Is this normal?

Reply Wed 9 Feb, 2011 01:16 am
I hate to be vulgar bu this has bothered me for awhile My husband when he gets into arguments with me will later when Im sleeping fondle me and molest me while Im fast asleep. Of course opon waking Im reaally angry and tell him get away from me. One example he never called me ugly before he yells at me Im ugly the lazy fatass part iv heard before He then tells me Im a bad mom and wishes he never had a daughter with me. And she is the only reason he stays. Well after hearing all that who would want to do anything The sam night he is fondling me while Im asleep. The next nite too. He says Im leaving mon for a week he is in military. Kinda like he thinks I have to have sex with him because he will be gone a week. But he has done it before on other occassions Is he embarassed to approach me Is it because he is not attracted to me? Is this his way of saying sorry? Which by the way he did say didnt really matter though Once words go out they dont go bk. We do sleep together once a wk but he will stil do this. Any ideas why he is doing this to me while Im sleeping I think it's weird and so disrepectful On top of that I work rotating shifts my sleep is precious Maybe some women would think this is nice I'm very calm usually but when I feel violent I want to punch him I have only pushed his hands away. Any ideas is this normal?
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Reply Wed 9 Feb, 2011 04:15 am
It's not normal. Legally it's sexual assault, morally and mentally it's sick.

He know's it upsets you no end, and yet he still does it . I'm guessing it turns him on (in a sick way) that he can do it, and also that he can get you so upset by doing it.

I would be just as concerned that he called you 'ugly the lazy fatass', which I'm guessing is just the tip of the iceberg, and which he may be doing to get you angry with him so that you don't sleep with...so that the above triggers (as I said, it sounds sick).

It is not in any way his way of saying sorry.
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Reply Wed 9 Feb, 2011 06:43 am
He does this because he can separate his physical needs from his social/emotional needs. The tension between you can even be a turnon for him. He thinks his deployment gives him special "rights.:

You need to let him know that when he talks to you like that, it does not make you want to make love to him. He can't disrespect you, then expect you to be loving to him.

He is a verbal abuser and you two need help. This will only get worse. Physical abuse will come later.

Do you have another military wife you can talk to? The chaplain is bound by confidentiallity. He has probably heard all this before.
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