7
   

OMG. I've turned into my mother.

 
 
Reply Thu 26 Aug, 2010 08:01 pm
So I gave Mo one of "those" lectures today. You know the one -- the one where you chase their friends off and give them the "bad influence" rigamarole.

The one where you yell "Are you the kind of boy that blahblahblahs? 'Cause we got a problem if you are."

The one where you say "I want you to sit here and think about it." because you know that if you have to sit face to face with them for another second that your head might just pop off your body and explode.

The one where they come down later and give you a hug and say they're sorry while they sit by you and cry out their regret and you rub their back and say "I love you" and "It's not okay but we're okay" while thinking "I will rip the head off anyone who ever f***s with you."?

Yeah... THAT one.

Just like mom used to do.

So, parents, when did you discover that you were becoming your mom/dad?
 
Diane
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Aug, 2010 08:39 pm
@boomerang,
Oh, how I remember. It was shocking! As I was scolding my sons, I realized that the words coming out of my mouth were my mother's words. Yikes!

Maybe there is some sort of genetic tendency or, most likely, we grew up hearing those very words.

I learned how to filter out some of the words and the tone, while my mother was inhabiting my brain (horrible thought), while talking to my sons, so that I could somewhat control all those years of listening, and not listening, to her scolding and her obvious disappointment that I couldn't be more like her. Besides, she wasn't always snarky: she could be wise and loving even when she was mad---once in a while.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 07:39 am
@Diane,
At least I'm in good company!

My mom was great. She didn't scold us very often but when she did, she did it with meaning. I remember getting the "bad influence" lecture and thinking she was not only clueless but mean too.

I can't believe how right she was.
Intrepid
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 07:47 am
@boomerang,
When I said, "You'll thank me for this some day."
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  3  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 07:56 am
every time I phone chat with Diane's sons I tell them the same thing "please ignore everything your mother or I advise you" her sons are in their 30's.
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  3  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 08:00 am
This will hurt me as much as it hurts you.
That one was when I realised i had turned into my father.

I was shocked when i also turned into my mother with a hurt "i'm so dissapointed in your actions" and glistening eyes.
0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 11:41 am
Dadpad, you and Intrepid posted two of the all-time phrases used by parents.

I hope more people post so that there will be a collection of "famous" or "infamous," parental phrases used when their kids have misbehaved.

There is one thing that bothered me when listening to some parents; it was "Oh your picture was the best in the whole class" or "I will have to talk to your teacher because the grade she gave you will hurt your GPA. How will you possibly get into Yale or Harvard???" Some parents actually sued the school for not giving the kid a better grade.

Those kids could do no wrong and they made it plain that they were better than everyone else. To me, that was as bad as the parents who yelled at their kids. Will they grow up feeling entitled to everything, knowing that their parents will get them out of every situation? It's damn sure those kids will take a long time to grow up and learn how to do things on their own.

Dys, by the way, is serious. He sees that my sons had been pampered and he tries to reinforce the importance of making one's own decisions, even if it leads to unfortunate results. At thirty eight and thirty four they have learned that lesson the hard way, but their father still has some control over them by making many of the decisions our sons should be making on their own.

The way Dys talks to them is one of the most important things that made them come to love him. That and his breadth and depth of knowledge. They can sit and talk with him for hours. I was thrilled seeing how quickly they formed a loving and respectful relationship with Dys. Quite a guy, isn't he? Do I wish he had been the father of my sons? Of course.

Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 01:09 pm
@Diane,
you mean like "I hope you grow up to have kids just like you..."
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Aug, 2010 01:26 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:
So I gave Mo one of "those" lectures today. You know the one -- the one where you chase their friends off and give them the "bad influence" rigamarole.

I just did that last weekend!

My wife has been her mother since day one.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 09:36 am
How about "Don't make me come down there!"

I hear what you're saying about Dys and your sons. Learning how to make decisions is hard work.

If I'm guilty of any parenting sin it's probably allowing Mo to take some risks and make mistakes.

The chasing off his friends was hard for me becuase, really, if you can't make your own decisions about who to befriend what decision can you make?
0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 11:28 am
LOL, Rocky! Dys doesn't believe in anything metaphysical, but I've told him to be ready when I find him in our next lives.

Quote:
The chasing off his friends was hard for me becuase, really, if you can't make your own decisions about who to befriend what decision can you make?


Yeah, I remember doing that. It is hard, but they also are children and need our protection and guidance.

You are such a good mommy. Mo is a lucky little guy.
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  3  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 02:07 pm
Bear did the "Do you want me to pull this car over?!!!"... Once.

Stephen, being handicapped and over-stimulated from the day of sightseeing on vacation, said "Yes, please."

We laugh to this day about the "What do I do now? Kids aren't supposed to say yes to that question!" look Bear gave me.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 02:25 pm
@Ticomaya,
boomerang wrote:
So I gave Mo one of "those" lectures today. You know the one -- the one where you chase their friends off
and give them the "bad influence" rigamarole.
Ticomaya wrote:
I just did that last weekend!

My wife has been her mother since day one.
Years ago, we hired a young lad to work around one of our furniture stores in Arizona.
After a while an older fellow, with kind of a shady appearance n demeanor, a new friend, began arriving to drive him home.

A few weeks later thay were killed while thay were unsuccessfully robbing a bank in Texas.





David
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 03:20 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
Danish Modern or Early American?
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 03:26 pm
@dyslexia,
First National
0 Replies
 
HexHammer
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 06:04 pm
@boomerang,
I am adopted, and still suffers many of my parents traits, good and bad. One becomes what one abhores.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Aug, 2010 07:50 pm
@HexHammer,
Which parents are you talking about? Birth parents or adoptive parents?
HexHammer
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Aug, 2010 12:39 am
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

Which parents are you talking about? Birth parents or adoptive parents?
Ah yes, my adopted parents.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Aug, 2010 09:57 am
@HexHammer,
So why do you "abhor" them?

Do you think not liking your parents is unique to adopted children?
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Aug, 2010 03:00 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:
So why do you "abhor" them?

Do you think not liking your parents is unique to adopted children?
Apparently, the strains of parental dynamics can be very stressful.

I (kind of) accidentally took a psychology course involved with this in the 1980s,
from Dr. Nathaniel Brandon (ex-friend of Ayn Rand).
I took the course because I considered him to be a superbrilliant psychologist,
some of whose work I had read.

I suffered from the residual effects of having been obsessed
with a certain young lady for quite a few years. I hoped that he 'd help to relieve that.

HOWEVER, the course was mostly turned toward residual parental problems,
which Brandon himself said that he suffered.

Anyway, at one point, he had everyone (maybe 400 of us)
lie down on the carpet and we were told to imagine that we
were on our death beds, in hospitals. The door opens, and
one parent enters, hence: its now or never for getting feelings
off of your chest. After a while the parents switch places.
The first leaves and the other enters; same scenario.

I heard terrible shrieks of obscene language
complaining of parental interaction or absence thereof.

By co-incidence, a few years before that, I had that happen for real,
except turned around in that it was my mother on her death bed
in a hospital, but instead of all that hostile acrimony n character assassination,
I thanked my mom for being so wonderful a mother, SUPERB,
far above others, with whom I coud compare.





David
 

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