Marriage/ relationship

Wow...marriage; yeah tell me about it. But it can be just fantastic in a good number of ways if both of the bond partners work together at it. I guess I'd have to say that I like getting married, though (maybe?); I've done it twice now . . . hee, hee, hee. . .

Well, ms1, if you are actually and honestly looking for advice (and please keep in mind that this is the internet) one would expect to have a little more information to work with.

'Children,' tells me it's been more than at least three years (reasonably), and 'scolding, beating, teaching bad manners to,' tell me it is thinkable to consider some six to seven, or more, years of marriage now. For the 'love juice' in the general mate bond situation, around four years is the international statistic for drop off. This will allow us to think that this 'keeping the love alive' deal will now need effort . . . but, unfortunately, the agape, philias, and eros of love, is not all there is. There is money, yes, and sexual/libido, that's true too, but there are things like natural changes in personality (which may often enough this simple fact of aging, at other times possible due to other central nervous system developments, and so on).

While we have almost nothing to work with here, I would presently very strongly suggest two BIG things:

be honest and open about it with your partner, without negative emotion, nor efforts to point fingers, and open the communication lines by
reaching out first, expressing your concern openly --again without negative emotions or pointing fingers).

(It could also be suggested that one good way to prepare for this, is to sit down and write out a heart-felt letter, expressing your concern regarding the family unit, the people you two are responsible for directing towards life (children), and the lovers' relationship and bond which you two had formed, seal it in a envelope, and put it away somewhere . . . without sending or giving it to her . . . then, with that off your shoulders, start the communication [and don't expect miracles nor sudden and quick results...give her a little time])

I get what you're saying. But, a little time? This woman is beating her children, she doesn't deserve a little time. M1, you should seek out advice from a counselor quicker. If your wife refuses to go with you, go by yourself, then maybe she will go with you next time.

Your wife seems to have some real and pressing problems that could have her stressed to the limit. Do either of you have a parent who could keep the children for a short spell, give her a break? Take her out to dinner, to a movie. You must know that there are things you can do, too.

I can appreciate your concern there, Pemerson, and wish to simply point out, at the moment, that we don't really know what's happening. The OP used that wording, but that, actually, is only the wording which we see, and the mind will of course tend to fill in. However, to be more honest, we'd have to admit that we don't know--and thus temper our present responses [I'd argue].

Now, if we were to take that wording as being representative of a state in which social workers would decide to remove the children from that household for their own safety's sake, then, I would fully agree that we would have an urgent situation. As it is, with the great lack of specific information we have at the moment, I'd very much tend to not 'fill in the blank' too much. However, regardless of what action we may suggest, time passage will be a sure thing . . . unless, again, it is that bad. (Let's see what the OP will get back with)

Well, what do we know?

According to the OP:

Disturbing behavior that is new: Possible abuse to the children, bad mood, possiblity of affair (not confirmed)

Yes, there is too much 'unknown" - but 'beating' kids is unacceptable, and that alone warrants some intervention.

Get some help from relatives, pastor or social worker. The woman is showing signs of stress, for sure.

I would still wish to encourage care, as well as thoroughness. We can take the OP's word for it, that his wife is beating the kids, and that in his mind that is the best descriptive word for the action; but is it though? There are cultures, or sub-cultures, where the accepted method of punishment for children would be seen as crude--maybe beating--relative to theirs (and yet the children do not grow up any more psychologically disturbed or unhappy than those of the cultural group which would see such standard correction as 'beating.'

Yet, please do not misread me here, I am in no way attempting to condone 'beating' in the sense of that in which a social worker in your average industrialized Western culture would have to even think about taking the kids away. All I am saying is that we really don't know; and we have no real reason to so fully trust the OP (a person who joined and made a single post on the first day without yet coming back, and of such nature and content...and where...on the internet of all places!)

So I'd really like a fuller description of the entire flow of events, and as much of any other things that might have some bearing--for example the habits of the husband, too. Let's see what unfolds.