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Visiting Australia? Read this first.

 
 
Adrian
 
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2003 11:46 pm
These are all questions that have been posted on an Australian tourism website. Not sure about the answers though.

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not ...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?(France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,852 • Replies: 22
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 12:18 am
LOL, sounds like a Canadian joke, except there's no snow in this one.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:25 am
Oh my! I must say that this did me a lot of good - I was all depressed and disgruntled - I love it. I am stealing it and sending it to all my friends!!!!!
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:37 am
hahaha!!! You go girl ;-)
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:45 am
This is a bit of netlore, apparently true.....

Person X (actually Cicerone Imposter) asked:

Quote:
From Grube
I am coming to Australia for a 3 year stay. Should I bring my CD's to play on Aussie equipment?


Following is why should you NEVER ask Aussies a perfectly straight (tho stooopid) question.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:46 am
Quote:
From Adrian Rose

You will need an American to Australian converter device. This is usually hard wired into the CD player by a reputable Australian tech. They are all familiar with the device. Just pop into any CD store and request the phone # of the nearest CD converter tech. Its usually only around $30 and you will not even know it had been done. You will be able to play not only US cds, and Australian, but as a bonus, European ones too!

Caution-do not try to play bootled CDs after the conversion,you will ruin the cd player.

From Adrian Rose

Sorry about that last post-to play your US cds in Australia,they merely need to be passed thru a strong magnetic or x-ray field,such as you get at Customs.Be sure to pass each one thru separately,as bulk passage may leave the ones in the middle unplayable in Oz.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:47 am
Quote:
From Mark A. Gray

Well...this may gave worked for you, but I found that the only way the get 'em playing was to smear the shiny side with a very thin layer of vegemite. 'Course this makes the inside of your CD player rather sticky, so make sure you have lots of tissues.

From Hans Andersen

Don't listen to them. To play American CDs in Australian CD players, you will need to regroove them. This is because Australian CDs have a different track-width (i.e. 10 ums instead of 5 ums). To do this you will need to buy some fine-grade sandpaper. Try to find some with a grain size of between 8 and 12 ums (micrometers for non-technical people). Put a piece of the sandpaper on a table with the rough side up. Now put your CD on the sandpaper and turn it slowly in a clockwise direction, pushing down hard. Oiua la (spit) - now you have Australian standard CDs.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy Australia.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:47 am
Quote:
From Michael Jennings

No. That is completely wrong. Australian CDs are exactly the same as American ones except for the fact that the 'groove' goes in the opposite direction. That is whereas an American groove goes inwards as you go clockwise an Australian groove goes inwards as you go anti-clockwise. This is because Australian cars drive on the left and American cars drive on the right. If the groove direction was not reversed there would be parity problems with car CD players. Unfortunately, this means that you cannot play an American CD on Australian equipment.

From Stephen P. Guthrie

You smartarse. Obviously this is nothing to do with the side of the road cars drive on. Do you seriously expect anyone to swallow that? Anyone with a brain knows that it's related to which direction water goes down the plughole in the Southern hemisphere. In other words in the US the cd rotates in a clockwise direction. In Australia it rotates anticlockwise. Of course this is also true if you play your cds in South America for example. This is actually quite neat because if you play your beatles cds in the Southern hemisphere you hear all this neat 'backwards masking' stuff about Paul being dead and taking marijuana. Also I heard that you hear all sorts of satanic stuff in other rock albums, but I'm not a fan myself. My question: has anyone done any experimets about playing cds at the equator or at the notrh pole? At the equator do your cds stop playing altogether. What about in a reduced gravity environment, like in a free faling elevator?
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:48 am
Cruel - it is cruel.....
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:49 am
Quote:
From Orion Auld

At the equator, the cd's stop rotating, so the cd players there must rotate the laser about the stationary cd. The units are very expensive.

By contrast, at the north pole, cd players are very cheap. This is because neither the laser or the cd require a motor to provide rotational energy; the cd is placed precisely on the north pole, tied to the firmament so that it doesn't spin , while the laser is fixed to the earth, slightly off-center, and the earth provides the rotation.

>What about in a reduced gravity environment,
>like in a free faling elevator?

The cd's are virtually weightless, so they can be very massive and yet consumers will have little difficulty operating them. I hope that answers your question.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:50 am
Quote:
From Jim Gunson

I'm glad you brought this up. The variation of the Coriolis force with latitude (zero at equator, max at north pole, min at south pole), gives rise to the so-called beta effect. Basically what happens is that when a clockwise-spinning object, in the northern hemisphere, moves north it speeds up, when it moves southe it slows down. I've conducted experiments whilst driving my car here in Boston: if I head north on route 93 at 75 mph with Kylie's "Locomotion" on the CD player, the pitch of her voice goes higher, but you have to be going pretty fast to notice this. Heading west or east this doesn't happen. To the original poster, if you do find you're having trouble with the Coriolis force adversely affecting your US cd's in australia, try turning the cd player upside-down.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 02:51 am
Quote:
From Adrian Rose

No, no, no...................please dont confuse the Coriols effect with the Doppler effect-the two are quite unrelated, and the Doppler effect is ALMOST unnoticeable, when playing out-of-area CDs,or even records.

The effect was most noticeable on 78's,but that's now academic.

BTW,I am able to offer the conversion at only 75cents (us),if done in bulk. E-mail for quotes.

From PHolman1

No if regrooved in the N Hemisphere the must be spun counterclockwise, remember Aussie turntables etc spin the opposite way, ps Marmite works as well as Vegimite.

From Armadillo

No, American compact discs will only work if you drive on the right-hand side of the road. But I wouldn't expect an aol.com user to know these things.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 03:09 am
STOP IT!!!!!!!! (I love it....)
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 03:17 am
That is it. I have gone back to posting pics of drunk cats to offend Margo (lawdy, my life sucks!).
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 03:35 am
hahahaha!!!! That is toooooo funny.
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 01:27 pm
Smile
ignorance of Oz knows no bounds!
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 01:46 pm
I can honestly say the same about Canada. People think it snows all year here. They picture us in igloos and getting around on dog sleds.

I'll be beck, I must go polish my snow shoes.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 01:46 pm
Margo
I absolutely love your avatar :-D
0 Replies
 
pueo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 05:35 pm
margo wrote:
Smile
ignorance of Oz knows no bounds!


i've also heard that ignorance in oz knows no bounds Razz
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Dec, 2003 08:25 pm
Adrian, your list is neither definative nor comprehensive. For example:

How many opal mines remain undiscovered in Australia?

Where are they?
0 Replies
 
 

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