I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
a jack-knife(d) sled spun out in a splatter
A storybook man, none I've ever seen
was now on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine
Potatoe chips
umbrella
telephone
lipstick
I dreamt of barbecue-flavoured potato chips
In umbrella-sailed double-masted sailing ships
The telephone, when I was awake,
Was covered with lipstick, gunpowder, and black forest cake.
Now that didn't scan!
jelly
mug
dictionary of slang
sheets
When the rhythms are right! e g
There was a young seller of spoons
Who was gifted at writing lampoons
But alas, each last line
Lacked both scansion and rhyme,
And this is one of them.
So, a clerihew shouldn't have a regular rhythm - actually in a way difficult to do, like sing deliberately out of tune!
I was eating some aspic jelly
I used a mug; my dishes were smelly
In a dictionary of slang, I looked up treats
Like synonyms for satin sheets
alphabet soup
elephant
literature
Mylanta
Alphabet soup comes in a can
Like an Elepant I slurped it (not like a man)
The medical literature, say that was wrong
Mylanta won't help. My belly's growling a song.
Tape measure
Chaise
Chair
Seat cushion
LOL
Snakily, the tape measure stuck its tongue under the mat
Where the chaise longue stretched like a cat
And the creaking chair of oak
Under the weight of a simple seat cushion, broke.
Remember to get as little rhythm as possible, fea!
nail clippers
pliers
shoe
baby bath
What the hell, I'm going to write my own clerihew. A little masturbatory but who cares?
Nail clippers clip nails
And pliers wires.
A shoe is wearing for a foot
And a baby bath quite wearing for the mother of a tot.
razor
stereo
shoelace
saucepan
I rode my razor scooter
My stereo was cuter
My shoelace was undone
As my saucepan sauce lives on
Camembert
tease
jugular
Ramada
Duke camembert marched squishily across the table,
to tease, but he was far from able
to reach the jugular, not really a household item, but in the neck,
as for the Ramada? What the heck.
If I got it right...
fork
spoon
knife
bowling ball buffer
Today I served the Camembert Cheese
Nobody likes it, I'm quite the tease.
But when they found out I had pulled one over
They packed their bags and at the Ramada they slept over.
Fire
Quill
Plate
weapon
fork
spoon
knife
bowling ball buffer
I cut her cheese with a fork
With a spoon I ate her pork
With a knife I tried to stuff her
And then I polished her off with a bowling ball buffer
Teeth
food
vegetables
baseball bat
The teeth I bought are sunk into your wrist
Searching for food that's fresh and also sun-kissed.
With vegetables your blood will thrill
I hit you with a baseball bat but not so hard as to kill.
thumbscrew
screwdriver
driving license
license to kill
Ouch, okay, that thumbscrew really chafes,
and that screwdriver with the pointy thing hardly looks safe,
I swear that driving license isn't mine,
as for the licence to kill, just take it you swine.
tea kettle
sun-tan lotion
spatula
lip balm
tea kettle
sun-tan lotion
spatula
lip balm
With a tea kettle I shall scorch
So leave the suntan lotion on the porch
And with my spatula I'll give you a swat
So you better wear lip balm cause my lips are real hot.
game
trap
checkbook
gun
Willie the game hunter hunted them all
And set his best trap at the suburban mall
When the shoppers produced their checkbooks to pay,
He'd fire his gun-- he bagged seven today!
sandwich
pocketwatch
elbow
harmonica
hahaha
As I ate my sandwich and drank my scotch
I took a look at my pocketwatch
When suddenly an man with his elbow did nudge me
And played his harmonica on bended knee.
meat
thing
down comforter
form letter
The meat was stewing in a great big pot
When I lifted the thing it was not even hot
Wrapped in the down comforter was so much better
I used a flash light to write the form letter
candle
toothbrush
litter box
ice cubes
You can't hold a candle to my former lover
I love my toothbrush and would have no other.
A litterbox blocks our way to the New York philharmonic,
Do have some ice cubes with your gin and tonic.
vodka
camera
Epson stylus printer
key
I drink the vodka made by a Finn
While posing for the camera with my silly grin
Then I scan it with my Epson stylus printer
The key to a good photo is cold vodka in the winter.
Corn husk
Five dollar bill
tax return
Typewriter
