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Tue 18 Jan, 2011 08:50 am
I've been seeing this guy since mid-November, and I've never felt more myself around anyone before. The thing is, he told me about 3 weeks into the relationship that he has bipolar and suffers from depression, which didn't bother me because I liked him a lot. But I keep finding out more about his past; he has a six year old kid, he spent a year in a mental institute and he's come from a very violent background.
I haven't flipped out about any of this stuff because I understand we all have our problems and we don't want everyone to know them, and it can take time to tell someone some of these things, plus I also believe that this is after all his past, not his present or future.
Having said this though, I feel like its affecting us a couple, because of his depression and bipolar he will often go through periods where I will hear nothing from him and then find out a couple of days later after worrying that he was just smoking his problems away in his house.
I'm at the settling down stage in my life, and there's nothing I want more than to settle down with him, but I just feel like I'm going to end up hurt, which isn't great as my feelings towards him are very strong.
I don't know whether I should call it off now before I end up becoming a paranoid wreck worrying about him, or before I find out something else or before he decides that he can't handle a relationship. Or whether I should just go for it.. like I said, I do really like him, and everything in my head is telling me to go for it, I just don't want to end up hurt.
I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about this as obviously they are his issues, not mine, but I figured on here it is anonymous, so any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
@lucybam,
Quote:plus I also believe that this is after all his past, not his present or future.
This
IS his present, whether you believe it or not.
He's telling you this. You should listen.
I don't think anyone should be considering "settling down" with someone they've only known for three months.
@lucybam,
lucybam wrote:he has bipolar and suffers from depression,
...
because of his depression and bipolar he will often go through periods where I will hear nothing from him and then find out a couple of days later after worrying that he was just smoking his problems away in his house.
has he talked to you about what treatment he is currently receiving/medication he is taking? certainly, given a diagnosis of bipolar, I'd recommend waiting at least 18 months before making any kind of serious decision about the guy
proceed with caution
I think that it's your gut talking and you should listen. Trust your own instincts. Whatever you do, don't rush the "settling down" part of your life.
Run!!!!
And then find out what's going on in YOUR life that you picked up this wounded bird.
(Sorry to be so blunt but I have seen too many relationships in tatters about this same issue)
@lucybam,
Many people are ruled by emotion, here in can love and optimism overule logic and reason which is why you must alter the condition to which you evaluate the situtation.
Try imagine that you hate him, and see the situation from that perspective, or imagine that someone else are in your situation, then you will not be posetive emotionally involved.
Also you must consider if his bipolar condition can be cured, and which implication it has to you and your relation to him. If there are no treatmen you should let go of that relation, then you would only have 1/3 a person to love, 1/3 a relation and only 1/3 of youself forfilled.
Can you imagine having children with such a man?
@lucybam,
I could be that guy, or similar.
Think long and hard about this relationship. Definitely don't rush in.
People do successfully deal with bi-polar disorders, I know several.
The road is long and hard, at least. Requiring medication, therapy and a good support group.
You both need be aware of this, and prepared for a long and sustained effort.
If this man is not already commited to a program of therapy and support on his own, don't even consider involving yourself in his life, it's a mess.
@lucybam,
I think your bf still has some things he needs to work out. Besides 3 months is a bit soon for making long term plans. Maybe the two of you can see a counselor together to help plan all of this out.
My step daughter is bi-polar. She's been part of my life for 16 years.
She can be a good person.
If someone ask me advice about having a relationship with her as you have, I'd tell them to run the other way as fast as they can.
You have no idea what you are dealing with.
@lucybam,
lucybam wrote:
he spent a year in a mental institute
Nobody gets locked up in a mental institution for a whole year just because he is bipolar. It's got to be worse than that. I'm with Frank, run away from this guy as quickly as your feet will carry you.
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