Wifes emotionally gone!!!!!!!!

I am spouse of a MSG with 23 years, and I have often been an FRG leader.....

3 months out is about right for the start of the normal distancing between a deploying soldier and a spouse that is staying behind, so even though you were both deploying what happened does not seem so odd. However, the start might have been normal but where she is now is not.

I would be wondering about what depression symptoms she is having. The military teaches you guys the symptoms, if she has very many of them you should suggest that she talk to the chaplain or seek other services. If that is not it then she is seeing someone else on the side.

well i'm pretty sure she isn't seeing someone else and yea i've suggested her to talk with a chaplain but she doesn't listen, i don't know i'm about ready to throw the towel in i mean i love her but tired of the no affection and bullshit i'm ready to start a family when we get out of the military soon and i just don't see her getting out of this slump, so i think i should prepare myself for a ending chapter. what do you think?

Soldier! There are so many resources you can tap into. If she does not want to work on the marriage, then you work on it as best you can.

YOU go talk to the chaplain.

How old are you two?

Where is the deployment?

I think your wife is telling you that she is depressed. Her behavior is consistent with a depression.

Can you get her to talk about any of the things that are bothering her? Do you have any clues about what it might be?

First off, you need to improve communication between you and your wife. She has to be able to tell you what is bothering her, whether it is something in the marriage, or something you are doing, or not doing, or something that only relates to her. You have to try to encourage her to talk, and just listen patiently when she does. As long as she remains withdrawn, you won't be able to help her, or support her, or to address any of the things that might be bothering her. Let her know that, in an understanding way.

Also, tell her you are very concerned about her and the fact that she seems to be depressed and unhappy. Tell her you want to make an appointment for you both to meet with a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, if one is available where you are stationed. If she is depressed, it really is a problem for both of you, so there is good reason for you both to see a doctor together and describe the situation to that person. That person might be able to get your wife to open up a little more about what is bothering her. He/she might also be able to assess whether your wife might benefit from some medication for depression. But, it is important that your wife begins talking about her problems first. Medication might be unnecessary if her problems can be addressed by talking about them. A chaplain might be helpful, regarding some marriage counseling with both of you, but I think that you would be better off speaking to a doctor first--both of you. Your wife can always decide to continue speaking with someone on her own if that would be more helpful for her. Depression is a problem which should not be ignored.

Go to the base chaplain. The military thing you two share complicates things and that is the place to start. They are trained to deal with pre-deployment issues, but this sounds like it has been going on for a while. Confidentiality is protected with the chaplain, and if she is depressed, he can spot it and make the proper referrals.

Don't delay - for either of your sakes. Go alone, if needed, ASAP.

Your wife and/or you may want to check out http://www.facebook.com/michellescuthrell and her book http://www.behindthebluestarbanner.com/home.html.

Sweety -
Do what firefly said.

Ordinarily, I'd agree but this couple MUST go thru military channels.

I just got back from a family deployment conference (nephew is leaving for Iraq next month0 .

Her behavior and the stress in the marriage is very common for those who are deploying and the fact that both of them are going is double the stress. Again, I encourage chaplain intervention here. They are specially trained for the unique military - life spin on all this.

This isn't a pre-deployment situation, they already have deployed, together, and they see each other routinely throughout the day.

The military has medical personnel available, as well as chaplains, don't they? Military doctors should also understand emotional difficulties related to deployment, if that is even the issue in this case.

It is not at all clear what might be troubling this woman, or affecting her behavior, simply on the basis of the info we have. And the topic poster hasn't yet returned to update us or provide more info.

going to doctors puts your situation on the record and can lead to bad things happening to your career, it is best to try accessing help in such a way that your commander does not find out. With all of the problems the military has had with abuse and suicide made worse because people will not go for help for this reason they are putting in place ways to get help that are at least partly shielded from commanders. Who a soldier talks to about these problems is important. Chaplin's are a good first stop, because they will not report unless they decide someone is in grave danger if they dont.