other peoples anxieties

It is according to whom that person is, and what is your relationship. If the person was an integral part of my life, and his anxieties affected my life, I would do my darndest to help him cope.

If the person is a casual friend, and seems not to want my help, I would butt out.

Hi EP!

Maybe they are anxious because you keep trying to approach them, wearing that look that you wear, in such moments.
Look in the mirror and do that look - It's an eye-opener when you realise how scary you may be interpreted to be.

Have a lovely day!
Mark...

that maybe so, but that could simply be their reaction to my approach, rather than the way in which I approach. I am aware of the way I approach the situation, but whenver I try to confront it, this person becomes defence, and more often than not simply leaves my presence, and avoids all discussion about the issue. to me, its not that I approach it from the wrong angel, I try to be calm and considerate, and pose simple suggestions, but that usually doesn't get me anywhere.

Most people simply do not want unsolicited advice. Only if someone asks should you offer your brand of advice. Why don't you know that? You are being pushy.

given certain circumstances, I think "pushyhness" can be beneficial for some people, especially if that person is reluctant to take the step which you are sure will benefit them in the long run.

Yes. I used to have a friend who was very sure his advice would benefit me in the long run.

and did you friends advice benefit you?

Didn't take it, and he is no longer a friend. See if you can't come up with some sort of connection of the two.

What situations do you perceive them to have difficulty dealing with?

What sort of advice are you trying to give them?

How do you attempt to give them this advice?

Well for one thing, I don't deal with it unless they want me to. It's their issue to discuss, so if I was the one initiating a discussion on it, I'm off on the wrong foot already. If other people's anxieties have specific consequences for you that you don't want, I suggest you talk about those specifics. I wouldn't raise the broader psychological issues until the other side raises it first.

Thomas is right. Don't go there unless asked.

So - how can you be 'asked'?

Simply by letting that person know you are available, WHEN and IF they want or need you to LISTEN, not to offer advice or counsel or suggest anything.

Just listen.

The key is to be "approachable." That often means just listening, not talking.

Hi EP!

No. Your approach (your entire body language) will reveal your intent, it will be easily recognised by its commonality to the observer (your friend).

You have no reason to interfere, unless prompted to do so first.

Do not be so arrogant to assume yourself confident enough to project your wisdom upon others. Even you, when on unfamiliar ground, are capable of introversion.

Have a brilliant day EP!
Mark...

My son (age 40) and I have an agreement: I don't offer advice unless he asks for it first.

"What do you think?" is a very dangerous question, anyway.

The person will be defensive because he/she feels uncomfortable talking about it because obviously it's an issue. Try going out more, the person will feel more confident the more he/she steps out of their comfort zone.

Hi Caroline!

I agree on the most part, but I believe that not too many can handle what lies beyond their comfort-zone.
That which does not kill us, most certainly makes us stronger - But this only applies to the survivors... Your cure is poisonous to the unadaptable.

Anyway, have a great weekend!
Mark...

Yes you're right, not many people like to step out of their comfort zones but if he/she wants to get somewhere and gain more confidence then they should be willing to take small steps to gain more confidence instead of running away or they just wont get anywhere.
Thanks Mark you too have a great weekend, take care.

that is what I thought would be best, but they are just not confortable at all with the idea of stepping beyond and into what they are anxious of. I didn't push the point, I just made the suggestion, and they recoiled, as expected.

Take one small step at a time, they have to be brave if they want to overcome this, start off with something they feel non-threatening like a walk in the park or the country, I mean what could possibly be threatening about that, that way they'll get used to being out and seeing the odd person then build it up to something more crowded like a coffee shop but take it at their pace. Make a suggestion to go for a walk simply to get out of the house, don't make it obvious that you're trying to help, it's an off putter. Little steps as little as they have to be, if that doesn't work I don't know what to suggest, therapy? Also they have to want to be helped in order for it to work, if they dont want help then they'll have to suffer! Try gentle coaxing with something they are comfortable with to start with.

Hi EP!

What is it that your friend is anxious about? It will be easier to reason their behaviour pattern and reaction to relative dependant stimulae if this is known. If you don't know - don't touch!

Kind regards!
Mark...