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Living in a home with 3 different family units, one being abusive to their child...

 
 
CK879
 
Reply Thu 22 Jul, 2010 10:41 pm
I live in a 3/2 apartment with two other family units, but we're all related. Well my sister, married to a no go for nothing lazy ass. Well, they have a 2 year old boy and they constantly yell at the poor child, even when he isn't doing anything wrong. Day in and day out, I can hear them yelling and screaming even with my door closed and sounds like they're right up against my ear and this has been going on for the past 7 months and I'm growing extremely tired of putting up with it.

I keep confronting my mother about it and she keeps telling me to look the other way, I just tell her that I cannot do that and since I'm in school to be a Massage Therapist, I am obligated to report any abuse, verbally or physically. Still I'm told to stay out of it. How can I when I see them hitting and yelling at the child for no real reason? It hurts knowing that this is going on and something needs to be done about it. I cannot get close enough to the kid to check for any signs of physical abuse but I know for a fact that he has been struck repeatedly. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs at those two if that means by trying to get the point across, but knowing that anything said will fall on deaf ears.

Right now, as I type this, they are constantly yelling at the child and I'm at the point of turning them in to authorities, as well to CPS. Thing is, CPS where I am, seen to not give a damn about anything and are incompetent. I really don't know what to do right now. I'm about to break and go on a rampage and I can't let myself go that far.

Some advice please.
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Jul, 2010 11:02 pm
@CK879,
I would tell my sister that you think what they are doing is inappropriate and abusive and if it continues even one more day - you will call the authorities.

If she tells you to mind your own business, you'll just have to tell her that this is your business - because as you said- it is. If you know a child is being harmed or endangered - any child - you should make that your business.

You may have to end up moving out, but that'd be better than this poor little boy being chronically and continually abused. Right now, this is the biggest difference you can make in this child's life. I hope you have the courage to make this difference and help this little boy.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 07:29 am
Jeez Louise! Somebody has to be that child's advocate since their parents obviously aren't. And since you're aware of it, that'd be YOU. Your mother is a crap mother and grandmother for telling you to ignore it. Bullshit. That poor little kid is defenceless - he should not be subjected to any of that abuse. Call the CPS and the Police. Get him away from his horrible parents!! What would you do if that was YOUR child being abused by them? I can't believe you've been listening to this for 7 months and have done nothing about it. His well-being is way more important than any other considerations.

Get off your ass and report them!
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 07:31 am
if the rest of the family will look the other way, then the rest of the family thinks abuse is ok.

You have to see you are the only one who can save that child.

By all means, talk first.. then call. But dont let a lot of time go between the two choices.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 07:42 am
@Mame,
whoa mame, let's not knee-jerk here. each state has a body of law usually called something like "childrens code/family law" whatever. CPS must operate withing that body of law including the courts/judges/lawyers. accusations are not actionable without court accepted evidence. certainly if there is legitimate evidence of abuse this should be reported to CPS.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 08:11 am
@dyslexia,
She just needs to do what she can. I can't speak for what the authorities do, and she's not responsible for that. But as a human being, much less an aunt, she needs to do all she can for that child. And it's certainly not knee-jerk. It's a moral and compassionate reaction.
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 08:59 am
@Mame,
CPS/ child abuse/neglect/ family law are certainly and dangerously misunderstood. I have personally responded to 1000's of "abuse" reports of which greater than 90% are rooted in divorce/custody battles, family feuds, neighbor feuds. sorting out the issues/agendas and then determining the best interests of the child within the parameters of law is an extremely difficult process. the "knee-jerk response" is all too often the result of imposing moral and compassionate judgments (as opposed to legal judgments) without factual basis. would be a good subject for discussion but probably impossible on a forum. child abuse/neglect is an overwhelming problem/issue that most certainly needs to be examined especially as to the best interests of the child.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 09:49 am
@CK879,
I see two reasons to report - first, for the child - second, to protect your future license to practice.

In Ontario, if you do not report suspected abuse of this nature and it is determined that you were aware of it, you can be charged - and your licensing status impacted.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 09:51 am
Is yelling 'abuse'? Can that be something to call about?

I know the contents of the yelling can be, but what about just a loud voice?


( sorry.. just a random question!)
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 09:53 am
@shewolfnm,
yup

couple across the street lost their kids as a result of the investigation that started with their next-door neighbours calling the police about the yelling that could be heard from outside the house
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 10:28 am
@CK879,
I think you should call them, CK879, and then step back. Let the professionals decide how big the problem is. Maybe they will at least talk your sister into taking a parenting class. You might be saving this little boy from a childhood of misery, so it's worth the call.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 10:42 am
The very next time it happens, walk to their door, open it, take the baby, go back to your apartment and lock the door. Tell them you're not going to stand by and watch what's going on any more.

Your post reminded me of this little film I just saw:

dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 10:44 am
@Green Witch,
good advice.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 10:46 am
@boomerang,
kidnapping is a felony.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 10:49 am
@dyslexia,
Then she should take a cop with her.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 11:13 am
@shewolfnm,
She said she heard him being hit.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 11:15 am
@shewolfnm,
She said, "How can I when I see them hitting and yelling at the child for no real reason? It hurts knowing that this is going on and something needs to be done about it. I cannot get close enough to the kid to check for any signs of physical abuse but I know for a fact that he has been struck repeatedly."

dys, that's what I suggested! Call the authorities and let them decide. What did you think I said?? Good grief.
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 11:16 am
@CK879,
I would tell my sister and her husband that I am aware of what they are doing and that I am planning to call the authorities and that way the yelling and hitting (she said she knows the boy has been struck several times) will at least probably abate somewhat immediately, whereas if you call CPS and explain the situation, it may take a while for them to assign a caseworker, and that's only if and when they even determine it is warranted.

In other words, if you simply call and don't make the sister and her husband aware that the game's up and you ARE calling , the abuse can continue unabated until or even if someone visits to investigate at all.

I once called CPS in a non-professional role as the neighbor of a three year old child that I continually saw being neglected, in the sense that this little girl wandered a riverside park by herself at all hours of the day and night. I was told that they didn't routinely investigate unless they had two or more corraborating calls outlining the same problem or concern. This said to me that unless someone else called and complained - this wouldn't be investigated. I don't know if it ever was or not - I was a stay-at-home mom and my daughter was the same age and we lived across the street, so I just sort of adopted this little girl and took her everywhere with us to make sure she stayed safe. She made it through - thank god.

I guess it also depends on the relationship you have with your sister. Is she stressed out - being married to such an asshole? Maybe she could use your help.
I'd talk to her first because I wouldn't want to do anything so backhanded as call authorities before I spoke to my sister about what was going on and how I might be able to help her. But I know all people are different- maybe you think your sister is an asshole too.

But yeah - I'd talk to my sister NOW so the abuse comes out in the open NOW and maybe stops NOW for that little boy instead of him having to wait for possibly weeks and/or months for CPS to intervene.

I'd predict that 'yelling' would be rather low priority for them, given what else they probably have to deal with, more pressing and obvious abuse situations - in terms of delegating their work force. And if you can't say that you've seen evidence of physical abuse - I'm sure that'll play into how fast they make your nephew's situation a priority.

0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 11:41 am
@boomerang,
the cop would call CPS and would not aid and abet kidnapping and would arrest the caller (aunt?) if she did what do suggest. I'. truely sorry if I have offended the sensibilities of some many here but having spend a life-long career in child protection I do have some knowledge of which I speak.(leaving out Canadian law of which I know nothing). There has been offered no meaningful evidence of the child being hit so the "abuse" consists of yelling. Lets consider the potential effects for the child. Foster care vs being yelled at by your parent? no question in my mind. Were I the CPS investigator and in fact deteremined that a level of emotional abuse were occurring I would talk to the parent(s) with a heavy authoritarian tone essentially warning them that their behavior was not acceptable and that I would be watching for further occurrences. I would then refer them to parenting/mental health agencies.
CK879
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jul, 2010 01:10 pm
Thanks for all the advice. I know for a fact that talking with my sister about all this abuse dished out between her and that asshole, isn't going to go through one ear and out the other, but easily washed off as if nothing was said. It's as if my sister has been brain washed in the past 4-5 years by this asshole and his parents. My sister was raised so much better than him, but there is no sign of that anymore. I have been saying how much of a disgrace they are to Caucasians. He, himself, has been raised to be a racist bastard, when my sister was raised the opposite. But if my sister will not listen to our mother, than there is no way that she will listen to me. It's very sad, but true.
I would like to have physical proof to show, like a cam recording along with audio, when I turn them over to authorities, because knowing them, they will deny everything. Plus he has also been cheating unemployment for the past 1-1.5 years.
Honestly, I don't care if my sister will hate me for a life time because of whatever I am going to do when I can provide that evidence, as long as I feel that I have protected my nephew. I have my brother with me to have my back and hopefully when it happens, my parents will be right there behind me too.
 

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