Been in a relationship for 10 years with bf who has ocd. He apparently is not the worst case as can go away on holidays abroad etc. Holidays are difficult all the same as he wont eat or drink whilst travelling for some reason and arrives to our destination behaving with an anger towards me which I put down to dehydration and food deprivation. ....his doing!
Whose idea was it to go “traveling”? If it was yours and then it is understandable why he would be angry. I am surprised he went at all. Traveling is the least favorite thing for any one with phobias to do. They like home just fine or anything they are extremely familiar with.
If you knew of his disorder prior to the traveling you would know the torment he would go thought. Now that he is back in his “safe environment” he COULD get angry.
I think you are the bad guy here Mary. After 10 years you knew he would be afraid of eating and drinking in strange dishes and glasses that were not his. After 10 years of living with this individual you would know this. YOU wanted the holiday; YOU wanted to travel and you are bringing this event to us so YOU can feel less guilty.
You like being with him because he is so predictable and you find a comfort in that. You have his routines down pat and there are no surprises.
Now if you truly cared for this man you would know that it is almost impossible to prepare such an individual for such a trip into what he thinks is so unknown to him. You could leave tomorrow and I promise you he would be over you in nothing flat. The only person in this world he trusts in this world is himself and why you are with him only you can answer. I think I just did. To a degree you are afraid too and living with someone you can predict, makes you LESS afraid.
Now please don’t get angry. Let me offer why. Most people live routinely; some just more pronounced than others. It is indeed difficult to find an individual that is truly fearless. The only reason I am offering what I am is because I am one of those people. I know I don’t have anything to be afraid of and because of that is rather easy for me to explain why so many other people are.
There are many afraid people out there and it begins the day they are born. Imagine being in a environment where such huge people tell you one thing for “your own good” and you witness them doing just the opposite. You begin to do as they do and when they witness you do that, here comes the punishment. How could any child learn what the word trust is all about. So eventually they only trust themselves and in that separation from other people they will not get punished.
When we were those little people those responsible for our being must be in alignment in every thing they say and everything they do if they want a well balance human being to grow from their union. Any thing other than that alignment will cause a separation between that parental pair and that child which can be manifest today in what we call “personality disorders, ADHD and ADD. In other word we are losing out children to the point they are saying little and texting is the way they communicate. As a matter of a fact they have their own language btw. Lol, Pos, ha! (By the way laughing out loud parent over shoulder) Swim, see what I mean, ha? I am sure if you are young you know exactly what I mean.
Sorry for the essay Mary. Once you get to know me you will see that is what I am guilty of, ha! You are not in a boat by yourself; there are many out there sailing a crooked ship because many now just don’t trust anybody and why this reality needs a serious MAKE OVER.
Good luck in your relation ship. You know that ship we put our relations in we call a family. We have a lot to learn about sailing THAT ship. Perhaps if we had a better moral compass, we would have much smoother seas.