My cousin's husband thinks she's a 50's wife!

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So they've been dating for over 3 years & they just recently got married on the fourth of July due to her getting knocked up! When these two were just dating, the family couldn't get enough of this guy! He was sweet, charming & always made everybody laugh! Even at our Grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary, he insisted on taking my grandmother out on the floor for a spin! However, ever since the family heard of the pregnancy & marriage things have completely changed! First of all, the wedding was so sudden & he insisted on the 4th that no one was able to come. We heard about the pregnancy around the end of June! He even cried 'till he got his way in order to call an Aunt & Uncle away from their wedding anniversary weekend in order to marry him & my cousin! When it came time to discuss their pregnancy, his ORDERS were that she WILL deliver at his choice of hospital. She WILL NOT have an epidural! She WILL breast feed their child! Even during her pregnancy, she cooked dinner every night, she cleaned house & did laundry, she always served him before herself, layed out his clothes... I'm suprised she didn't wipe his nose for him! She had her baby early (delivered at 34wks) & also had to have an emergency c-section due to severe hemeraging! Their baby weighed a little over 4lbs. He wasn't even worried! He was practically running through the hospital halls telling everyone he passed that his wife & child were on the verge of death! Now, both mommy & child are perfectly fine I am happy to report! Although, daddy never holds the baby, refuses to be alone with the baby! My cousin is so incredibly soft spoken or just too afraid to say or do anything! How do I get through to her that, baby with this man or not, he is no good for them?

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Interesting case. The one positive thing is that he insisted she breastfeed: most men of his stripe refuse to allow it.

Maybe he's a Jekyll/Hide type.

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@plainoldme,

plainoldme wrote:

Interesting case. The one positive thing is that he insisted she breastfeed: most men of his stripe refuse to allow it.

Maybe he's a Jekyll/Hide type.

Even a good thing done without choice is a bad thing... That is why it is so impossible for slaves to be moral... The essential choice is missing from their lives... I'll bet he is already cooking the mushrooms for her as we speak... The idea of controlling children, which is what this will come to, is as sad, or perhaps as ludicrous, as the idea of controlling women... We are controlled as much as controlling of the people in our lives... That is the relationship no matter what form that relationship takes...

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As long as this woman agrees to be in this role, then there is nothing you can do. Maybe she is content with all this - has she said she's unhappy?

At least you know what kind of man you DON'T want to be married to!

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@call girl,

I would second what Punkey wrote. She may be perfectly content with him and his controlling nature. At this point in her life she may well feel she needs someone like that. I'd take a gentle approach with her. Sound her out as to whether or not she is happy with her husband. If she claims to be, then let it go.

But I would keep an eye on things. People who are as controlling as you make him out to be can easily slip into abusive behavior, especially if the spouse begins to assert herself/himself at some point.

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@CoastalRat,

CoastalRat wrote:

I would second what Punkey wrote. She may be perfectly content with him and his controlling nature. At this point in her life she may well feel she needs someone like that. I'd take a gentle approach with her. Sound her out as to whether or not she is happy with her husband. If she claims to be, then let it go.

But I would keep an eye on things. People who are as controlling as you make him out to be can easily slip into abusive behavior, especially if the spouse begins to assert herself/himself at some point.

They can also slip into total contempt and homicide... The one certain fact about reality is its uncontrolability... Those who attrmpt to control people really suffer from lack of self control... Anyone with self control can ride out the changes life throws at us...

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if i ever get married, i'm gonna try and get one of those 60's, Valley of the Dolls wives

pills are good

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@djjd62,

djjd62 wrote:

if i ever get married, i'm gonna try and get one of those 60's, Valley of the Dolls wives

pills are good

You must be thinking stepford wives... Why not just marry a republican... They will let you bump the uglies with them once a month if you promise to act like you don't enjoy it, as an obligation to God, and in fulfillment of your marriage vows...And you might have to say please and thank you...

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@Fido,

pretty sure i meant VotD
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valley_of_the_Dolls

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@Fido,

a wife of mine had better not have any political or religious beliefs

1 Reply

@djjd62,

djjd62 wrote:

a wife of mine had better not have any political or religious beliefs

Long wife; short marriage...

1 Reply

@Fido,

even better, no wife, no marriage

1 Reply

@call girl,

Quote:

My cousin's husband thinks she's a 50's wife!

You've really got to read that title quite a bit

to understand.

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@call girl,

The best thing you can do right now is to be a friend to her. She is incredibly vulnerable at this moment because she has just had a child and she won't be ready for any major changes to her relationship. If he's very controlling, he'll want to separate her from her friends and family. So if you can just be there as often as possible, under the guise of helping with the baby if necessary, so that she has a chance to talk about her feelings and the situation in general and feels supported by others, that is probably the best you can do. You can't make decisions for her or convince her of anything. If there is anything inside her that wants to resist this controlling person then it will find its way to the surface given enough time and support.

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@djjd62,

djjd62 wrote:

even better, no wife, no marriage

I once say an Amose and Andy program where the two flim flammers were selling each other the same house back and forth that was only a facade... There early, the one decided to tour the house... He opened the door and stepped behind the facade.... He said: Short house; I's already in the back yard... And then he realized the situation... What you suggested would have you out of a marriage almost before the honey moon was over...

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@call girl,

Call girl, you say they were "dating for 3 years" , not girlfriend and boyfriend, just dating...

I don't think he had any intentions, ever of making anything serious and he possibly even told her so... Maybe, she got pregnant deliberately, he's all she knows, she's soft spoken, probably thinks he's all she deserves. I have no doubt that a man like this, controlling will be so behind closed doors, until he is married, then it's his business in his eyes.

There is nothing you can do other than be there for her and try to bring out her personality, allowing her to see her own self worth, commend her constantly over how good she is being a Mother, how good she looks anything so her esteme rises above his.

What ever he put her through, through pregnancy stressed her to the hilt, she's still stressed... Be there.

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My cousin's husband thinks she's a 50's wife!

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