Please help, Does anyone else feel like me? What can I do to help my situation?

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I dont have many interests of my own but the ones I do have My husband is not at all interested in, I try getting into anything he is into and support him even if I dont perticually like its, it seems since he stopped playing MMORPG games and stopped drinking, I seem to be what he has diverted his attention to. Dont get me wrong, I am proud of him giving up the drink and love that he wants to spend time with me still after 11 years only thing that I have that he shows some interest in is the children, even then all he really does is shout at them, doesnt give any of them quality time, just wants them to go play quietly so he can try get more attention from me. When I have mentioned about spending more time with the kids, he will take them to the park and sit and watch them but does not join in their games or he will try making something with our boy but ends up doin it all himself and not let our boy do anything just incase he does it wrong. He tries hard to get them off to bed early so he gets more time with me. I would really love this but always feel that he just wants sex, gets grumpy with me when i tell him I just want a cuddle or play a game. He says he feels rejected but most of the time when he comes on to me I kiss him back passionatly to let him know im interested and we have sex (about 3 - 4 times a week) but on the few occasions I say no, he says he feels rejected and unloved. It does not matter how much I tell him I love him or show him in other ways, he does not seem to get it with out me putting out for him. I just feel he wants to know my outer self but not interested in my inner person. This gets me down alot and makes me feel so un special. I feel like I am failing at a wife because of this and failing as a mother as my children always seem sad, bored, crying or back chatting me. My husband knows I dont feel like a great mother so try's disaplining the kids more when they dont answer me or if they back chat me. This only makes me feel worse. I have so much going on and some many people wanting my attention, I can not even remember what my interests are anymore. I have tried to encourage him to go out with mates but he takes that as I want to get rid of him when I don't, just want some space to breath. Wish I could make my husband understand, I love him and my children with all my heart, just want to smile and feel good for a change.

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@isitjustme,

You could try writing him a letter, I've had some success with that in the past. It allows you to arrange your feelings and present them to him without having to argue or defend what you feel.

Cheers
Cycloptichorn

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@Cycloptichorn,

Thanks for your responce, I have tried that and talked to him but either I dont explain my problem well or hes just not seeing the picture, even been to the doctors and all they say is im depressed:( feel like im going insane. Thanks ever so much for replying though much appreciated x

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@isitjustme,

Writing a letter is good for avoiding interruption.

David

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@isitjustme,

Maybe make a project or a hobby out of making him happy.

See what happens.

Several experiments might be necessary b4 success is achieved.
Rome was not built in a day. Consider multiple alternate strategies
to increase his level of pleasure and to reduce his level of discomfort or irritation.

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Your husband has stopped one addiction and started another - using you and your time.

He is needy and is really unable to give quality attentions to anyone, unless it meets his needs. Hence, he can't really interact with his children and is demanding of your time in exchange for sex only when he wants it.

Tell him you want to go to counseling and if he won't go, you go alone.
You are going to need help dealing with this man.
He will suck the life out of you if you don't put a stop to all this.

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I agree with Punkey, you seem to have a very selfish husband whose only interest is to satisfy his own needs. I also agree with joint counseling, and make sure
your husband is coming along. If he refuses to go then you could refuse other
favors he wants from you. Marriage is a two-way street and if he's driving
down the one-way-street too long, he'll end up at a dead-end.

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yes, your husband will suck he life right out of you. He should have stayed home with his mother. You are not a nurse or slave to this man's every need.

Tell him that. Then tell him the two of you need marriage counseling, that you are unhappy and exhausted, and that the kids are suffering because the two of you seem not to get along. Please do this soon.

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Thank you all for your advice, and yes I do feel it is sucking the life out of me. Had a long chat with him yesterday and it hurt him to hear the things I said, I did not want to hurt him but he needed to hear it as I can not watch our children suffer any longer. Can not be nice for them to have a mum that does everything on her own with a dad that does very little with them other then shout alot. All they want is his attention and can visably see all he wants is mine. I am going to make an appointment today to see someone and make him come too. I was starting to think it was me being ungreatful, can see me having a breakdown if I don't do something now. Thanks again for your advice.

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@isitjustme,

I suspect that it will be helpful to your marriage
for him to believe that u r on his side; that your relationship is not one of adversity.

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Men can have the oddest advice to young mothers & wives.

What she could do, also, is start shouting, "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog." Hounding a young mother for sex is definitely not a turn-on for her. "He ain't never caught a rabbit and he ain't no friend of hers".

Doesn't he have something to do? What a bore! A bore, I tell you!

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@Pemerson,

It just appears very profoundly FUNDAMENTAL
to the viability of a marital relationship
that EITHER it is one wherein the 2 partners
r on the same side, helping each other,
in support of one another,

OR

in a relationship of personal competition,
effectively at war with each other;
in such a relationship: "success" is defined as defeating and degrading the other spouse.

Upon those criteria it is decided whether the other spouse is FRIEND or FOE.
Did thay get married to be friends or foes ??

(If thay DON 'T get married, it matters a lot less.)

David

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Yeah, David, and you can say that another way.

Marriage just ruins a good relationship. And, also, every one of us has a set of problems. Some you can live with, some you can't. Whatever the situation in a marriage, it can be overcome if each person does their job, their work. This guy is not doing his job. Whatever happened between my husband and me, I would never ever not take care of, discipline our children. She isn't doing that, probably too drained.

One person has to be, not necessarily the leader, but lead by staying upbeat, doing their job no matter what. Should the other not follow, what the hell? Better start planning for a different life, or check out counseling.

But, then, what do I know about other people's marriages. Cripes, just stand up for yourself, don't dump on the partner.

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@Cycloptichorn,

I'M IN RECOVERY!! I know what he is feelings! (& its not right and MOST IMPORTANT IT IS NOT YOU) We (yes WE need 2 dig in and find out what he missed as a child) A person(& im not talking about your husband) but people need to know A PERSON CAN ONLY GIVE WHAT THEY GOT!! What did he get as a child??? I'm sure I'm not the age some1 wants 2 listen 2 BUT I HAVE SOOOOO MANY YEARS IN MY SHORT LIFETIME!(33 YEARS OLD) But what i have realized is its NOT YOU!! ITS NOT HIM! ITS GOD GETTING HIM WHERE HE NEEDS TO BE!! I would give anything 2 sit down w/you 2 and most important w/your kids!! B/C KIDS DO NOT HAVE A VOICE!! I WANT 2 B YOUR KIDS VOICE!! I WANT YOU 2 HAVE A LONG & HAPPY MARRIAGE BUT MORE THAN THAT I WANT YOUR CHILDREN 2 HAVE A VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD IS YOUR CHILDREN B/C THEY ARE GOING 2 BE IN CHARGE OF THE REST OF THE CHILDREN THAT DONT HAVE A VOICE!! I dont know what else to say BUT I KNOW I HAVE THE WORDS 2 SAY 2 UR HUSBAND AND THE WORDS 2 SAY 2 YOU BUT MOST IMPORTANT 2 YOUR KIDS!!! KIDS ARE OUR FUTURE!! AND IT STARTS W/YOUR KIDS!!! PLEASE DONT LET THE KIDS I DONT HAVE YET START W/KIDS THAT DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE BEING TREATED THEY WAY THEY ARE!! AND YOUR HUSBAND DOESNT KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING RIGHT OR WRONG BUT WE CAN TEACH HIM!!! PLEASE REACH OUT 2 ME!

I know this is a chance but i feel you & your husband need this so im going to give it out on the internet MY PHONE NUMBER 205-575-9272 CALL ME I'M HER 4 YOUR KIDS 1ST AND YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND 2ND !! UP 2 U 2 MAKE THE CONNECTION!!!
Brian Drummond
[email protected]

1 Reply

@brd7777,

1 more thing i did not read any response except the 1 you wrote so i dont know what everything else said and i know some people are open 2 God and you may not be BUT THATS OK CAUSE I WASNT EITHER!!!! AND I MADE IT! IF I CAN ANY1 CAN!!! IDK WHAT EVERY1 ELSE HAS SAID ON HERE EXCEPT THE 1 ABOVE MY COMMENT AND ALL I SAW WAS MARRIAGE RUINS RELATIONSHIPS!! THATS ALL I NEEDED 2 SEE B/C THATS BS!!! U KNOW IT I KNOW IT AND THERE ARE WAAAYYYY 2 MANY OTHER THAT HAVE BEEN 2GETHER FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS THAT PROVE THATS NOT TRUE!! THERE IS AWAY 2 BRING SPIRITUALITY W/OUT TALKING ABOUT GOD!! LOVE IS WAITING ON YOU AND YOU CAN SAVE THIS!! AND U DONT HAVE 2 DO IT BY YOURSELF!!!!

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Please help, Does anyone else feel like me? What can I do to help my situation?

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