bins
frost
candle
webcam
The bins are full, they stand and wait
By the frost-bedecked garden gate.
So light a candle for the passing year,
And view your Aussie rellies on the webcam for a Christmas of warm good cheer.
Palestine
light
cat
climb
Palestine
light
cat
climb
Palestine, the holy land
Light of the world, but full of rocks and sand
A cat may beat the curfew there
Climb on the roof, and sit, and stare
That's not clerihewed enough, you silly chap
And as well as that, it's full of crap
What happened to the cat on the cool clay roof?
Well it was never there. This is just a spoof
dream
Dickens
tugboat
albino
I had a dream that I fell in a barrel
Ebenezer Scrooge had several, in Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"
Clary's gone to Goa, in a tugboat or by other means
Where an albino icecream vendor sells Italian icecreams
pudding
sauce
paper
aftershave
pudding
sauce
paper
aftershave
My auntie made a pudding for the kids
To eat with chocolate sauce as they watched their Christmas vids.
Meanwhile Mum did the crossword in the paper and ate a slice of Yule log,
And Dad tried out his new present of aftershave, which smelt of damp dog.
Jazeera
Spice
Kingfisher
Arabia
(the four airlines we went on over Christmas)
Jazeera
Spice
Kingfisher
Arabia
Y'all should fly there by Jazeera
To spice your life there's nothing queerer
Kingfisher Airways could dive in the drink
So I'd rather fly Arabia, on a carpet, I think
indigestion
hangover
resolution
black bun
indigestion
hangover
resolution
black bun
To cure indigestion, take a Tums
A hangover is terrible - best to sleep it off if one comes.
The usual resolution is the obvious one
Of not drinking ever again. A woman in a burqa looks a bit like a black bun.
bandage
fleet
pussycat
wireless
bandage
fleet
pussycat
wireless
A bandage was applied by Fuller, Buckminster
While the fleet was in, to the head of a spinster
Badly scratched by a pussycat
Jumping from the wireless on to her new floral hat
claws
Claus
paws
nausea
no
Gandhi
Ataturk
Garibaldi
Mandela
Gandhi
Ataturk
Garibaldi
Mandela
A spry South African lawyer was Mohandas Gandhi
As strong as Ataturk but his legs were bandhi;
Garibaldi was a squashed-fly Italian fella
Who was considerably less corrupt and lighter than Winnie Mandela.
Brown
Blair
Clegg
Cameron
Brown, Brown, a man of renown
Was ready before, but Blair wouldn't lie down
Clegg, Clegg, goes to work on an egg
While Cameron pedals his bike all round town
cabriolet
temperature
veneer
lamb
Just wondering if Clary is about. Or anyone.
cabriolet
temperature
veneer
lamb
Cabriolet and violet don't rhyme - says who?
Even a fevered poet with a temperature of a hundred and two.
We must keep a veneer of versification though I take
Pains not to sound as crude as The Lamb of William Blake.
Grimaldi
liana
mistletoe
cherry
Grimaldi
liana
mistletoe
cherry
The Grimaldi family rules Monte Carlo, I believe,
And liana is a creeper with tough branches and fat green leaves,
Unlike the mistletoe which is greyish and papery and has a pale berry.
Why is someone's virginity often called their cherry?
virginity
rock
jamjar
woad
Virginity is not so prized nowadays, they say
Go to a rock concert, and you couldn't give it away
Best keep it in a jamjar until you're ready
Along with that woad you got from mad Uncle Eddy
lentils
celery
swede
gas
lentils
celery
swede
gas
For my soup, these orange ones are the lentils I choose
Celery, carrots, onions, a judicious slurp of booze;
I shall eschew parsnip and swede, you're lucky,
They take a lot of gas to cook, and taste yukky.
beach
parlour
mall
home
beach
parlour
mall
home
The couple went down to the briny beach
From their snug parlour, each one looking at each.
Susie whined 'Let's go to the mall, Steve!' but he
Snorted. 'Fulham are playing at home - I'm watching TV'.
capacity
law
nature
velcro
capacity
law
nature
velcro
The physics teacher told me we had to do capacity
The laws of physics seemed to me the model of opacity.
Unlike the laws of nature which suggest
The untamed impulses under your velcro-strapped vest.
cuppa
yellow
mega
report
