Single recently divorced & now in a relationship with married/separated man with a new baby

The only intense thing here is lust. Why would you want some loser who would leave his pregnant wife? Why would he want a woman who would allow him to cheat on his pregnant wife and break up his family? All marriages have problems, but this guy is heartless and you're delusional to start an affair just when his wife starts her pregnancy. He'll do the same to you one day and you'll act shocked when he does. Grow a backbone and send him backing. Don't have affairs with married men -whether you work with them or not. Learn to be happy that he wants to go back to his wife and especially his child. Made he's not a total worm just for that.

You need to let him go and see if he can make it with his wife and child.

He had no right to start up something until he finished his relationship with her. He needs to get a backbone.

My question to you is: why did you jump into this mess? It was a lose-lose situation.

You need to figure out what it is about him that made you enter into a relationship with a man who was not really there for you.

(by the way, men wandering while the wife is pregnant is common for men who come back when she can mate again. That tells you alot about him)

PS. Ask for a transfer in the work place, too.

Hmmm, man finds out he's about to be a dad, freaks out and decides to have an affair, comes to his senses when the child is born and thinks maybe he needs to step up and meet his obligations then the mistress tries the old blackmail bit, using both the I'll reveal the affair "out of anger" and the "you'll end up alone" lines.

OK, the advice: He's no great catch. He's got a family. He's got a baby who can benefit from a safe, stable and hopefully loving household (if that is what he is going to provide.) Let him go and if you really care for him, encourage him to give his marriage his best shot. Make it amicable and work might be a little awkward, but you'll survive it. You don't mention how much your co-workers know. Hopefully very little.

Second piece of advice: Look in the mirror. Affair with a married man whose wife is pregnant? Going to spill the affair to get even? "End up alone?" Really? Do you want someone who only wants you because they are scared of being alone?

WOw.

No.

6months is not an indicator of a good life together. Thats just a sign of new sex, new emotions..etc

And if he can not work through a prior commitment before coming to you, and is willing to DROP you the second he questions prior commitment, you should be feeling pretty used right now.
frankly thats all you are to him even if he has emotions for you, you are still second to his wife. You will forever be.

So get out honey. Seriously.

Suck it up as a life lesson , work through the grief and emotions and move on. You dont need someone who will cheat on a pregnant woman, LIE to her, LIE to you and then dump you like a hot potato because she said something.

I should've clarified we were friends for months before anything happened (spending hours at work on im & at night chatting on fb). We had this emotional connection as well; he said he loved me before anything ever happened. I had recently come out of a bad marriage from a man that tore me down for years. This man built me up & made me feel good about myself. He still does he has just gone through a major life change & things are stressful. Divorce was actually filed first by his wife 6 months ago; so the part are condoning me for was only a month before they separated. Unless u are in a similar situation very difficult to understand why. I will never 100% understand either but life is not always planned.

I think if he goes back it is going to be dysfunctional household; the marriage had tons of issues. I have heard in these situations everytime there is an argument the person you left me for gets brought up. I personally don't know my ex was always a faithful husband; we had different issues.

Time reveals all.

He needs to work this out with her, one way or the other. And he WANTS to, so let him go.

You are so right. He came over & ended it with me today. He had already talked to his wife but she is not willing to take him back & as I suspected she already knew. I have known this was coming since the baby was born. I had said a month or 2 ago he'd see the baby & possibly no longer want to be with me & be back with his wife. He promised me his wife had caused a lot of pain for him and his parents and he couldn't see that happening. In my heart I know he was trying to do the right thing. But this really hurts from a man who would always tell me how he was crazy in love with me and said so much. Today he looked straight at me & told me he didn't love me. I said you can't just turn love on and off like a lightswitch and one day love someone and the next day you don't. He goes I guess you are right at some point recently I stopped loving you. I guess he was lying to me to get me into bed with him frequently. Despite this dysfunctional situation I really thought I loved him & yet now this is over in a way I will be glad to go back to some kind of normal in my life. I should hate him but do not. He has too many issues to hate him... Oh and to top it off he met my entire family, spent time with my kids & I ate dinner with his parents for the first time when they were here to see the new baby! Both nights they were here!

I wish I could clarify just how well I understand.

but I do.
I hear you.
Oh so loud and clear.

And ya know what? It will be ok

Dont react to the anger. It will get you no where, and hurting him wont make a difference.

Dont think to 'talk it out' with him. he will only do that when he is ready for sex .

Dont think to step on yourself either.
Its a lesson. Take it for what it was, smile.. and remember that you learned now, what you REALLY will not tolerate in the future

and go be happy

Thank-you. You seem to be the first response on here not totally condemning my actions. I know I did some things wrong & fell for the wrong guy. According to my best friend he makes my ex look good. I am angry but I have to work by this person & strangely even want to remain friends. I'm not sure that is possible but I'm willing to try. We have texted a few times tonight even as I had a friend who was killed at the old age of 30 & I thought he'd like to know as he knew her history. This has been an epicly bad day...