@peter jeffrey cobb,
peter jeffrey cobb wrote:
Sorry it took me so long to update. Im trying to understand any changes in mood or state of mind so I talked it over with someone in fiesta that I am in contact with evreyday. My mood still the same. I still snap but I dont overthink stuff as much. So I still have the same thought proccess but shortned. Less of a 'Grandiosty' Felling. I do try to see the rational side of things now that I know my disease. Anxiety outdoors is there but shortneed so not as overwhelming. My though proccess as you can see by my topics are still different than 99% of the population. If not more. I cannot even by posting my thoughts in something thats completly opposite of societies point of view. Get a logical argument of why it would be 'delusional' so I must rationalize that my points are not. That does outcast me from society though. The current beliefs that bacteria and germs are 'Bad'. As well all the other posts I posted to include a EMP event thats bound to happen. As being a warnig to either look at our current tecknology or to prepare for a world changing event as not being delusional but as being reality. I talked about sizemic activity. Talked about spending 10% of the worlds millitary budget in space colonization. Talked about how by my defenition God are the voices in my head and with no viable argument against disproving it. So these topics are in the minority of how a regular mind thinks because, well I can just look around and see that. But with no intelectual argument agaist my points of view I can only assume my points of views carry merrit. So I kind of feel that turning down my mind sometimes is like tunning off what could be sometimes a moment of brilliance. But reality is that well let me post then continue, in case my comp shuts off.
I think you're managing to do a good job of seeing how your disease affects your thought processes and how those processes are different than a large segment of society. I don't know that they aren't moments of brilliance either. Or, some moments of pure delusion combined with other moments of brilliance - all contributing to on-going exhaustion. I can't begin to image how hard it must be.
It sounds like the new meds are "taking the edge off", so to speak. To me, that sounds like a good thing -- finding some spot on the continuum where you're still you (vs a zombie-like character) and yet able to function better than without the meds. Is that how you're feeling?
peter jeffrey cobb wrote:
Well like when I worked I lived in hotels, My food there was a per diem so it was paid for and I ate out. Transportation was taken care of. I was able to run simple assembly projects but was terrible with paperwork I just delegated most of it and did alot signing. I cant read for verry long. So I was basicly taken care off. Thank you. But now what should be minor chores are impossible to do. Well it never gets done. As I look on my floor and around me I see pilles stuff that been there for 4 years. No sheets on the bed and I wear the same clothes week in and out. Can not look at a mirror for more than 5 seconds at a time without my mind wondering off somewhere. Looking at it logicaly, I have become severely handicaped by this disesease. So I dont know whats instore for me. I am uneployable right now. And I dont see any changes in any future. I just dont know. Well if anyone got anything please post. Thank you
Did you look at the floor and/or notice the piles of stuff before you starting the new meds? Yes, I understand that you've become severely handicapped. I'm sorry this has happened to you. What a brutal disease! I'm just curious, however, if some of the things you're noticing now are because you're able to see your surroundings better, or have you always seen it and are simply incapable of reacting to it?
