Married, but still in love with my ex..

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I will be married a year feb 14 2011...my ex and I broke up aug 22 2009. The first night we met there was an instant click. I knew I loved him. Our relationship was like a girls dream of when they are little...it was a REAL Fairytale. We never fought and couldnt stand to be away from each other.

One night as we were laying in bed, he gets a text message. It was a random number just goofing off. He messages it back..it turns out to be a girl that lives an hour away just messing around on her phone. She told him she was sorry if he was in a relationship, she was just goofin off....He told her that indeed he was with someone, but she seemed cool, so they could keep texting... Needless to say I was not happy! Well I go home the next day and hack into his email and see that he sent a pic to her...it was not a dirty pic..just a profile pic. Well I go all crazy on him....He starts telling me he cant trust me...that all I had to do was ask. Oh, the reason he sent a pic is cause he is a RN and she said her sister might know him. Come to find out..after more of my research..he did send the pic to her sisters email....

Anyway, he broke up with me...I was soooooo devastated. My world ended. I begged and pleaded with him, but he was just so upset with me. Well we recently started speaking again...I told him that i had a few things i needed to say to him, for closure...or whatever.... I knew it wouldnt be closure but I had to tell him how i feel! I told him that I still lay in bed and cry..(which is true) and that I have never loved anyone they way i love him... and some more stuff...he responded saying he loves me too and he was crazy for letting me go. He wants to meet up sometime and see if the spark is still there..but i'm just scared..cause I know it will be for me...and what if it is for him too...what do i do? My husband and I fight all the time..I'm not happy at all... Please help!

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@nik2011,

And then you apparently jumped straight into another relationship. I mean, let's get the dates right, mmkay?

8/22/09 dude #1 breaks up with you
2/14/10 dude #2 marries you

So the time in between is, let's see, carry the eleven, just under six months. You somehow rapidly got over your heartbreak (which is, for whatever reason, back now), went out, met somebody, decided to wed, planned and prepared for a wedding and got married. All in five months and just a smidge over three weeks.

Anything you're not telling us?

PS Hacking into somebody's account is a damned foolhardy way of showing them that you care or that you trust them. You didn't trust dude #1. Sorry that he's gone -- and perhaps breaking up with you over that (if it was only that) was overly harsh. But you seem to have rebounded just fine, eh?

This ain't adding up.

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@jespah,

Quote:

This ain't adding up

AGREE..........!!!!!!!!!!!

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@jespah,

Your calculating incorrectly jespah. Cut the girl some slack, young love. We all make mistakes.

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Was your marriage a re-bound?
WHY do you and your husband fight all the time?
You need to direct your attention to this marriage and figure out what is up with that. .

The past looks rosey. But make sure you have a clear vision of it. He did let you go, you know. And you jumped into a marriage quite soon after.

Take care of the present, first.
Then deal with the lover from the past.

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@nik2011,

I am also a little skeptical but not exactly for the same reasons that have already been pointed out. You got into a marriage before you had closure from someone who you were deeply in love with? That was your first mistake by not seeking that out and making sure it was completely ended before getting married. Then the fact that you are even considering it which points out that you really don't care about your marriage much. At least from the surface it appears that way, perhaps there is a lot more to this story than you have actually admitted to. Which is where the oddity comes from that I sense. So what have you not told us yet?

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@nik2011,

Quote:

One night as we were laying in bed, he gets a text message. It was a random number just goofing off. He messages it back.

WTF? There's no debate needed..You're dead in the water...right there!

He's dead in the water for taking a text while you're in bed. You're dead in the water for allowing him to take a text while you're in bed.

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@nik2011,

nik, your ex boyfriend dumped you in a most hurtful way. He got a 'wrong number' text. It should of ended right there. Instead he continues the conversation and you are curious, so you check his email. And he's guilty.

He starts yelling at YOU. Tells you, YOU can't be trusted. When it is HIM that cannot be trusted. nik, he is what you call 'projecting'... please look it up, i'm sure you will find it very interesting.

He knew how sick and devastated you were at the break-up couple years ago. He wants to know that again, please look up 'narcissist'

Please don't get involved with your ex again. You must concentrate on your future husband. And think about if that's what you want, marraige.

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@Bayada,

That is assuming the absolute worst case though... People do actually knowingly text wrong numbers, and some people are actually nice enough to start a conversation with a random texter.

The hacking was a deffinate invasion of personal space which was perhaps justifiable, but still would cause trust issues. That he was projecting does seem like the most likely thing though...

Either he is a narcissist who enjoys causing pain (seems unlikely) or they did actually have something. Obviously nik felt something, why shouldnt he?

But after all that, nik, Bayada is right. Seeing guy#1 right now would bee terrible for your marraige which should come first. Even if you had something wonderful you are married to someone else who comes first.

How did you feel when he got that text and you saw the picture? How will your husband feel about you seeing an old lover?

1 Reply

@HFgulliver,

Agree, with your comment Smile

I don't think nik is married ... yet? I don't think she should get married to anyone right now.

I can only imagine how confused her heart is at the moment.

Edit: Oh! I misread, nik HAS been married a year now. Thought it said WILL be married... oh dear!

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@Bayada,

confused is exactly right... sadly when it comes to your husband i feel like confusion is probably a bad thing

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@Bayada,

Bayada wrote:

...Edit: Oh! I misread, nik HAS been married a year now. Thought it said WILL be married... oh dear!

Yep. This is the reason for my skepticism. There's young love and then there's rushing, rebounding or, perhaps, out and out bullshit. So which do you suspect it is? I'm going with bullshit.

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@jespah,

That's because this is fantasy. Too many inconsistencies.

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@jespah,

First let me apologise for my comment to you jespah about the miscalculation. I am the one who miscalculated.

The story doesn't seem so far fetched. Most young (or any age) people rush, like mad, into relationships. The desire to be with someone, sometimes anyone is over whelming for them.

Most don't care who, or what is in their way to have, a boyfriend/girlfriend. Once in the relationship, weeks, months go by, the 'rush' settles. Devastation and a broken heart to one of them is enevitable.

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I tend to agree with Bayada in that the pressure for relationships is overwhelming. I know I have felt it. A bunch of the people you know start dating and there is serious pressure to start dating anyone just so you can say you are dating someone also.

I would assume the same pressure applies to marriage, although much less frequently hopefully.

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@Ragman,

No...I started dating my husband Nov 21 2009. My ex and I broke up aug 22 2009. I got married Feb 14 2010. Yes I rushed into marriage and yes he was a "rebound". But what can I do now? Try to make it work...or follow my heart?

1 Reply

You fall in "love" too easily.

You need to "pause" and think before you do anything.

Why must you feel that you have to choose between a "bad" marriage and an unknown future with a lover who dumped you?

Both ar equally bad.

Get an apartment and be by yourself for a little while. You need space on both sides to see this clearly.

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@nik2011,

I try to avoid advising you one way or the other, but ...

I agree with everything that Punkey just wrote. Take some time out and think about your life a little bit. Give your emotions a rest. Take the time and learn to be on your own outside of a marriage or committed relationship. Even though it isn't right for everyone, you might want to consider some short-term counseling, too.

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@nik2011,

The best thing you could do right now is take a deep breath and think about it all. I know all you want to do is follow your heart. But you do have a husband, nik.

We all learn as we... go. You are living and learning, and that's okay Smile

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@nik 2011

People make mistakes but its time to move on. Maybe try to focus on other things, getting to know your husband to be than wallow yourselves with memories that i know you can overcome, i know you're a strong person and that you can get over it. It may take awhile to accept that you two broke up but really you can overcome this! you can, by focusing on new things and a new life.

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Married, but still in love with my ex..

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