My bf isnt over his ex...HELP

Hi MissApril. Do you think his contact with her could be his attempt to stay in touch with her for the sake of his child he has with her? The xoxo you wrote of may really not mean much at all. I've been married 28 years and still when I send an email to a few of my female friends from back in the day I will sign off with "Love ya", which I do but not in the way I love my wife. And my wife has no problem with it because she knows where my heart is.

So maybe your issue could be your insecurity over the relationship the two of you have and you need to just sit down and talk to him about it. But remember, he will be in contact with her regularly since the two of them have a child together. If you cannot handle that, then you picked the wrong guy to make a baby with.

Also, he tells you he is in love with you but you say he doesn't show it. Why do you think he doesn't show it? You don't say in your post. Is it because he keeps in contact with the mother of his child? If that is the only reason you think he doesn't show he loves you, then again the problem is your problem to deal with because he is going to keep in touch with her if he wants to be a part of his kid's life. Wouldn't you want him to keep in touch with you and be a part of your kid's life if the two of you were not together? Of course you would.

Wow, there's a lot going on there.

First off, the fact that he's consciously committed to you is a good thing. It tells me that despite anything else he's feeling, he's chosen his voluntary commitment to include you. So, that should bode in your favor.

Ex's come as baggage - baggage that can't be disclaimed or sent ahead. You must carry it with your mate or get rid of them both; there's really no disconnecting it. Also, you can't fight an ex because you'd be battling with a set of memories to which you're not privy: Only the person who had that bond can put their past experiences in context with their current relationship. If they - by cause or lack of action - allow memories to infringe on their current relationship, it'll be up to them to recognize and fix it; and its not going to fix itself.

So knowing this, I'd advise you to express your concerns and set down any "lines in the sand" that are important to you (borders, "don't cross this", etc.) then simply trust - or ditch the relationship and be done. Whether or not you're OK with where he places you (and the ex) in his attentions in the pecking order can't be known until a good deal of time has past.

There are some causes for yellow flags here, that make me want to toss you a big "Caution" flag:
- Twice now he's impregnated women who, twice, had to give him the boot.
- That he had no desire to reconcile with you after you first left (that indifference)
- That he can't seem to connect with you now

... all should tell you: Proceed with Caution

If he's actualy chasing her then your decision is simple but difficult: Stay and take what you know has likely not been resolved -or- Leave and lose what you do have. Staying gives you the chance for a big payoff down the road, but at what cost? Leaving puts the pain on you now but could free you from a situation that might not change.

Bottom Line: No clear way, take stock of your priorities and tolerance levels and give a sharp ear to what your gut's telling you.

Good luck

OMG girlfriend - you chose a loser!

Can't be father/man to a woman twice in a row?
Works all kinds of hours - then goes drinking?
Can't 'connect' with you - yet he wants to 'connect' with past gf?

You know the handwriting is on the wall; you just don't like what it says.

Perhaps he found you overbearing and clingy? Or the reverse, distant and removed? Perhaps he was just trying to fill the hole in his heart from the last relationship at first? If he making a point of getting women knocked up, maybe this is an indication of an emotional frailty and a fear of losing emotional investments (which generally means he's going to try to stay intimately connected with as many people as possible). If you continually questioned him about whether he was over his ex, that's sending a message that you don't really trust him, and in turn, he will trust you less. Why exactly did you break it off with him at 5 months?

Another thing to consider is that you sent the "xoxo" messages to his ex. Just as you are deceiving her with your perceived comfort, she may be tricking you in the same fashion, supposing there is something going on?

Thank you all for yours comments!! i agree with some points you all said and not so much others!! 1. i havent pressured him about being over his ex but numerous times i have caught him on my blackberry creeping her facebook picsso naturally i asked him why did you do that looking at 426 pictures on a blackberry is time consuming and his reaction was to get mad and walk out, 2. im not insecure and i knew when i dated him he would have to talk to his ex, I also have a child from a previous relationship so i know what that means that me and my ex will forever have to communicate but you can bet ill never text him "goodnight" or xoxox or have a great day... I dont feel that is normal he hates when i talk to my ex but i was the one who ended that relationship and have proven i can almost not even stand my ex! I'm not needy at all ive worked so hard to show him i care and i wont just leave him like she did, hense why im trying so hard! But at the same time i dont think i deserve to be 2nd choice, And yes perhaps knockin me up was his way to try fill a void he had from loosing his first family i thought that as soon as it happened and then when i broke up with him at 5r months pregnant he was texting her he missed her and wanted her back, her and i developed some what of a friendship and she told me everything. I know she doesnt ever want him back but i sometimes feel like she likes knowing he still cares about her most, he has a new gf and new family but he still wants me kinda thing...It's drives me wild!!

How do you know what's in her mind?

Suppose she's teasing him, or at least, laughing about all this.

Your problem is with HIM, not HER.

Get out of her head and into your own.

thank you for pointing that out i had NO IDEA my problem was with him. lol

We like to be thorough here at A2K.