I never stop loving my ex and my wife is giving me Hell

I'm 30 years old and been married with my wife for 2 years as of June 27 2010. I have known her for 5 years. We have no kids together but I have a son and she has a son and her nephew stay with us as well. I knew I was in love with someone before we got married but figured it would pass. The relationship I had with my ex was good we did not separate on bad terms. She admitted to me that she felt she was not mature enough for at the time. I was about 26 at the time and she was 20. We never stop talking to each other and always have kept in touch. When I told her how heartbroken I was over her and just chose someone who I knew loved me back and got married she was upset with me for not telling her first. That's another story in itself. But no matter what she is doing or think I never stop having strong feelings for her. I tried time and time to just forget about her and try to focus on my wife more, but nothing seems to help. I even stop talking to my ex for about a year and still the fire is burning. I been deeply thinking about my finance and how my wife treat me at home and she is a good woman which is what been keeping me with her because I don't want to break her heart. Since I have been married I have stayed the night with my ex and cheating once. We meet up in public places because we both feel know how we feel about each other and we agreed that what we did was wrong and it can't happen again. Since then I have stayed with her from time to time and nothing have happened but we seem to be close as ever. I know deep down I never stop loving this woman and feel I never will.

As far as me and my wife go, she is a good woman. She has been a blessing in my life and I have helped her a lot with her some because his father never comes around. I since we have been together I lost my job and no longer make the money I use to. Since then I noticed she changed a lot. She complains all the time about paying bills but I still pay the bills not as much as I did when I had a better job. She really hurt me with some of the comments she told me like, I just wish I had a man that was 50/50 and some other derogatory stuff. I have don't nothing but try to do all I can to be 50/50 with her like get a home loan modification on my house which the bill was $1300 now its $850 and I have my check set up to deposit 600 monthly in her account to pay the house note because she looks over all the bills. I stop taking her out to eat as well because I don't have the money to do those things but I try to compensate by fixing her car, taking her some to soccer games and practice, etc. But sometime she ask me to drop the kids off at school and ask for some gas money because its out my was and she works right by where they go to school she get mad at me and throws it up in my face about the 50/50 thing. I thought that when you get married it was thick and thin but I see now that I should have stayed single stayed in my little one bedroom apartment and just waited on the love that I had to mature. I would not have the house I have now but the house was her idea, and she didn't have good enough credit so that's why it's in my name.

I honestly think deep down in my heart that I messed up. And been seeking counseling but my finances are not well to speak with someone. If you have any advice please let me know. I can tell you right now yes I love my wife but I am not in love with my wife. My wife work from 7am to 2pm I work from 8am to 5pm. We use to take time out to do family activities but I start avoiding them because she complains when she has to flip the bill. I tried to seduce my wife about May 28 2010. Currently I make about 1900 monthly. I try to talk about our problems nice and she just screams over me, get upset and cry. She always compares us to her sister, and they bring home about 80 to 90k yearly.

Thanks in advance.
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Joseph