior Princess
Surf culture in Bali
The consumption of beer and the proof of manhood
The politics of technology, gender and the mountain bike
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How did parents react to news that their children had failed university entrance exams in India?:
They demanded the teachers commit suicide
They got a local shaman to curse
They herded cows into the classroom
They burned down the school
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How did Exeter University recommend teenagers reduce their chances of getting pregnant?:

By a responsible programme of contraception
By taking up religion and chastity
By yoga
By trying oral sex instead
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How did Rod Yellon, an associate professor of political studies at the University of Manitoba try to evade a £25 traffic fine?:
By claiming the word 'stop' on a sign was too vague
By explaining that his excessive speed was relative and not absolute
By saying the excess alcohol in his bloodstream was the result of a work party and therefore unavoidable
By refusing to recognise the power of an unelected court official
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What is the 863 programme for which the Chinese government is taking research proposals?:
To remove gum from China's streets
To enforce the one baby per family rule
To improve the safety of the nation's bicycles
To raise the average height of the population
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What did the all-women's Smith college in Massachusetts vote to change in its constitution?:
To allow transgender students to enrol
To replace all the female pronouns with gender-neutral pronouns
To allow a man to work as caretaker
To ban men within a one-mile exclusion zone
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What did Terry Pettijohn, of Mercyhurst College, in Pennsylvania discover about Playboy Playmates?:
That men prefer stronger-looking women during the harder times, and softer, more vulnerable types when times are good
That men prefer blondes unless there's a war on
That men have never wavered from preferring blondes
That men's have preferred bigger breasts each year
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What have researchers declared to be the most unequal coupling in nature?:
The blanket octopus male (just under one inch long) and the six foot female equivalent
The male sperm wale (six feet) and the female (up to 50 feet)
The female Tamari spider (5mm) and the male (6cm)
The 3gram Peruvian female blue snake and the 1kg male