2
   

do mens sex drives decrease?

 
 
Reply Tue 10 Aug, 2010 05:11 pm
ok so me and my man have been together for 5 months. We have always been attracted to one another im a pretty girl tall blond 135 ponds and ive had 2 kids! sometimes we do it every night and then suddenly we cut down to once a week ( NOT MY CHOICE) im the woman and i feel like i have to hound him for sex, i wear sexy outfits to bed but i still get nothing from him not even a good night kiss. He just finally started working again but i know thats not it cuz this would happen even when he wasnt working...I dont think he is cheating there is no signs of cheating BUT i have caught him jerking off before i will come to bed or he will pass out on the couch watching it. Why would a guy want to do that instead of comming upstairs and doing the real thing? Like really you cant take FIVE minutes out of your night to make your partner happy? ARRGGHHH Plz someone explain this to me...
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 1,241 • Replies: 6
No top replies

 
parados
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Aug, 2010 05:44 pm
@MissApril,
I'm curious how you found time for sex every night with a 1-4 month old in the house.

I can think of a lot of couples that would be grateful to hear how you were able to have a baby that young and find that much time for sex.
MissApril
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Aug, 2010 06:21 pm
@parados,
lol, my 6 month old baby sleeps through the night he has since he was 6 weeks old and like i said its a 5minute thing usually, i would be concerned if people have issues understanding how i can find 5 minutes of fun with my boyfriend!
0 Replies
 
Khethil
 
  2  
Reply Tue 10 Aug, 2010 06:39 pm
@MissApril,
MissApril wrote:
ok so me and my man have been together for 5 months. We have always been attracted to one another im a pretty girl tall blond 135 ponds and ive had 2 kids! sometimes we do it every night and then suddenly we cut down to once a week ( NOT MY CHOICE) im the woman and i feel like i have to hound him for sex, i wear sexy outfits to bed but i still get nothing from him not even a good night kiss. He just finally started working again but i know thats not it cuz this would happen even when he wasnt working...I dont think he is cheating there is no signs of cheating BUT i have caught him jerking off before i will come to bed or he will pass out on the couch watching it. Why would a guy want to do that instead of comming upstairs and doing the real thing? Like really you cant take FIVE minutes out of your night to make your partner happy? ARRGGHHH Plz someone explain this to me...

Hmm, a couple of possibilities there

For a lot of people, having a partner who's libido outpaces your own can kill a good thing. Its almost as if there's a "perfect-rate" of having sex that couples find and if one outpaces another too much, they'll burn the other out. Its possible that the frequency of encounters you want is simply far more than he wants. No mater how good you or "it" is, play your favorite song too much, too often and you'll want to avoid it.

Also at play there (it sounds) is what appears to be a desire on his part for variety. For some people, having a variety of sexual stimulation is just a phase - while for others its a regular need. For those who don't resolve this, they go from partner to partner and have severe difficulties settling down. If this is the case, the only way to find out is to get to know him more thoroughly - and that's up to you.

I wouldn't push, prod, guilt or try and cajole him. Be available and as difficult as it may be - you may want to let him come to you, else you run the risk of fostering resentment for what he might perceive as 'pressure'. There's a push-me-pull-me at work in sexual relationships, I believe, where the more one pushes past their mate's ideal rate, the more the other will pull away. If and until they both find their common ground, its going to be frustrating

Patience and lots of communication (talking, not arguing or guilting) is definitely indicated
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Aug, 2010 01:54 pm
Try to go away for the weekend. Even low cost camping, if needed.

No baby, no TV, no sexy underwear, no work.

If he still does not respond, dump him.


0 Replies
 
KaseiJin
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Aug, 2010 09:09 pm
@MissApril,
MissApril wrote:

... BUT i have caught him jerking off before i will come to bed or he will pass out on the couch watching it. Why would a guy want to do that instead of comming upstairs and doing the real thing? Like really you cant take FIVE minutes out of your night to make your partner happy? ARRGGHHH Plz someone explain this to me...(bold mine)


Howdy there MissApril. First of all let me say that I appreciate (and I'm gonna take your word for it all in a somewhat general way, at first here) your honesty here...and your willingness to express your libido level. (if my little lady could just get some of that...we'd be out in mountain hot springs every second night).

Then, in addition to what Khethil has mentioned above (also possible scenarios for his condition), and regarding the connection between the areas in bold, above, I'll say this. This looks like a possible case of porn addiction. It can, and does, happen; and it tends to kill actual drive for active ('real thing') sex. It is a general fact that masturbation is usually less energy consuming than active sex, and the visual lure (which is slightly more of a male thing, than female) is captivating--making it easier to get addicted to. (and the producers try to keep it that way, because that's one sales point)


If I were to offer any suggestion (and please do not take this as professional advice in any way [although I have, and am, studying in this general area of sexology]) I would suggest that honest, specific and detailed communication lines should be opened more between you two. Without really putting any pressure, or being too directly (mental agility will be needed), it might be good to express your emotional loss due to not being as fulfilled (as a woman) as you feel you should be. Also (and again, in a good way...smooth and loving) it might work to try to get him to see the possibility of his being addicted to porn, and getting him to acknowledge that such may be the case. Having done that, and with his seeing that the porn might be getting in the way of a real 'eros' release with the love for his partner (you), it may be easier to talk him into forcing himself to stop watching porn. That, along with your heartfelt attention towards helping him do that, may be able to get him to cut down on masturbation as well. (1)

In your sexual contact and activity, give talking about your and his fantasies a soft, introductory try. (although in new relationships, it's usually not so needed) Masturbation is a fantasy expression, try to see if you can work it out so that he at least fantasizes during sexual contact with you (and understand that you too, will have fantasies to play out mentally) only.

These may help, but of course, one thing I can say for sure; there are many, many variables which come into play in such matters, and we here have almost NO knowledge of the hard-core facts (no pun intended) so can only take general pot-shots in the dark, towards trying to improve your love and sex life. I do wish you two, and your family, the best !!!

KJ

1. It may also be helpful to find some of the softer porn which lends itself towards the female audience a bit, and watch some together (ONLY SOME...do not over do it) and enjoy the connection along with that. There is one company (the name slips me at the moment, but I'll try to check it out and get back here) which deals in material to help couples' sexual relationships. (especially those in mid-life, or over, relationships, but it'd be useful for all, I think)
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Aug, 2010 09:11 pm
Me, I think Ms April is a jerk off.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

Sex and Evolution - Discussion by gungasnake
Sex Affairs and Public Figures - Discussion by Thomas
Pre cum and ejaculate - Question by Chelsea120
Does every woman have her price...? - Question by nononono
sexodus - Discussion by gungasnake
Why Judaism rejected homosexuality - Discussion by gungasnake
am i addicted to masterbation? - Question by 23Flotsofquestions
Hairfall and sex - Question by out-mounty
I'm 31 and bad at sex - Question by BadAtSex
 
  1. Forums
  2. » do mens sex drives decrease?
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 02/24/2024 at 11:27:41