What is love?

We each have choices to make and those choices will take us down different paths which create a different future for ourselves. Take some time to reflect on your situation and what you truly want. Then map out some possible futures. Include things like how you see yourself professionally and personally. No one can really step inside your skin and have all the details to create the future(s) for you. Do you see yourself with her in any of your possible futures? Of all the futures you created is it the future you really want for yourself?

Tell her that her possessiveness is a dealbreaker in your relationship. Apologize for hurting her by being a cheater, you icky boy, and if you can HONESTLY tell her you won't cheat on her again - tell her that.

Then, if you are urged to do the nasty with another chick, break up with Shy Girl FIRST.
If Shy Girl can't get over the mistrust that YOU CAUSED BY CHEATING, then very nicely, but for once and for all, break up with her kindly, admitting while you're breaking up that this whole thing is your fault for cheating in the first place.

You are at a fun age and you're learning cool things about yourself and the chick you want to spend time with. Relax, learn, have fun, and if you've learned anything with Shy Girl, I hope it was DON'T CHEAT on sweet chicks.

Good luck!

You are young still, probably not good to put your focus into just her. You obviously need and want to experience more than what she is providing you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more or something different. If you don't like her possessiveness then you should ask yourself it is something you are willing to accept? If not then you should move on even though there might be stuff about her that you like or are even attached to. You should never settle because you'll rob yourself and the other person. The best is to find the person who you have to make the fewest amount of compromises with. The more compromises you have to make, over the long run the less happy you will be with being with them.

rent a car

What is love but the strangest to feel?
A Sin you swallow for the rest of your life.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more or try something different. But the fact that u cheat on her is wrong

The-one,

I have been in a very similar situation. When my fiancee and I first started going out as a couple (we had been friends for a year prior to that), we lived about an hour and a half away from each other, and I was still in college. Well, I had many female friends in college, and I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend that I was having feelings for one of them. I hung out with this other girl a lot. Nothing happened between us, but my actions created the appearance that we were up to no good, and that's how my girlfriend interpreted it.

Now I'm engaged to that girlfriend, and I have entirely broken off communication with this other girl. It was extremely hard for me to do, since we were good friends, but ultimately my fiancee comes first. It very much pains me to know that I have instilled distrust into my fiancee's mind, but our relationship is so good together that we are both able to live with the pain I caused. However, part of our relationship has been focused on overcoming that pain, and we both make conscious efforts to move past it.

Trust me, the only way a couple can make it together after a cheating incident (and yes, cheating is wrong) is if both of them are willing to cooperate in getting past it. To me, it doesn't sound like either of you two are willing to do that. You sound resentful, and she is possessive. Believe me, I had alot of resentment too, and my fiancee was very possessive, but we have both learned to let go (not entirely letting go, but mostly).

Based on what you wrote, I do not think that you have accepted your girlfriend's faults like you say you have. More importantly, I do not believe you have accepted your girlfriend's good qualities either. Much of the time, when a man cheats on a woman, he tries extra hard to prove to himself that it is somehow her fault. It makes him angry that she isn't the one who cheated. It makes him agree that she's the good one, and he tries to find fault with her wherever he can. He will even try to find fault in the woman's good qualities. Believe me, at first, I was angry at my fiancee for willing to continue our relationship despite the fact that I hurt her so much. I thought she had some sort of God complex.

I think this is what is going on with you. You turn her possessiveness, which is a perfectly understandable reaction to infidelity, into some sort of fault, and you are looking to blame her for the problems in your relationship when you were the one who caused those problems. You need to accept the fact that the problems in your relationship are your fault, not hers. That is the first step. If you cannot make that step, then you will forever resent her, and you should break up as soon as you possibly can.

"Please don't say : If you love her, stay with her. Love does not exist. Love is accepting the defaults of the other, and I DO."

That right there tells me you're not ready to say she is the one. You seem to be just stringing her along. It sounds like she would be better off without you.

No offense met but you're too young. At your age you are superficial, you crave sex and appearances. However, you seem to be starting to understand that you have to accept the defaults of others, no one is perfect, that's a good step in the right direction. You are cheating, and feel like cheating, because you have no experience. If your girl is too possessive that's because she does not have confidence in herself. Let her cheat on you and you continue cheating on her , in a few years, if you can stand that, then agree together to stop cheating. Probably you wont agree to this, because it this is not love, it is just sex like food and money. Love is deeper, so I think you are too young to feel love, give yourself a few more years to feel responsible , committed and caring for the one who needs you and the children you may have.

If you don't want to be with her, part your ways. Earlier you were at fault and now she is not doing right by being over possessive.

What a gross misassignment! Why is this advice to lovers in this philosophy section. The "love" of youngsters for someone else's ass should has nothing to do with philosopical problems. If anything, loving someone (or even something) is concern for their well-being or welfare. A synonym for love is care.

People get possessive because they "intuitively" know that that are never going to receive intimacy from the person they are involved with. Men and women define themselves and others as "things" that fit into a "script" they have learned about what life is supposed to look like.

Possessiveness takes the place of intimacy/relationship and is the result of manipulation and absolutely no relationship. Introversion and shyness are clues to the fact that the introverted and shy person is withholding intimacy to acquire something else, certainty, stability, etc., which are figments of a hyperactvie imagination.

If you don't want possessiveness find out what it means to be intimate which means you'll have to start ignoring your hormones.

What you have is not a relationship. It's an entanglement.

I want to voice my agreement to that, JL.

Love is based on trust and honesty, not lust and ownership. Recently I met this really beautiful woman who I wanted to have a relationship with. But I quickly found out that she had certain ways to react to that. She would invite me out, or accept my invitation, but when we were going out together she would flirt with other men, perhaps to get me to "compete for her". I totally lost interest.
It puzzles me, how women sometimes put men up against eachother in a competition for their favor. The one that "wins" is usually the most inconsiderate and selfish. And then they wonder why they never meet any good guys... lol