I know to many, the general idea of being 5' 4" and 94 lbs sounds sickly underweight. Personally, I feel given my body type, that I am comfortable with how I look weight-wise. If I gained 15 pounds, I'd be decently chubby.
No, if you gained 15 pounds, you'd be approaching a normal
weight for your height, You would not be chubby, but you might think you looked chubby.
I just don't feel that my weight is as large of a deal as people are making it out to be...
Every doctor out of the many I have been to recognized I was underweight, but did not feel it was a problem. I think about 10 doctors to 1 is a sign that I am a bit underweight, but still healthy. My doctor that prescribed me to gain weight didn't feel I was unhealthy.
When doctors tell you to gain weight it is because your current weight is not at a healthy level. They are indicating a problem to you.
Doctors may not become really concerned or alarmed about low body weight until it becomes really drastic. Unfortunately, that may make many cases of subclinical anoxeria progress to full blown anorexia nervosa over time. Doctors notoriously ignore many incipient problems, and they may be particularly bad at recognizing certain psychiatric problems in the earlier stages. But, the fact remains, the doctors you have seen feel your body weight is too low. So, you have gotten medical opinions, which you are choosing to ignore.
You are the one who should be concerned about your abnormally low body weight. You don't feel fine and healthy. You have the "episodes" with loss of vision that caused you to start this thread. Your low body weight, and less than adequate food intake, could be affecting your blood pressure, your circulation, your heartrate, and causing all of the symptoms you have in those episodes.
I am not saying you have full blown anorexia nervosa. I am saying that you might be in the early states of developing that condition. What is going on with you appears to be episodic in nature--sometimes you get the "blackouts" more frequently than others. You can go weeks without getting them. Your menstrual periods vary in regularity. Perhaps your eating behavior varies too. You may go through periods where you eat more adequately than you do at other times. But, overall, on balance, you cannot maintain a normal weight for your height. When you did manage to put on weight, you couldn't maintain it, and you went back to being underweight. Everyone is so concerned about obesity these days we forget that being abnormally underweight is just as serious a problems, perhaps an even more serious problem, for an adolescent woman.
Yes, irregular menstrual cycles can be caused by other factors. But a leading factor is inadequate daily calorie intake and low body weight. Just because this is an episodic problem doesn't mean it is not related to your eating behavior. If you had more severe, or consistent, anorexia nervosa then your periods might stop altogether. What have you done to have your menstrual problems checked out? Where is your concern about this? Have you had your reproductive hormone levels measured? Do you know what they are? Do you know that taking birth control pills is not a good method to correct menstrual irregularities in underweight adolescent women? You must also gain weight, to bring the weight up to a normal level, in addition to taking hormones. If the body weight isn't increased, the birth control pills can create more problems. Check out the Internet and do some reading on this.
One thing you should also consider is whether your appetite is below normal. You say you eat until you are full, but that may not be enough, in fact, it's obviously not enough. The meaning of the word anorexia
is simply loss of appetite. It becomes anorexia nervosa only when active attempts are made to restrict food intake. At the very least, you may have anorexia. And you may have the very early stages of anorexia nervosa. You are under stress, and stress is definitely a factor in all of this. Your panic attacks are another part of the whole picture, and they are certainly influenced by stress.
Your blood draws may have been normal, but they may not have tested everything they need to look at.
In your profile, you say you are possibly interested in studying psychology at college. The study of behavior is, indeed, a most interesting area. And you should begin with trying to make a much more honest and objective appraisal of your own behavior. You are clearly choosing to disregard some of the info you are getting from people, including doctors you have seen, particularly on the issue of your weight. You deny any connection between your physical symptoms, your eating behavior, and your problems with stress/anxiety, although all of these things may well be connected. If you don't look at the psychological components, you (and your doctors) may not be able to fully make sense of your physical symptoms. Your lifestyle may be creating physical problems for you. That you are not dealing with that lifestyle (including eating behavior) suggests some psychological component.
You really should think about seeing a therapist, in addition to getting continuing medical evaluation. You do admit you have panic attacks and, for that reason alone, therapy might be helpful. Simply taking medication to lessen an attack, or having to take medication constantly, to prevent an attack, is not always the best approach. If you can find better ways to deal with stress and anxiety, you might get rid of the problem and not need medication at all. Lessening stress and anxiety might also help you to be able to gain weight and maintain a normal weight. For someone, like yourself, who is interested in psychology, I would think you'd be quite curious about trying psychotherapy.
IceBox, don't be so fast to dismiss the things I've been saying to you. I really think I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to this stuff. Just mull it all over.