Husband lacks interest in kids, family life

It's like when your puppy grows into a dog. I met my husband when I was pg with my first child. He was so good with my daughter. We got married and talked about having many children. In my mind he was a great dad.
We got married when my first was one and three daughters later I notice a trend. Our youngest is everything. He scoops her up and snuggles with her, talks to her because everything she says is to die for, plays with her, and she is all about him to! The others are yesterdays toys and they know it. He denies this comlpletely, but actions are undeniable. He says very little to the older three until he shouts, brush your teeth, go to bed! He doesn't talk at the dinner table, he doesn't hug them every day, some nights he will go to their door and say goodnight but only when I urge him to do so. I think back when we first got married, he would take my daughter and tuck her in so she would be used to him instead of just me, he doesn't take that precaution as they get older. My nieghbors have one daughter and she is all about her daddy, she is sad when he is away. Mine are glad when daddy is gone, they say "Good thing daddy isn't here" I tell them not to say that. He says it's because I talk about him badly when he's not there...I deny that! I do call him a jerk when he's with me, but while I'm laughing and getting him back for tickling me or whatever! They think it's fun when he tickles me and smile to see me screaming on the floor...but I wish he would tackle them instead! We went to a family reunion this summer and my old uncles who used to tickle me tickled them all in a big pile and it was so sweet how they took to these guys! They are usually so reserved, but they weren't shy and were excited each time we saw them.
One other detail that likely aids in the seperation as they grow. We are Army. He joined when my oldest was two. He was deployed when our second was two, and our third was born while he was there, he came home when #3 was 13 months old because that deployment was 15 months long. Then he left again when our third was almost three for 8 months, our fourth was almost one, and now he left again, she is two. We are done having kids and this is a big part of it! My beleifs have changed so I'm not as eager to fill the earth, but I do love love love having babies. I keep loving them, as they grow. I love that my eight year old is goofy and brainy, my six year old is bouncy(clutsy) and girly, my four year old is a smart ...menace<3, often because she is left out....she has a terrible case of middle child syndrome! My oldest two are bonded like crazy, they share a room, read together at night, play mostly with each other, they often exclude my four year old. My youngest aged 2 is a doll, more social than any of them were as babies, from six months to today she talks to everyone when we go to the grocery store, hysterical! Obviously she gets all daddy's attention and lots of mine to. She still has some baby privilages, though thank goodness she is growing up and takes the word "no" a little better. Number three though, is to little for the big girls, but big enough to not get away with baby stuff. She then demands attention, and my husband will pay attention when they need to be repremanded, he wouldn't consider my mush story of middle child syndrome. I don't worry so much, I make a mental note, time helps, make up for it later, pay attention to her feelings and wait for time to bring our youngest up to her level. Soon they will be buds and we'll all balance out. Hopefully my husband will wiggle out of his cacoon! He is deployed again. I wanted to take the kids hiking before he left. He was silent, except telling me to say when we turn back cause it was my thing. But I guess at least he came out, baby steps... It's sad to think that another six months gone by is a big growth period for a baby. She will be taller and thinner, she will talk more and hopefully be out of diapers...will he forget she's his baby?
I tell them I miss daddy and wish he was here...I feel like I'm trying to get them to feel that way. They look at me with blank faces, I know they feel rejected. Once I thought if I convinced them to like him he would reconnect. But how can I say to the kids that they have to pursue their father's attention. Thats stupid. Part of being a little girl is being pursued by their daddy. I know how to keep his attention. I stay in shape and intuned to his interests and as a result we have a nice relationship. My interests are his, I'm okay with doing what he likes. I've fallen in love with the Alpine climate and snow boarding because of him, even though he will never care for my home Hawaii. I'm not ino TV but really got into 9 seasons of X-files and Lost marathons with him. I wish he would have read every parenting book I did even though it wasn't his thing, God men should tell you that before you have kids...I'm not into parenting! You kind of just assume if you are having a child that the interest in parenting is clear! He's still interested in me because I am interested in him, but it's not the kids job to fight for a relationship, it's the adults job to ensure the children that they are loved and guided. He says "Why would I do what they want if it's not interesting to me?" And I just want to punch his face, hello, how about all the things I do that at first I think I'm ganna hate but I do it anyway because I'm interested in his interests! Not that he's ever going to love dressing their barbies, but their uncles and Grandfathers do it when they visit! They know it's funny to see a man dress a barbie, but that makes them all the more lovable! We live far from family, my husband and I are "It" for the kids except Holidays and I feel most of the time its just me stretched for them and him, big baby! He could do non girly things like hiking or playing outside, my eight year old needs to get rid of those training wheels, I'll probably be the one to do it even though I'm as small as her + bike. Teach them to throw a ball like his dad dis with his sisters! Instead he decompresses after work with news online, then goes to the basement to play video games until dinner time and then plays guitar after that. I like video games, not the ones he plays, but I get it, it's a fun thing, but why between the hours of 5 and 8 is that all he can squeeze in!??! Decompress for an hour and then talk and play with the kids, read to them, tuck them in, he beleives in Jesus, freaking pray with them like I used to. I'm no longer a beleiver so I'd rather them not be indoctrinated but it really blows my mind how anti social he is in our own home. He has stated that he feels himself in a shell at home. I guess thats step one, admitting there is a problem! I just want him to hurry up and get with the program, times ticking, they are growing up fast!

URL: http://able2know.org/post/ask/husband/