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What to do when the man you love dosent know you do?

 
 
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 01:46 pm
I have been evolved with someone now for a while. When we first met it was clear between both of us that we were just gonna be friends and not complicate things with emotions. Over time i have fallen in love with this man we live together sleep in the same bed our lives revolve around each other and all though i know he cares about me and we have a GREAT relationship he still goes out with other woman and will not tell me how he truly feels. he always gets off the subject. so my question is this is this a lost cause am i giving him his cake and letting him eat too? so i complicate things by telling him i love him or should i leave everything as it is. I need advice if you need more info about the situation let me know.
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,103 • Replies: 9
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CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 02:45 pm
@cmurrell270,
Face it, you two are sex buddies sharing a home and a bed. At least in his mind. He seems like he took you at your word. "Hey, let's live together and screw around with no emotional attachment." Well, now you know how that turns out. I'd feel sorry for you except it is your own fault you are in this situation.

Next time you may want to keep from getting intimate until you have developed more than a "friendship" relationship.

Oh, yeah, the advise I would give you would be to throw him out and get on without him. Or leave if the residence is in his name. Either way, I don't see things getting better.

Good luck.
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 02:53 pm
@cmurrell270,
Tell him how you feel.

Be prepared for "Well, you know I love you too, but..."

It appears that you need to tell him that your definition of "love," includes a one to one committment, and that for the relationship to continue that committment must include fidelity.

If you've already told him how you feel and he ducks discussing it with you then you may not want to waste time trying again.

You could give him an ultimatum, but do you want a relationship that requires one?

I'm afraid you need to find someone who shares most of his good qualities and who will commit to you alone. I'm sure you will.

To have any chance of this happening, I think you need to break off your current relationship with him, and definately move into another residence.

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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 08:06 pm
@cmurrell270,
He obviously doesn't want a committment in his life just now, and you aren't the one to make him change his mind and settle down.

My advice would be to move in with a friend. If he asks you why, then it's fine to tell him something along the lines of "I'm developing feelings for you, and if it gets any stronger that would make things too complicated to keep living with you, so I need some space."

After that, I would also not call him for a bit (it's fine to let him call you), and I would advise against sleeping with him also (because then, in his mind, nothings really changed)

There's many ways to handle this, but in the end it all comes down to this - you need to show respect for your feelings, and for who you are (while also understanding his feeling, but not putting them above yours)...because if you don't show respect for yourself, don't expect him to respect your feelings either.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Dec, 2010 08:13 pm
my question is to YOU...as a woman.

how can you "love" someone who is not into you?

Actually, let me not ask HOW can you love someone... let me ask WHY you are choosing to love someone who is not choosing to love you.

and no. love is not *******.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Dec, 2010 03:58 am
@shewolfnm,
But sex is a companion to love (as in relationship love)
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 28 Dec, 2010 05:38 am
You went into this relationship with an understanding that it was NOT going to get complicated.

Now that has changed with YOU.

But he still wants to keep the "deal".

Apparently he is not ready for anything more than that.

He is seeing other women???
Geez, girl, what other proof do you need that he is not going to get "complicated" with YOU?

Give him the boot or expect to be stepped on.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Dec, 2010 08:32 am
@vikorr,
vikorr wrote:

But sex is a companion to love (as in relationship love)


a companion to yes, but not the defination OF..
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Dec, 2010 04:13 pm
@shewolfnm,
Just the balance to your previous statement Smile
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Dec, 2010 04:19 pm
@cmurrell270,
cmurrell270 wrote:

I have been evolved with someone now for a while. When we first met it was clear between both of us that we were just gonna be friends and not complicate things with emotions. Over time i have fallen in love with this man we live together sleep in the same bed our lives revolve around each other and all though i know he cares about me and we have a GREAT relationship he still goes out with other woman and will not tell me how he truly feels. he always gets off the subject. so my question is this is this a lost cause am i giving him his cake and letting him eat too? so i complicate things by telling him i love him or should i leave everything as it is. I need advice if you need more info about the situation let me know.


Is loving him a lost cause? Yep, looks like it. He avoids the subject. He's sticking to the original deal and you're not.

As to what you should do, that's up to you. I don't think you're going to win his heart, if that's what you're asking, so yeah, it's a lost cause.

I don't think telling him you love him would complicate things but I do think it would end things between you since he's definitely not into that.
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