WHY am I so stupid?

Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2010 07:17 pm
Why Have You Not Heard From Me?
Because I'm Stupid!

I've been “out” of A2K for many months now...

Why? Because I'm Stupid!

Why am I stupid? Because I don't know how to ask for help when I need it.

Why did I NOT ask for help? Because I'm “too proud” to ask for it, and would rather suffer in my ignorance than say, “Doh, I've no idea what I'm doing here, can you give me some advice to help me in my current situation?” I also thought (dumbie me!) that I was too busy to ask for advice on A2K. (Note: I am still too busy!)

Why do I need help? Because I am now a “manager,” for the first time in my life, and: I. HATE. IT.
I have had some well-paying positions in my (long) career, and I have studiously avoided management all of these years. I thought I might hate it, as I actually do now.

Why have I avoided management? Because the people I knew and worked with in management were miserable. They worked longer hours and “took work home,” apparently losing sleep over their jobs, whereas I, a simple line worker, could leave my work at 5 PM and resume it at 8 AM the next day.

Why did I become a manager, at 48 years old? Because I couldn't find, in this crappy economy and rural area, any other part-time job.

Yes, you read that right: Part-time! I consider myself, at 49, to be partially retired. I am only available for part-time work. I gave up full-time work 13 years ago, when I got married and figured out how to live cheap without children (whom I never wanted anyway).

Why am I asking you all for help now? Because I just thought of it. No kidding. I'm stupid, for all that I could join Mensa tomorrow.

I've suffered and fretted and been miserable and ignorant since last May, when my former boss called me and said, “I want you to do the job I did last year, managing this county [for a tutoring company]. You'll do great at it.”

I recall clearly that I replied, “I'm sorry, I thought X really wanted this job last tutoring season?” She said, “Oh, X has moved out of the area.”


Then I said, “Er, actually, I've been looking for a year-round job, and tutoring does not supply that.”

She said, “Oh, from now on we'll have a year-round presence in your county.”

Then I said, “Er, actually, I only want to work part-time, not full-time.

She said, “Actually, you would only have to work part-time, maybe 20-25 hours per week, on this job. Will you do it?”

And I thought, Well, heck, my Unemployment will not allow me to turn down a job, so I'd better take it. So I said, “Let me think about it.” (This was last May, 2010.)

I said: “I'll call you back in a day or two and let you know my decision, after I talk to my husband about it.”

Yeah, well, I actually did talk with my husband, and we actually did spend about an hour going over the pluses and minuses of this job, and I actually did accept the job, two days later... to my sincere regret.

Had I been smart, I would have posted to A2K, over 5 months ago, and asked, “Holy Crap, how do I become a manager, when I've never been one before, and never wanted to be one?”

Instead, I was stupid, and decided to “go it alone,” which has always been my way. Since then I have suffered unnecessarily, in my opinion, without the help of my bestest-ever online friends.

Why? Because I'm stupid... oh, wait, no... because I don't like to ask for help when I need it.

The result? Well, several small, in a world-view, disasters. Bad employees, nasty situations, sleepless nights, fear, sweating, and of course... loathing. In Florida.

Help me now, please?

I've never been a manager of others before. I never wanted to manage others before. Now I'm stuck managing others. I hate it, I'm not suited to it, and I've done it for some 5 months now, because I can't find another job.

I hired a complete nut, who in this past week has frightened both my husband and myself with his craziness. Despite the fact that he's been outright fired by MY boss, he continues to plague me.

I've worked over 40 hours per week in the past two weeks... Me, who never wanted to work more than 20 hours/week in her life again.

I'm just now joining local business groups/associations, where I plan to ask for (lots of) advice. My company did not pay for these memberships previously, but is now all over them, since we can now either do it or go under in this area.

Oh, yeah, and I'm stupid because I had never thought, until this moment, that I have rather old friends on A2K. People who “know me,” people who have a LOT more experience at this sort of thing than me, people who might actually give a small flying **** about my pathetic “career.”

So, I ask you, how do I manage 8+ people, and do well at it? (Sorry I'm so late asking!)

Cute cat and dog photos/videos will, at some point, follow this post. After all, they're about as important as this post. At least to me.
Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2010 07:28 pm
Wow, BorisKitten - I'm sorry you're so twisted about all this. And all this seems to be more than a couple of issues...

1. You're not working part-time - that's not what you wanted and I feel for you. Could you possibly hire an assistant manager with people experience who could help you? You could wind up part-time after all.

2. You don't like managing people. Ergo, you're in the wrong job. Could you possibly hire an assistant manager with people experience who could help you?

Get my drift yet?

Either that or look for something similar to what you had before. I would suggest courses, but IF YOU DON'T LIKE MANAGING PEOPLE, there's no point. HIRE SOMEONE WHO DOES.

And hang in there... it could always get worse. Or better!
Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2010 07:33 pm
Hello old friend Mame!

I can think of one woman offhand who would be perfect for this proposed position, and she works for me right now!

Cripes, why didn't _I_ think of that?
Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2010 07:38 pm
There you go then - good luck and keep us posted Smile
Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2010 07:41 pm
Mame, Dear, could it be that easy? Here I've been suffering for all these months...
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Reply Fri 5 Nov, 2010 08:09 pm
Be careful that they don't out source you since you'll be getting an assistant
who will do what you're supposed to do. It's good though however, if you
have people who report to you. Managing people is not that difficult as long
as you're organized and have control over the situation.
What is exactly required from you?
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Reply Sat 6 Nov, 2010 09:55 am
BorisKitten wrote:

Hello old friend Mame!

I can think of one woman offhand who would be perfect for this proposed position, and she works for me right now!

Cripes, why didn't _I_ think of that?

What would stop them from having this (qualified?) person replace you?

Also, you would still be the boss and none of the headaches would go away. They might even get worse because you would then have two levels of employees.

Just a question. How do you collect unemployment if you are semi-retired?
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Reply Sat 6 Nov, 2010 12:13 pm
Boris - by now you know there no such thing as "part time management" - so see if you can job share with another person, since you want just 20 hours.

Otherwise, quit. You have listed too many factors that make this job not the one for you. And don't go into management!! - or any other job that requires you to oversee anyone else.

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Reply Sat 6 Nov, 2010 12:21 pm
Hey BK - long time no see... GOOD TO SEE YOU

hmmmm... can't give advice about the management thing... reckon Mame got it right on tho!


Hope you had a lovely birthday the other day - you're a Halloween babe, yeah? Happy Belated Halloween Birthday Razz

You'll get some good advice from others

meantime... good to see you back Very Happy

ps: you're not stoopid!
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Reply Sat 6 Nov, 2010 12:26 pm
Hi, Boris, glad to see you.

I'm a natural non-manager. I prefer working with others or by myself solving things, designing places, etc. I've fallen into management as supervising tech or program manager in various jobs, but have actively avoided taking over the key management position in a lab that later went 'international' and was glad I did avoid it, no matter the stature could have improved my financial life, and I avoided the idea of going into construction management, g'forbid. Hard enough to be the one, as the designer, to sign off on paying contractors.

So I get where you're coming from.
No handy advice (I'm listening for what others here say) except to keep your eye open for another opportunity.
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Reply Sat 6 Nov, 2010 12:41 pm
If the company won't approve an assistant manager slot (I assume it doesn't currently exist) then perhaps the woman who would be perfect for the job might be better suited for your job than you are. If you really hate your job then ask if you can train her to be your replacement... and then take her current job yourself.
Reply Sat 6 Nov, 2010 01:54 pm
I kind of like that solution.
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Reply Sun 7 Nov, 2010 09:38 am
BorisKitten - life is too short to spend it the way you are. Talk to your boss about it and get some resolution.
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Reply Sun 7 Nov, 2010 06:51 pm
Good to see you again, BorisKitten. Smile
I'm sorry this position is causing you so much anxiety & unhappiness.
I can relate. I'd be a very unhappy manager, too. (Not at all suited.)
I really hope a resolution can be found which better suits your priorities.
Good luck!
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Reply Sun 7 Nov, 2010 07:45 pm
Oh Boris Kitten!

I was thinking about you just yesterday.

I thought "oh, she's forgotten her A2k friends"

But....you hadn't!

Mame's advice seems sound to me.
Why not make this person your assistant, and delegate to her?
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