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How to get over your ex to start with your new!

 
 
Fred
 
Reply Sun 30 Nov, 2003 08:08 pm
Ok everyone I've done it and this WORKED for me!!!!! Follow these SIMPLE 10 steps!!!

10: Accept reality: she's gone
9: Clear your head You must let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship.
8: Learn from your mistakes Once you've stopped the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up, and the reasons that made you ultimately so incompatible.
7: Talk to her Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex, and get things off your chest. This way, she will understand where you're coming from, and not misinterpret anything you may do or say.
6: Cut off contact with her The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us may like to think that they can retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is usually just not possible. There are always unresolved issues that cause those affected to act in strange ways. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
5: Put her picture away While you're at it, collect any and all memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any trinkets that you amassed together, and throw them out. Or, if you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it, and put it away in a closet or storage space.
4: Find a new favorite spot Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs as your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together, and will inevitably cause you to waste your energy thinking about your ex instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before, and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
3: Introduce her to friends and family Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to associate the two of you together, and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
2: Don't compare Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
1: Appreciate her uniqueness Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her, and appreciate them all the more.




Best of luck to all!!!!!!!!!!!
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 2,756 • Replies: 10
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Dec, 2003 07:56 am
Sounds good Fred.
0 Replies
 
SealPoet
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Dec, 2003 05:54 am
I'm sorry... missed a few episodes of the soap opera.

New girlfriend? So soon after your latest fiasco? Be very VERY carefull! You'r head is not quite your own.

Made that mistake once. Still paying Child support (good boys, even if they ARE sons-of-a-bitch).
0 Replies
 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Dec, 2003 05:59 am
The title of the thread suggests a new ex there SealPoet, but lets not get into semantics, heh heh. Fred, sounds like a step in the right direction. You can keep us informed, but if I see one more "I made a mistake and boinked my ex" thread from you after this, I will personally hunt you down and kick your ass. Good luck, seriously. Wink
0 Replies
 
SealPoet
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Dec, 2003 06:07 am
"Pronoun trouble." -Daffy Duck.

Reread #'s 7, 4, 3, 2, 1 Fred's on the prowl again...
0 Replies
 
careline
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Nov, 2004 09:49 pm
help
In responce to Freds 10 steps. I have tried everything, and I cannot get rid of the feeling that I have lost the person i'm suppose to be with. I have dated other people to just get my mind off of him. I have gone out endless nights with my friends, I tried to drink, I have tried everything. I know that i'm the one who left, but I feel that i cant get rid of this love I have for him. I just found out he was dating someone else, and I am devestated. I know that I dated people, but I only do it to get my mind off of him. I want things to work out between us, but I dont know what to do. These 10 steps made me feel worse, because he was able to do the 10 steps and I havent. We broke up 4 months ago, I can't sleep, I can't eat, i cry myself to sleep. I am at my wits end! I used to pride myself in that when I leave someone I never want to go back and I could walk away easily. Why can't i do this now? Why am I wanting to hold on to this relationship? What do I do?

Please help!
Careline
0 Replies
 
random sunspots
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Nov, 2004 05:03 pm
Careline: Fall in love with someone else.

Or, less mature, but as effective: think of all the bad things about him, all the things that annoyed you.
0 Replies
 
Mikeymike
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Dec, 2004 06:54 pm
When we let ourselves fall in love to the point we can't breathe without our significant other. We are basically saying I am weak without you. You have to dig deep within yourself and find the strength to go on without him. Just because he is not here now doesn't mean he won't be later on down the road. I myself fell in love with my better half that I am with now. Her and over the past 2 years have separated more then a hand full of times and got back together. Yea I went through what your going through right now and it sucks. But one thing I learned that made her always come was #1 She saw that I was strong without her (even though I really wasn't) 2# I acted like I was dating other people. #3 In given time she realized how much I loved her and how much she really loved me too. And after so many times of breaking up and getting back together. We're still together! I hope you find what it is your searching for.
0 Replies
 
el pohl
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Dec, 2004 09:43 pm
Seems perfect. The hardest thing though is to understand that there are more people out there and that the "ex" just didn't cut it. Yes, she was really special and you loved her but... something wasn't right.

Dang, I'm in that situation. Its tough. Got to find another girl. Or better yet... be well with myself, by myself. Just myself... then look for the girl, or wait untill someone looks at me.
0 Replies
 
Aurora Dark
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Dec, 2004 01:25 am
Careline, I know how you feel Sad

My fiancee and I separated a short time ago, and it was the most devestating thing I've been through (emotionally). However, our situation was a little different because (I found this out later), he felt the same way I did. It's strange that we agreed to part peacefully, but came back together because of our grief...

but, getting back to my side of it:
I tried being with someone else, I tried pursuing others unsuccessfully, I tried all kinds of things. It was a time of strange, horrible confusion. I didn't know what I wanted anymore, because "the ideal person" I'd always wanted had entered my life and was gone. I didn't know who else I could be happy with. I'd even said before when we first got together (how funny, that it ended up being true) "If this fails I don't know what I'll do, because you are perfect for me..."

Luckily for me, he was just as distressed as I was, and after a strange silence and a lot of sadness we fixed the mess.

I definitely can't guarantee that your situation will have a happy ending, and for that you have my condolences. I have indeed felt the "I lost my "one" person..." pain before, and for your sake, if this doesn't repair itself I hope your instincts were wrong in guiding you that way Sad

HOWEVER, if worst comes to worst, yes you can heal. Imagine what you'd do if he'd died, instead. Deal with it the same way if you must... This wonderful person was amazing, but now they are gone. Sometimes even our soulmates must leave us, somehow people can heal over time.

Best of luck to you Smile
(PS: Have you spoken with him about how you feel?)
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Dec, 2004 05:24 am
Re: help
careline wrote:
In responce to Freds 10 steps. I have tried everything, and I cannot get rid of the feeling that I have lost the person i'm suppose to be with. I have dated other people to just get my mind off of him. I have gone out endless nights with my friends, I tried to drink, I have tried everything. I know that i'm the one who left, but I feel that i cant get rid of this love I have for him. I just found out he was dating someone else, and I am devestated. I know that I dated people, but I only do it to get my mind off of him. I want things to work out between us, but I dont know what to do. These 10 steps made me feel worse, because he was able to do the 10 steps and I havent. We broke up 4 months ago, I can't sleep, I can't eat, i cry myself to sleep. I am at my wits end! I used to pride myself in that when I leave someone I never want to go back and I could walk away easily. Why can't i do this now? Why am I wanting to hold on to this relationship? What do I do?

Please help!
Careline


It's only been 4 months and when you love someone deeply, unfortunately it takes a lot of time to recover or get through what I call the "mourning stage". I truly know how you feel and know that you feel that the pain will never go away, but it does in time. I found that the best way to recover is to pull yourself out of the dating game for awhile and just take some time to build yourself back up. I know that spending quality time with myself helped me a lot in those times and I think everyone needs that time. Take that time to pamper yourself. Go shopping and buy yourself something that you've been wanting, take long candle light bubble baths, go to a spa, get a manicure, etc....

Best wishes to you. My heart goes out to you.
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