Erstwhile cameras are turned into lampshades,
Lampshades are made into crinolines for maids
In pineapple beds, worms linger
May the broom of the witch nip your thieving finger.
joker
M. Theophile Gautier
lizard
suspenders
Erstwhile cameras are turned into lampshades,
Lampshades are made into crinolines for maids
In pineapple beds, worms linger
May the broom of the witch nip your thieving finger.
joker
M. Theophile Gautier
lizard
suspenders
One can always know a joker by his fur,
Like M Theophile Gautier, a little-known author.
I heard he likes the (fictional) lizard in Eastenders
When he wrote asking me to lend him some suspenders.
Democrats' convention magazine
Beaujolais
Orangina bits
Bagpipe instructions
My copy of Democrats' convention magazine,
Stained with Beaujolais and Orangina bits turned green,
Contained a slightly risque ad for bagpipe instructions
Focused mainly on unique oral suctions.
folding chair
toothpaste
telescope
DVD player
That delinquent sitting on the folding chair
And squeezing spear-mint toothpaste everywhere
Whom I can see on my telescope lens...
Well, I'll kill him if he touches the DVD player in my Mercedes Benz.
-------------------------
Cable modem
Used buspass
Portuguese teacher
Frozen yoghurt
A used buspass in the hand of a Portuguese teacher
Is like a cable modem without an outlet feature
Neither is useful nor considered a boon--
It's like I gave you frozen yoghurt without a spoon
Italian grandmother
fax machine
rubber gloves
sliced onions
My Italian grandmother throws tagiatelli in a rage
If my fax machine prints out too many a page.
She, however, likes to use her rubber gloves in unusual ways
And thinks kissing after eating sliced onions is the next craze.
Where are the new objects, Dromkin?
A bodran's a drum to bang,
A system reload disk - go hang!
Succulent plums fall into the mouth of the sleeper,
The statue of Sheridan is covered in Virginia creeper.
juicyfruit chewing gum
marble
a muumuu
Craig Charles
Juicy fruit chewing gum is evil and its flavour fades quickly;
It makes me look marble white, very sickly;
I'm not a modern fashion connoisseur, but I know muumuus are out;
Craig Charles from Red Dwarf'd agree, so I'll give him a shout.
Greek yoghurt
Photoshop
'How to be offensive in twelve languages'
Ukranian visa
'How to be offensive in twelve languages' is nothing new to me,
I wrote that tomb in a photoshop, while lounging on a white settee.
They revoked my Ukrainian visa, took away my Greek yoghurt too,
And told me in twenty more languages, my book belonged down the loo
Garden Hose
Stale bread
Mouthwash
George Bush's socks
I have no lawnmower or garden hose;
And don't ask me to sprinkle stale bread pieces on your clothes.
Can't I go a day without mouthwash being thrown
Or discussing George Bush's socks on their own?
Energizer battery
Fiddlesticks
Protective goggles
'Troilus and Cressida'
'Twas an energizer battery that made the puppet fiddle
With tiny plastic fiddlesticks and a knob you have to twiddle.
Protective goggles aren't pretty
And Troilus and Cressida, as a story, is pretty shitty.
<each line is meant to contain one object, in order, firefly!>
helicopter
Jurassic mud
pink scrunchy
window cleaner
Clary has a helicopter flying up above
Which she uses to throw Jurassic mud on a former love.
'Whatever a pink scrunchy is, it has a well-on name'
Say the man below's window cleaners, but their opinions are never the same.
-----------
Borsch
Dragonfly
Hungarian black bread
Anti-Heaney demonstrators
The Borsch simmered gently on top of the stove
And a dragonfly hovered in the garden alcove
I pensively munched on a hunk of Hungarian black bread
And heard on TV the anti-Heaney demonstrators had fled
wrapping paper
salt
clothes dryer
Tarzan movies
A wrapping paper dragon
Lived in a salt mine which it reached in a coal wagon.
It warmed the mine with a clothes dryer
Watching Tarzan movies with a chip monk and a fish friar.
black knight
paisley scarf
doughnut
difference engine
The black knight jousted proudly
He wore my paisley scarf, and the crowd cheered loudly.
As he ate his doughnut prize after his sensational win
The King presented him with the first difference engine
roast beef
reading glasses
dusting cloth
deck of cards
'Roast beef' is what French people sometimes call Englishmen,
Especially those with reading glasses on them.
Their dusting cloths are dusty: how about that!
At least they don't make deck of cards pyramids on that Cheshire cat.
Milkshake machine
Garish beanbags
Red lemonade
Confederate flag
