Should I Move On???.....

Lots of things unsaid here. When you moved in with your bf, you didn't like it. Why was that? Did you not like the relationship or love being with your bf but not the location? If you haven't spoken in three weeks, aren't you part of that equation? Are you calling him and he's not there, or is there a mutual refusal to pick up the phone? What is he going to do in your home town? Do you both work? What is the career situation for both of you?

My general impression from your post is that you are no longer so enamored with this particular relationship. You realize it, your bf realizes it (regardless of his feelings) and you are just trying to come to grips with the fact that a four year relationship didn't work out. If I've got it about right, tell your bf you need to see other people and he should too because you aren't sure there is a future between the two of you.

Well, I loved the fact of being with him. The only problem was, right up to the time I made it to his state, he was telling me that he had a job and his own place and he was going to help me find a job. But when I got there, none of that was happening. He lost his job(so he says), and we ended up living at his grandparents house where his brother and his girlfriend were living there also. So there was a lot of head butting going on. But I stayed in that house because I loved him and I wanted to be with him. I did end up getting a job, but every time I got paid, the money went to whatever he wanted (gas, video games, movies, etc.). So when I finally became fed up, he suggested we try an alternative. Since I've been back, I've tried calling him but he's never home. I guess he's living with another family member. But on the one occasion that I did reach him, he just told me that he's been working and doesn't have the time to call because he doesn't have a cell and he doesn't want to use another person's phone. But what I don't understand is, the family member that he's living with, was supposed to moved out of the house he was renting with another roommate. They were supposed to be out by June 1st. So of course I'm sitting back wondering what's going on. In the end, I think that I've been trying to hold on to this relationship for no reason. All because he tells me that he loves me and never wants to lose me. But if I have a shot at true happiness, I want to take it. I'm just not sure if I should.

Oy daustin, I think you wasted 4 years on a loser and I hope you move on and
give the new guy a chance.
Living with relatives and using your salary for his pleasures should have been
a major red flag for you. Another red flag is his unavailability towards you.
Despite the lame excuses he's giving you, he certainly doesn't care enough for
you to make a commitment to be in this relationship full heartedly and honestly.
Did I mention that he's a loser?

Count your losses and move on! Actually I should say: count your blessings!

Those are some important additional facts. Sounds like Jane has it about right. Time to chalk it up to experience and move on. If that helps him grow up, maybe there is some hope of a future, but there probably isn't.

If I may, kind of stick my nose in here; yep, Jane (if I may here...) does have it exactly right. It there had been any real truth to the scenario that that distant would-be lover had painted before your going there, it would have left some visable evidence, somewhere, I'm sure. I'm taking an kind of 'educated guess,' and taking it you hadn't really found any after having arrived there (such as conversations about history related events, and so on).

In today's world, pretty much regardless, if a person were to really love, in the sense of a full bodied agape, philias, and eros 'pair-bonding' love, there would most likely not have been any 3 week gap in communications.

Yes, it's time to release whatever sense or emotion of being bonded with someone who likely would not feel the same (although you didn't appear to initiate communicating either), and move on !! New doors have been opened for you; go on, step inside.