0
   

I don't know how to react.

 
 
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 03:18 pm
Hello everyone on this fine evening (well in the UK anyway)

I seek advice from you all (if you are able to give it). I like this girl who I dated last October but she decided to end it after only three weeks because she didn't want a long term relationship. I have known this girl since the school days and we reunited last September after 2 year from not seeing her. We have been very close but today I found out she is going out with another boy (who is a bit of a prat) - what the hell do I do?. I feel very jelous and very annoyed although she doesn't know this - I feel cheated and gutted Sad help anyone?

Thank you for your time to read my troubles.

Rhys
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,461 • Replies: 20
No top replies

 
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 03:35 pm
@The Joker006,
I think things have been above-board enough that you don't have many options, really. She knows you're interested (she's the one who broke things off). You don't have any particular standing to express your guttedness -- she hasn't done anything wrong. She's a single friend of yours, who is now dating someone.

She hasn't actually cheated, at all. One thing to remember to try to get perspective. If you continued a friendship in the hopes of getting back together after she broke up with you, that was a calculated risk on your part -- she hasn't made any promises, has she?
The Joker006
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 03:42 pm
@sozobe,
Hello Sozobe,

First off, thank you for your reply. She hasn't made any promises but she did say that once she was ready she would tell me. I mean we have been close since we first met years ago and when we reunited last year we really bonded. Over the past few weeks I have only head from her if she needed something from me ( I kinda feel used in that sense), it's her birthday today aswel so maybe she was planning this with this dork of a guy for a while. I just seemed shocked as she did say she was going to let me know how she feels.

Thank you for your time
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 03:45 pm
@The Joker006,
Yeah, I get that it's hard for you.

Remember she may not know how she feels about you yet. She already said she's not ready for a long-term relationship -- perhaps Mr. Prat is not a long-term relationship, either.

If you're feeling used in your friendship, though, that's another thing. Don't be a doormat, ya know? If the friendship is fulfilling in and of itself, cool. If you're just keeping on her radar and putting up with stuff while you wait for word from her on whether she'll allow you to be in a romantic relationship with her... it might be time to cut ties until you can be on more equal footing.
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 03:56 pm
@The Joker006,
Hi, my friend.
Have a chat with Mark G in work tomorrow - He'll put you straight. Sozobe's advice is good advice though - Do take it on board.
And Try not to blame the other guy (do I know him?).
Hang tough, if you wan't a man to man chat, click my avatar and send me a private message - I'll be up late tonight.
xxx
Mark...
The Joker006
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 03:58 pm
@sozobe,
Yeah I once said that she was using me as a doormat and had a very long argument over it! Mr. Prat likes to act all hard in front of his mates - he talks a big game and I'm worried that she is going to get hurt with this idiot - do I intervene? Or do I keep on the radar as you said and be there for her. I don't know how our friendship is going to hold up now. I fear she is going to forget me and sweep me under the carpet. I think I shall have to cut ties here and have a few beers to try and forget about it, what do you think?

Thank you
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:01 pm
@The Joker006,
I don't think you need to do anything drastic re: cutting ties, but having a beer or two and forgetting about it for now sounds good.

My "on the radar" bit was not actually a suggestion -- if you have to work that hard to keep her attention, I'm not sure she's the gal for you. Live your own life, don't worry about her too much, and see what happens (is my advice).
The Joker006
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:01 pm
@mark noble,
Hello Mark my great friend! You on holiday? Sozobe's advice is extremley useful. I am not trying to blame the other guy but he really does naturally annoy me. Could I chat in open rather than private? I have nothing to hide here.

Much respect
0 Replies
 
The Joker006
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:04 pm
@sozobe,
Thank you very much - your advice has extringushed my frustration. Do you mind if I follow you? You seem a very nice person - I like that Smile

I think I'm just going to forget about her now. I have done more than enough my end in our friendship as they all say, "There's plenty more fish in the sea"

Much obliged
talk72000
 
  2  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:13 pm
@The Joker006,
The best thing is to be nonchalant and don't show any interest. Don't hang on her every word. Anyway it is all trial and error. Look at other chicks.
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:18 pm
@The Joker006,
Hi,
Of course we can. We have been over this loosely, but it's hard finding time at work, I guess.
Do you have to be in her presence...at all? or is she linked to you by phone or E-mail. If so how often do you communicate with her?
xxx
Mark...
The Joker006
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:28 pm
@mark noble,
Hi Mark

We always used to txt eachother but these past few weeks, nothing has been the same. I always txt her and no response. Why couldn't she just say she was thinking about moving on to someone else. She knows what kind if person I am - I would have been a bit gutted but I would of felt a little more respect if she told me but no - I had to find out though a stupid social networking website - makes me feel like an ant. Do I get drunk and try to forget about it or do I bide my time and wait for things to play out with Mr. Idiot!

Thank you Mark my great mate
The Joker006
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:29 pm
@talk72000,
Thank you talk72000 your reply is much appreciated. As you said I may show no interest as she has done in these past few weeks.

Much respect
Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:33 pm
@The Joker006,
Nah, don't go hitting the bottle mate, she 'aint worth the hangover in the morning!!!!!! Mr. Green

Hold your head high and move on - you deserve someone in your life who will treat you with mutual respect - there's a lot of girls out there, please don't spend your time pining over her.

Take care. Go have some fun.

Iz


edit: sorry, gone zzzzzz now - will catchup on this thread tomoz. Arrow


edit edit: this evening was delightful -warm and the moon was outstanding!
0 Replies
 
talk72000
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:34 pm
@The Joker006,
That is the way to go. There are lot lots of other fish in the pond. Actually women are attracted to guys who show no interest in them. Maybe there is female urge to conquer that guy. I am just guessing.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:36 pm
@The Joker006,
She (Soz) is indeed a very nice person.

The only thing I would add to what Soz has already said is for you to have a heart to heart talk with yourself to figure out if you can continue your friendship with her if she chooses another guy to be romantic with. Let what you decide guide you in what to do.

I'd also like to recommend a book to you:

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Ignore the gender thing...the advice and insight in the book is an eye opener for everyone in any kind of relationship with another.

Here are some of the editorial reviews from Amazon to give you an idea of what the book is about:

Quote:
From Publishers Weekly
It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.


Quote:
From School Library Journal
With a bright, breezy style, the authors highlight a list of actions that men take to demonstrate that they are "just not into you," using "Dear Greg" letters and replies, unscientific polls of men, lists reviewing the key points in each chapter, a comic glossary, and laugh-out-loud workbook assignments. Although this book is meant for the 20-plus career women who have been dating for a while, the empowering message that a woman deserves a man who truly loves her and not one that she must constantly make excuses for can't be learned too early.



mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:46 pm
@The Joker006,
Hi mi amigo,
If you are as infatuated as you have told me, it's time to stop - The problem is, I know you will ultimately do it your way - regardless as to what advice you receive. you are one of the most independent friends I have. I love you for that, but she has to go now Rhys. If she's not responding.....drop it! Remove her from all your peripherals, and move on. You're a clever lad and you will meet someone who likes you for you, you are a rare breed and when you connect with the right girl, it will be brilliant. Get off that soc/net site too. I'm not back in work till next week - But Mark g has councilled people with far greater problems than this (Even though it is of great importance to you right now) and will take the pain away. I know this because we teach and learn from each other.
Have a little drink, by all means. I'm enjoying a glass of red myself - but keep it moderate!
xxx
Mark...
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:46 pm
@Butrflynet,
Here's a website with the male version of those tips in the book. I think you'll recognize more than a few.

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/132_dating_girl.html

Here's an excerpt from the article:
Quote:

The following 10 signs are all giveaways that she is not interested in you. With a quick perusal of the list below, you should be in a good position to decipher when to continue your pursuit and when to walk away with your dignity intact.

So read on to put her behavior into perspective and figure out once and for all if she's just not into you.

1. She says she's not ready for a relationship

Ah, the classic escape route; women often use this one when they feel cornered by someone they are not interested in. It's clean, requires no preparation and leaves no room for a counterargument. But if a woman says this to you, what she really means is that she does not want to be in a relationship with you. For whatever reason, she doesn't see you as relationship material for her, so don't stick around hoping she will be ready someday. She might get into a relationship eventually, but it probably won't be with you.

2. You're always the one calling her and/or she doesn't return your phone calls

Watch out: She may be avoiding you. And if she's not avoiding you, you are not on her mind and she simply forgot. Either way, this means that she has less invested than you do and doesn't care enough to actively seek out your company.

Here's a rule of thumb: If she doesn't return your first call, call a second time, as she may be playing hard-to-get. If she doesn't return your second call, you can rightly conclude that she's not into you. (Do allow a certain amount of leeway on this point; women have been told by umpteen dating books to let the man do the pursuing. She should be calling you at least once for every three times you call her.)

3. She avoids eye contact and physical proximity

This is an obvious sign that many men overlook. If she is attracted to you, she will naturally want to be close to you and make eye contact. If she is evading your gaze, however, she may be consciously trying to avoid leading you on and having to turn down your advances later. It's a sneaky little trick, but it usually works. Take it as a sign that you're not her type. If she keeps you at arm's length at all times, she may also be protecting her personal space, so make sure you don't get too close.

You may be in trouble if she talks about other guys and doesn't laugh at your jokes.

4. She mentions other guys she finds attractive

No, she's probably not trying to make you jealous -- unless we are dealing with an ex-girlfriend, a situation that belongs in another category altogether. Most likely, though, you are in the "friend zone," which means that you are just like one of her girlfriends that she shares her thoughts with. Ergo, it has never even crossed her mind to date you. Not good.

5. She tries to set you up with another woman

She might do this because, like in signal No. 4, it never crossed her mind to date you. Alternatively, she might do this because she likes you as a friend but wants to make certain you don't hit on her. Either way, the message is clear: She definitely doesn't want you for herself.

6. She doesn't laugh at your jokes

If she is consistently stone-faced when you crack jokes, then you can conclude two important things. First, she doesn't find your sense of humor engaging, and second, she doesn't like you enough to bother to pretend otherwise. Here's a shocker: Whether or not she laughs at your jokes doesn't necessarily have to do with whether or not she finds them funny. Laughing is a form of flirting, and if she isn't doing it, you can be pretty sure her mind isn't on you.

7. She is always vague about making plans

If she really wants to see you, she'll make firm plans. If she doesn't want to see you or doesn't care one way or another, you can be pretty sure that she's not into you. If she is vague about making plans, it probably means that she is neutral about being in your company, or even worse, that she doesn't want to commit in case something better comes up. Ouch.

8. She regularly cancels plans with you

Let me break it to you gently: You are the fall guy, the "just in case she doesn't have anything better to do" guy. It is certainly fair to cancel plans occasionally for a legitimate reason, but if she bails consistently, ditch her, even as a friend. If she does this, it not only shows that she's not interested, but that she holds little respect for you at all. Move on, and do it quickly.

9. Her description of the perfect man sounds nothing like you

She tells you she wants a Mediterranean man who can dance salsa. You are Swedish and can only square dance. I know -- women rarely stick to what they say are the perfect traits they are looking for in a man. And indeed, she may actually end up with a square-dancing Swede, but in all likelihood, it won't be with you. Take this as a kind hint on her part that you, for whatever reason, are not her perfect man.

be warned

If she exhibits one of the above signs, it doesn't bode well for your cause. If she exhibits two to three of these signs, you can be pretty certain that she's not interested. If you are noticing more than three of the above signs, listen carefully, because it's never going to happen.

I know from experience that an unreciprocated crush can be a big blow to one's self-esteem. So do yourself a favor and don't prolong the inevitable. If, after reading the above list, you can gather that she isn't going to respond to your advances, put yourself out of your misery -- just cut your losses and move on. Repeat this mantra to yourself until it sticks: She's just not into you.
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 04:55 pm
@Butrflynet,
Hi Bfn,
I hope he's still online to read that, it might just do the trick.
He's a fantastic lad, by the way.
x
Mark...
mark noble
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Jun, 2010 05:26 pm
@mark noble,
Hi.
Here's your brother to cheer you up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGH4ryf8xJI&feature=related

Doesn't he look young???
x
Mark...
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » I don't know how to react.
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.06 seconds on 05/10/2021 at 01:26:18