My Heart's Quandry

that sounds very very tough. but no, i do not think any of it is wrong. you seem to be a very reasonable person, and the nine months should give you enough of an idea about the other person. i think meeting is the right step and if it is indeed wonderful, it is worth struggling with all the obstacles around, if i may say so. i do now live with a man that i was in a long distance relationship with for seven years. it wasn't easy, but very much worth it. i wish you the best of luck and do encourage you to go for it, like your heart tells you to.

I see nothing wrong with it at all, but seeing that there is so much distance between the 2 of you might be a problem in the long run if you neither one of you are willing to make a huge move.

Good luck to you and welcome to A2K.

You two need to arrange a meeting. There's so much mystery online, so much room for false representation and extreme embellishment but you'll never know unless you meet face-to-face. What would be your halfway point? Is it possible to arrange a rendevous?

There's nothing wrong with any of this but keep in mind that the distance and online-ness of this "relationship" conspire to make it all seem more exciting than it may end up being. He's exotic. He's younger. The way you met lends itself to fast intimacy. He (and you) has the opportunity to edit his words so everything comes out right. There's no fighting, no snoring, no clothes lying around that need to be picked up, etc. So it's all rosy right now.

You definitely need to meet, but keep in mind that that may not settle things, either. Unless you are together for a while, and meet several times, it'll still be no fighting, possibly no snoring, no clothes lying around, you get the idea.

Keep in mind also that in meetings like this, it's just about inevitable that you will have sex, and that clouds things even more. I've known many couples who had long distance online relationships like this, and exactly 3 of them have worked out.

It is possible for these things to "work out", but it takes work and it takes a lot more than one meeting. For couples who meet only once after a huge build-up, they have sex and then the meeting ends a day or a week later and the whole thing ends up fading. For couples where it works out, they meet several times and make an effort to have a more conventional relationship. They talk on the phone. They meet one another's families. They spend nonsexual time together when they are in one another's presence. You get the idea. The distance and expense of meeting for you and your message board friend will mean that it'll be tough to have a lot of meetings or phone calls. If you can find some place inexpensive to meet more or less halfway (say, at a family member's home), that will help considerably.

Best of luck to you and I don't want to make you feel bad, but the odds are not good that this will work out.

Thank you
Thank you everyone for your honest replies. Its been really helpful to finally get some feedback on this thing.

And we are both committed to celibacy before marriage....so that's a good thing in my opinion. It removes a potentially huge complication and keeps things as real as possible. But yes, we do need to meet before anything else. He is very intent on coming to me, so I don't even have to travel anywhere. If things work out, we have agreed that I will come to him in the summer. We are working on a plan to meet some time within the next 2 months. I am keeping my fingers crossed. This is all so overwhleming and uncertain....but exciting at the same time. The man is intelligent and is gorgeous! I can't help myself.

Has anyone else met someone online? I feel shame about it for some reason. I wish I had met him in real time, but since he's so lovely, I am trying to move past all the emotional reservations I have about it.

I wish you both the very best :-D

I did meet one person from the internet, but he's gay, so there wasn't any romance there. There is one person here on A2K who is single that I would love to meet, but the distance thing is a problem for us as well.

ain't that the truth

And there he is.

Hi Wilso (smooch) ;-)

Hi sweetie. Right back at ya!

Now if we could get a tug boat to tow Australia right next to Canada, we'd be all set :-D

Leia, look right here, right before your eyes there is a relationship developing between Montana and Wilso. And they live in separate hemispheres!

I hope everything works out well for you. Good luck.

And I will be closely monitoring this relationship between Montana and Wilso.

Things are starting to heat up.

Gus, you are a LONG way behind the times.

I'll say, LOL!

Forgive me for my sin of inattentiveness.

We'll fogive you this time Gus ;-)

Leia, my sister met her now husband on ICQ. No need to feel ashamed about that. World changes, we adapt.

Leia, definitely no shame. It's a very, VERY common thing now. There was an editorial in the New York Times recently about how the internet has brought courtship back into our lives... stretches things out that had become increasingly abrupt.

For the legal-minded folks here, a question, though -- Leia's fella says he's 18, what if he is younger? Can she get in trouble? Crossing state lines, yadda yadda?

Possibly (he's not an American citizen, apparently, but we do care about protecting children here, even 17-year-olds who seem more than capable of caring for themselves, and if they're not Americans). It depends on the state re age of consent and all. Even if there is no sexual contact, there is still the Mann Act (no transporting of minors across state lines for immoral purposes), but it's not often enforced unless there is perfect proof of "immorality" (a teenage pregnancy, an STD, an arrest for something else, etc.).

I don't know how you could prove age or insist on proving it (and photos can lie, and documents be forged), but it is a consideration.

I met my bf online !!