wife left me for another man

Ai yi yi.

I'm sorry this is happening.

I am thinking, this did not just happen in the past 2 weeks. As in, you only found out about it in the past 2 weeks, but she and her lover were building up to it for some time. Whether the argument was the last straw or not is immaterial -- it's more likely just something she's using as a convenient excuse for making the break.

I think counseling would be helpful for you, at least to get you through this. And -- hate to say it and I bet you're not really ready to hear this yet -- you'll need to consult with an attorney. And, not only get to work on a property settlement and divorce (at the very least, you need to call her bluff), but also on custody and care arrangements for your daughter. Your wife's inappropriate behavior is one thing when it's only about adults, but it is a whole other kettle of fish when a 4 year old child is being directly affected.

I wish you well.

Is it possible this is an issue for Child Welfare?

Sorry, but I, too, agree that this probably has been coming on for some time and you either did not pick up on it or chose to ignore it.

I am assuming that she has custody of the child.

This must all hurt, but your first job is to make sure you keep in contact with your own child. See a lawyer ASAP about visitation and child support.

The term, "like they were a family" is your view on things. You feel replaced. But YOU can do something about that. You will always be her father.

The relationship with your wife if something else. She seems like she has broken ties with you and has moved on. Too bad. " Can you hear me now?"

Diego,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It must be rather difficult to deal with.

Let's get a the reason out of the road first, because it is probably important to you - you may have grown apart (and your wife became bored or lonely or both), or you may have neglected your wife's needs over many years (and she became bored or lonely or both). Either way, she has made a conscious and complete break from you.

This is tough, but personally, I'd change the locks and move her out.

There's some very good reasons for this.

- Firstly, she has lied to you for quite some time - this shows disrespect (she didn't want you to make the decision you were entitled - that is, leaving her when she started seeing another man. Secondly, she can't lie to you and have you believe her, without losing respect for you).

- She likely left you on a pretence, which again shows little respect

- You say she's treating you like dirt...again, little to no respect.

- You have a child witnessing his mother treating you this way. He will 'learn' lessons from this, and how you react. If you react as if you aren't worthy of respect, then he will learn a lesson from that. If you react and treat his mother with disrespect, then he will learn a lesson from that.

- Your child is witnessing his mother going out with another man, yet coming home to your bed...this will confuse the hell out of him. Especially as you allow it.

- show your child that he should always stand up for himself and respect himself, and expect others to treat him with respect (it's okay if they have a problem with him because we all have faults, just so long as they express their problem respectfully)

But mostly, you need to do it for your own self-respect, no matter how much it hurts. By allowing her to stay, you are saying 'I deserve this' (it doesn't matter how much logic says you don't...by allowing her to stay, you have to justify it to yourself, and there's only one emotional way to do that - have a look inside yourself next time she comes home, and see what you feel).

Lastly...by kicking her out, she may come to realise what she's lost (I've seen that happen before). And it may give you time to think about who you are, who you want to be, and where you are going.

Good luck

She probably treats you like dirt to justify in her own mind what she does to you. When there is no good reason, any old bad reason will do. If what you had was good and better than what she has now (including the guilt), then she will want to come back at some time in the future. If not, there is no love lost between you. Best of luck!

Wow, it seems this was a bad day for the both of us. my wife of 17 years left me on the same day. Well, I should say that I caught her again for the final time on that day. My 15 year old caught my wife in an affair back in July. It was another great hook up, courtesy of Facebook. In any case, my son (who is a genius) caught wind of the affair and started waiting for an opportunity to hack is moms computer so that he could gather information for his clueless dad. Well, he certainly got that. It was a graphic, sex fueled nightmare. I knew the guy and was completely shocked. Suffice to say, the guy is a worthless, physically disgusting piece of sh**. I am a good looking, successful, loving man. I thought my wife had gone insane. I too had strayed at one time and she had forgiven me. I wanted to do the same for her. I insisted on some things like marriage counciling and AA. She agreed but secretly continued the affair. I caught her again. Same thing, again, same thing.. What an idiot i was/am. She ended up leaving me for this putz. She lied and cheated and stole my dignity and self respect. I am still in pain and would have done anything to save my marriage but now I see that the only thing that I should have done was let her go. Instead, I went into fix it mode and created animosity and resentment. I now believe there is no chance that this will be repaired. through this process, i have lost any respect that she may have had for me and created a scenario that invited scorn. Don't do what I did. If your wife does not show complete and total willingness to abandon the affair and become completely open and honest, you probably don't have a chance. It's scary getting caught and a wife will do what a scared person does.. hide, cheat and lie until they figure out a way to get out with their skin.