A People pleaser??? Help

I have been unable to sleep for the past six days. Feeling exhausted and unable to function normally for daily tasks and this make my insomnia even worse.

In short, I have been studying hard for fine art college since last September. Have been perform well until Feb. I was as sick as a dog the second time since Sep. Straight away after recovered from flu, I catch up the missing work while felt extremely tired mentally because of having two bad flu within three month period of time. I tell my self that there's no sick days for study and it is my responsibility to produce good work so just get on with it.

Three weeks later, I noticed out most work I produced during this time are lack of good concentration so the quality of work suffered bec. of it. So I decided to take a break during Easter holiday (two weeks) spending time with my child. As a result I didn't get much work done over the two weeks. I still believed the decision is a right one.

Few days before returning to college, I started to feel very guilty for taking the break though I really need it. I couldn't sleep at night worrying about what would the lecturer think that I didn't make much work during this time. Four days of sleepless nights later, I had some work done (good works) , I went to see the lecturer and he was not impressed at all with the number of work though I explained the reason. I went home feeling terrible bec. it was true that I didn't have much work to show so I kind deserve the cold shoulder from him but on the other hand, I clearly know that even if I did work during the time, my work will be bad work anyway.

Not able to impress the lecturer either by great work or huge amount of hard work really bothers me, too much that I worry too much about it. Also, I think I should able to excused my self for not feel well. Life goes up and down but I am so addicted to the ups that I can't accept myself not able to produce impressive work at all. Then I feel that I am a terrible artist after all because I produce bad work every now and then and something bad is going to happen to me because I am not good at what I am doing. I know this is wrong but I am bitting myself up, big time. Am I a people pleaser, that's why I can't excuse myself for unable to deliver or produce good works sometimes, I care too much the lecturer's cold shoulder.

Now every night I am worrying that I won't able to sleep tonight so I won't be able to functioning normally tomorrow...