Grammar problem again

Forums: English, Esl, Grammar, English Esl English Grammar
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And then the noise increased, rattling the Olympic National Stadium, waves of sound soon punctuated by fireworks as the lights on the surfaces of the drums and the rhythmic movements of the percussionists turned the countdown to Friday’s start of the 2008 Olympics’ opening ceremony into a blend of technology and tradition.

I think something is wrong with this part of the sentence, "waves of sound soon punctuated by fireworks" . We should insert the "soon" between "percussionists" and "turned". I would rewrite it thus:

Quote:

And then the noise increased, rattling the Olympic National Stadium, waves of sound, punctuated by fireworks, as the lights on the surfaces of the drums and the rhythmic movements of the percussionists soon turned the countdown to Friday’s start of the 2008 Olympics’ opening ceremony into a blend of technology and tradition.

Is it alright?

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@fansy,

That's a pretty convoluted sentence. I think your changes are much better, but I would leave out the comma between sound and fireworks so that it says

...waves of sound punctuated by fireworks

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@fansy,

You changed the meaning, the intent of the writer, Fansy. 'soon' tells that the fireworks came close to the waves of sound.

Your 'soon' points to the collection of sound and fireworks, which was not intended by the author.

Here 'soon' equals "waves of sound that were closely followed and highlighted by fireworks, ..."

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Grammar problem again

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